Why She Disappeared
by Fragilelittleflame
Summary: [HOPELESS series - outtake] "And in the death of her reputation, she felt truly alive." - Taylor Swift AU/AH/RATED M
1. When She Fell

_DISCLAIMER: _All recognizable characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.

* * *

_When she fell, she fell apart._

_Cracked her bones on the pavement she once decorated_

_as a child with sidewalk chalk._

_When she crashed, her clothes disintegrated and blew away_

_with the winds that took all of her fair-weather friends._

_~ Taylor Swift, __**Why She Disappeared (Poem)**_

**BPOV**

According to a lot of people, I was everything that was wrong with the world. I got away with heinous crimes, I was married to a man who got away with worse, and combined we had more money than any two people could ever need. I was never one to buy extravagant things just for the sake of proving I could, but my husband was the complete opposite. I knew it was a power thing, especially in his line of work. Money equated power, and proving you could build a mansion bigger than every other place in the neighborhood proved he was back on top.

Five years ago, I would have felt guilty about the ostentatiousness of it all, agreed with the people that said the home was too big and the money should be put to better use elsewhere.

But, that was before the entire world spent years outlining every flaw of mine, making every little mistake I ever made a headline, and enjoying the fact that I was slowly crumbling every day during the trial from hell.

It took me nearly all night to wander through the house. I'd been living here over a week but there were a lot of little things I didn't know or realize about the place. There was a special slot in one of the cabinets in the movie room, it was a lighted shelf and every one of my films was on display in it. In the middle of the eighteen-person dining room table, there was a bouquet of beautiful, hand-blown glass daisies, reminiscent of the ones Edward used to give me. I counted the number of keys hanging by the garage door five times before opening it and seeing an entire new fleet of cars.

After my adventures I ended up standing in the foyer, the grand staircase curving off to the right, a formal living room decorated in soft browns and creams in front of me. This small section of the house was bigger than the entire home I grew up in.

My childhood wasn't something I liked to think about much, but it got me to where I was, I supposed. It was hard to even remember who I was before I left Forks. I went to school, managed slightly above average grades, but nothing spectacular. There weren't any friends I missed; I would talk to my classmates when necessary but I wasn't really close with anyone back then. I would distract myself with books and movies, put myself in a completely new world where I was someone important and loved.

I liked to think my job didn't really change me that much, but looking around at this house it was hard to imaging me as that same girl sleeping in her twin sized bed every night, desperate for her mother's approval.

I was in the middle of brushing my teeth a few minutes later when Edward got home. It had been over twenty-four hours since I last saw him, and he gave me a lazy smile and a soft kiss to the top of my head before he got in the shower. I watched him, toothbrush frozen in my mouth, as the shower doors started to fog. _Sixteen-year-old me definitely wouldn't have known what to do with _him.

Once my nighttime routine was done I hopped up on the spacious marble counter and waited for Edward. I watched him shower in the least creepy way possible. My job might have changed me, but nothing changed me quite as much as he had. Not in a bad way either, but in the kind of way someone has to change when they mesh their life with someone else. At least, I hoped it was in that kind of way.

Edward smiled at me again when he got out of the shower, eying me as he sluggishly wrapped a towel around his waist. "You're up late."

I shrugged, wrapping every limb I could around him when he came to stand between my legs. It was completely distracting, his sculpted chest with a few lingering water droplets.

"Do you think I've changed?"

"Changed?" Edward asked, eying me up and down.

The look of confusion and hint of fear in his eyes made me snort. "Not physically. I meant… personality wise."

I couldn't blame him for the moment of hesitation. When I was still adjusting on the island I went through a phase of taking out my weight frustrations on him. I had been mad about the reasons why I lost the weight in the first place, and then mad that I had to gain it all back. From the age of sixteen I had people ingraining it in my mind that gaining weight was a bad thing, so it was a bit of an adjustment.

It took a while, but eventually I agreed with Edward that a little extra weight on my thighs or ass or anywhere else wasn't the end of the world.

"You've grown up. You've been through shit and that changes people, but you're still _you._" I gave him a half-hearted smile and a warm hand lifted my chin up. "What brought this on?"

"I grew up in a house a hundred times smaller than this, Edward. I used to shop at the grocery store on a budget and visit my father at the police station after school."

Now, our home could fit nearly all of the population of Forks. Our groceries were delivered from the most lavish grocery store I had ever seen, and I couldn't even think about a police station without getting nauseous these days.

"That girl is still in there, Bella. She just had to grow some thicker skin. But… I don't think it's such a bad thing that you changed from the girl that took all of that shit from everyone into the one who stands up for herself now."

I guessed I never really thought of it like that. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

I wrapped my arms around him, tugging at the damp hair at the base of his neck. "I love you," I sighed into his shoulder, trailing kisses along his neck.

I would have been that same girl, the one that let everyone walk all over her if I didn't have him. Edward never took shit from anyone, and while his methods were far more extreme than mine, he did teach me to stand up for myself.

When my kisses reached his lips Edward took over, his lips more demanding, his taste making my head fuzzy. I ran a hand down the center of his chest, relishing in the strength underneath my fingertips. Edward kept me strong and – somewhat – sane, and I hoped I did the same for him.

I let my hand drift past the waist of his towel, smiling to myself when I felt his semi-hard cock beneath my fingers. Edward let out a muffled curse into our kiss when I kept a steady grip on him as I worked him over.

We were quiet, only communicating with grunts, groans, and kisses. Mossy green eyes stayed locked on mine, their intensity making my cheeks heat up.

"There she is," Edward grunted. "Got my cock in your hand and you're still blushing."

Before I could respond my lips were busy again, swallowing the sounds of Edward's groans. His hand covered mine, squeezing and increasing my tempo.

Maybe he was right. Maybe I was still the shy, quiet girl I used to be. The one who definitely would have blushed at anything Edward Cullen did near me. But, I was also the one who was his wife and had no qualms about giving him a handjob just because I wanted to.

Eventually, his groans got louder and his hips started working with my hand. I tore myself away from his kiss to whisper in his ear, "Do you want to come in my hand or my mouth?"

After a string of curses Edward looked down at me, tearing the short, silk nightgown over my shoulders. My hand quickly returned back to him once it was free.

"Lean back," Edward groaned, hands squeezing my thighs, pulling me closer to the edge so I could lean back across the long counter. "God, you're gorgeous."

I fell back on both of my hands when Edward took over. The sight of my husband pleasuring himself, eyes roaming my body, made me feel more powerful than any crowd cheering for me ever could.

_"Bella,_" he grunted, coming in four long spurts across my abdomen and chest.

We both sat frozen, panting in place for a long time. Edward pulled me up, kissing me while being careful to keep himself clean from the mess he made on me. He reached down, grabbing his discarded towel and cleaned me up without a word.

Even without my own release I was surprisingly relaxed. I leaned my head on Edward's shoulder, giving him languid kisses as his fingertips traced lazy patterns on my thighs.

When I reached over for the slip I was wearing earlier Edward grunted and tossed it out of my way. "Clothing is entirely unnecessary."

"It's like, twelve degrees outside," I said, giggling unintentionally when Edward lifted me off of the counter and carried me to bed. The slip was thin, but it was better than nothing.

"That's what blankets are for, sweetheart."

"But, I – oof." My breath was knocked out of me when Edward plopped me down on the bed, then all conscious thought drifted away when he slowly slid my panties down my legs. "I didn't – you don't…"

"What kind of husband would I be," Edward sighed, situating myself to his liking underneath the too-soft-for-words comforter. "If I left you unsatisfied?"

He disappeared immediately underneath said comforter, hands snaking up my legs and kisses trailed in his wake.

"A, uh, normal one I think," I said, squirming underneath him. All I could see was an Edward-shaped lump under the comforter, but I could feel much, much more than that. Including his chuckle at my reply.

"Isabella, if there is ever a night I leave you unsatisfied, you have every right to send me to my grave."

I forced my brain to repress the image of his very real grave that I once sobbed over and instead thought about every magazine article I had ever seen about husbands leaving their wives unsatisfied. Hell, even with my tiny list of relationships before Edward, I knew constant satisfaction was rare. Somehow, that had never been the case with Edward. Whenever we were together it was like he was on a mission, one he took very seriously that always ended in mutual satisfaction. Many times over.

…**rep…**

I straightened my grey pencil skirt, making sure my black sweater was tucked in all around me. The elevator door was a mirror, so I double checked to make sure the black tights covering my legs didn't have any runs, and that my black ankle boots didn't have a smudge on them.

There was no reason for me to be nervous, but I was. It was an excited nervous though. I had my plans in my tote and I was ready to put them in motion. As per usual, I was about ten minutes early. I saw someone in the conference room, setting folders around the table, so I decided to wait it out in Edward's office.

"Early as always, Mrs. Cullen." Edward smiled at me from his desk.

I smiled back, not realizing how good it would be to see him in his office again. We had been back in town a couple weeks, but I hadn't been to his office. It was so normal considering how strange life had been for so long. Before I could comment on it, I noticed Emmett and Jasper sitting opposite of him.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt, I'll let you guys – "

"They're actually here for you," Edward grumbled, not looking as happy as he had just a moment ago. He stood from his spot behind his desk and held his chair out for me.

I gave him a quick kiss and sat down. "What is it?"

"We know you're about to finalize Edward sponsoring your tour, but we want to help, too. Make it a family thing," Emmett said, an odd smirk on his face.

"No, tell her the truth," Edward told them, standing off to the side and frowning at his brother.

Jasper sighed. "We have an annual bet. We just thought this would help… even things out."

"A bet?" I asked.

"Who can make the most within the year. Edward's won every year since we started."

I fidgeted in my chair, slightly uncomfortable. I had been in this kind of situation too many times to count. They weren't doing it maliciously, but it still made me a bit uneasy. Then, I realized I could turn the tables.

"Maybe I want in on the bet," I said with a shrug. Edward started laughing in the distance.

"W-what?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah. I'm about to have a very financially successful year."

"You never seemed to care about the whole 'I have more money than you do' thing," Jasper said, obviously trying to talk me out of it.

"Oh, I don't. What I care about is people trying to trick me into things to make money off of me. It's kind of a touchy subject for me after that whole _Clash_ series fuck up." It seemed like a lifetime ago, but it was still something that frustrated me. They used me and my name to make money, telling me empty promises to get me to do what they wanted. They weren't the only ones to do it to me, but they were the most prominent.

"Edward is going to make money off of you," Emmett said carefully.

"Edward's my husband, what's mine is his anyway. Besides, he's not doing it for the money. He's doing it to make me happy." There was no doubt in my mind that Edward's main reason for doing this was because he didn't want a repeat of what happened before; sponsors backing out because of some new scandal that was bound to blow up. He did this, would do anything, just to make my life easier. "You guys didn't do this maliciously, I know that, but I still want in."

"Damnit, Emmett, I told you this wasn't going to work," Jasper said, shoving Emmett.

"I told you not to try," Edward told them, holding his office door for the pair as they walked out. Then, he turned to me with a soft smile. "Come. Let's see what you've come up with."

An hour later I had what I needed. I was given the green light for everything; the dancers, the lighting, the stage, all of it. Which was good considering I had people start building the stage and designing visuals about three months ago.

"Lunch to celebrate?" Edward asked as we sat back down in his office.

"I can't. I told Alice and Rosalie I would meet them. They seem very… into me lately. I don't know why." I had gotten calls from both of them nearly daily, asking how I was doing being back, and wanting updates on how the album was doing and such. It was nice that they cared, but I wasn't used to it.

Not that they didn't care about me before, we were on good terms before everything went down, but I wouldn't have called them my best friends. I was never great at the whole friend thing.

"They feel guilty."

"Why would they feel guilty?"

"They treated you like shit when we first started dating, got their heads out of their asses after a while and then you went to jail for protecting their husbands. They realized that you're not going anywhere and they owe you a big debt of gratitude for what you did for this family." Edward shrugged, as if everything he was saying was as simple as it sounded.

"I didn't do it to get them out of jail," I whispered, more to myself than anything. Edward heard, though, and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead.

"Enjoy your lunch. Meet me for dinner later?"

I sighed. "I can't. I've got a few people I need to meet with about band rehearsal."

"Well, aren't you a hot commodity these days," Edward said, smiling down at me. "What does a man have to do to get a few hours with his wife?"

"Meet me in the bathtub at nine with a bottle of wine and I'm yours," I replied softly, giving him a quick kiss before heading out.

The restaurant the girls told me to meet them at was more formal that I thought. My business casual would have to do. I was a few minutes early and requested a booth in the back. It was only a couple minutes later when Alice and Rose showed up together.

"Thanks for meeting us," Alice said with a small smile.

"Of course. How are things?"

"Oh, no. This lunch is all about you," Rose countered.

"What?"

"We got off on the wrong foot, obviously. We tried to make up for it before but then… well, you know. We don't want to just be in-laws, Bella. We want to be your friends, if you'll have us."

"I'm not so good with the whole friend thing," I admitted. Kate was my friend, but she kind of had to be with the amount of time we spent together. It worked because we could bond over work. It was hard to do that with Alice and Rose. They didn't really understand my kind of life.

"We'll start with getting to know you a little better, is that good?"

"Sure." I didn't want to be on the outside of the family. I got along well with Jasper and Emmett, and I knew better than to think I would ever be on great terms with Carlisle and Esme. It would be nice to feel like I had friends in Alice and Rose.

"So, tonight –"

"Oh, I can't tonight. I have a work thing, and then plans with Edward."

"Edward gets you all of the time, Bella."

"He wanted to have lunch and then dinner but I was busy. So, I promised I would be home later." That was when it occurred to me that Alice and Rose weren't really used to the women they socialized with having a busy work schedule.

"Look, I'm all for us getting closer. I want you both as friends, but I'm about to be really busy. If you don't –"

"No, no! Just tell us a night that works for you and we'll have a girl's night in. Something relaxing for you before things get too hectic," Rosalie offered.

"Okay, I'll let you know what day works," I said quietly, not used to people genuinely wanting to know me for me.

The next afternoon I was sorting through three boxes of new merchandise. It was higher quality that before, and more things that I would actually wear as opposed to being marketed toward a younger crowd. It was nice to finally have more freedom with everything pertaining to my career these days.

I was trying things on as I went, because I had no shame in wearing my own merchandise. It was comfortable, free, and perfect to throw on before I ran off to rehearsal where I would practically be living the next few months.

The front door slammed shut. I was only wearing a slightly oversized green t-shirt with a snake logo on the back, but I figured it was Edward coming home so I headed downstairs, sans pants, to see him.

Only it wasn't Edward. It was Alice and Rosalie, surprisingly dressed in comfortable clothes for once.

"Oh, I thought you were Edward," I said awkwardly, attempting to pull my shirt any lower that it could go.

"I called him and he told me he would give us the night to ourselves. He has to work with the boys anyway," Alice said with a calm smile.

"Well, I was just going through some boxes of merchandise if you want to… help?"

"Oh, fun! Come on, Rose." Alice grabbed Rose's hand and skipped up the stairs with her.

I showed them the boxes sitting around our bedroom and made a quick detour to the closet for pants. As I was pulling on some black yoga pants my phone rang.

"How much trouble am I in?" Edward said immediately.

"It would have been none if you had warned me. I went to greet who I thought was _you_ at the door and wasn't wearing any pants."

"Damn. Will you still be pantless when I get home tonight?"

"No."

"I was going to call but I got pulled into a meeting."

"It's okay. It'll be… good, I think. Maybe we can work on the pants thing when you get home."

After another minute I got off the phone with Edward and wandered back into the bedroom. Alice and Rose had most of the clothes spread out across the room now.

"I've got to ask… explain the snake thing to me again?" Rose asked, looking at the various snakes on the clothing.

"Everyone has been calling me a snake for years. What with the trial and all of the shit that came out during it. All of my socials were flooded with that damn snake emoji, and I had enough. I decided it wasn't the worst thing to be a snake; be good to people until they step on you, then attack."

"I like that," Alice smiled. "And I love all of this stuff."

"I can get you both a box full… I mean, if you want."

"Of course! We'll need things to wear to the shows, you know," Rose said with a smile that made me smile in return.

"Isn't it hard, reading all of that stuff about you? I mean, I grew up reading about my family, but people are even more cruel toward you."

"It can be… challenging sometimes I guess. I go through phases of reading articles until I hate myself, and then not caring what they say."

The rest of the night was nice. We talked more about my tour and it was fun to bounce some ideas off of them. We ended up in the movie room, wrapped in blankets and eating popcorn, talking about every random thing that came to mind. _Maybe I could do this whole friend thing._

"What are you guys doing this weekend?"

…**rep…**

A couple days later I was wandering my closet, grabbing things I thought I would need for the weekend. Alice and Rosalie had been ecstatic when I told them about the all-expense paid weekend in Las Vegas that was waiting for me, a present from my record label because of how well the album was doing. Originally, I had told them I didn't want it, but they said it would be waiting for me if I changed my mind.

Edward couldn't go with me, not after just getting back to work after being gone for years, so I didn't really see the point. Now, I thought it would be a good time to bond with Alice and Rosalie before I got too busy to do much else.

It was late Friday morning when I started packing. It was only a couple days, but I was always paranoid that I was going to forget something whenever I traveled. It didn't help matters when Edward watched me constantly, frowning whenever I put something in my suitcase.

"I asked you first, you know," I told him, smiling at the cute pout of his lips.

"I know."

"So, why are you all pouty?"

"I do not pout, Bella."

I folded another top and dropped it in the suitcase beside him. There was a large bench that divided the closet in half, one side for Edward and one for me. Edward sat there, next to my suitcase, a definite pout on his lips.

"This," I said, quickly grabbing the offending pouty lip. "Is a pout."

My plan backfired when he grabbed my hand, sucking my thumb into his mouth. It distracted me for a second, his tongue sliding along my finger, until I realized I was already running late.

"You're cheating," I told him, getting my hand away from temptation, wiping it on his shoulder before going back to the clothes. I pulled open the drawer lined with bras, picking up a couple without thinking too much about it.

"Not that one," Edward said, standing and plucking one out of my hand.

"Why not?"

"If you're going to wear that one, I want to be there to see it. It's one of my favorites."

"You have favorite bras?"

He had a thing for lingerie, I knew that because every few months a box would show up on the island, filled with new options for me. I didn't realize his extensive knowledge of my bra collection, though.

"This one simultaneously makes your breasts look fantastic and your skin fucking glow against the color. Here, take these." Edward bunched up about seven sports bras and pushed them at me.

I put the sports bras back with a laugh, choosing a couple of the most boring, neutral bras I had and put them in my bag.

"I don't like having to share you," he grumbled, zipping my suitcase up for me. I knew what he meant. It was a big adjustment, coming back to the real world. We spent so long on the island just the two of us. There were times when I left to work, but we always knew eventually we would get back to our peaceful solitude.

Now, we had real life to deal with and it was taking a while to get used to. "I know."

Edward opened his mouth to say something, but his phone ringing interrupted him. With a roll of his eyes, he silenced it before turning back to me. His hands fell to my waist, walking me backwards until I bumped into the mirrored wall.

"Be careful, please."

"I will. You too."

He pressed his lips to mine, soft and sweet, for just a second before his phone started ringing again.

"You can go. I've got to leave in a few minutes anyway."

Edward sighed, cupping my cheek and pressing another soft kiss to my forehead. "I love you."

"Love you," I whispered, watching as he walked out of the closet, grumbled curses fading with him.

Our flight was pretty uneventful. I spent most of the time going through emails and looking through dancer profiles. Because I had so much planned in my head for so long, things with the tour were already moving along quickly. It was already stressful, but I was giving myself this one weekend to relax before I let it all get to me.

I had no plans for a crazy weekend in Las Vegas. I was fine with staying in, getting a pedicure and a massage, and some good food.

The room, suite, whatever it was, it was the definition of a lavish Las Vegas getaway. Marble floors everywhere, living spaces filled with pool tables and bars big enough to fit twenty people, and a balcony with a pool overlooking the entire city.

Once I finally got rid of the manager that escorted us up here, the girls and I looked around quietly.

"Oh, a cake!" Alice squeaked from the bar area. Sure enough, there was a cake with _rep_ written in icing on top, along with a note from one of the executives at the label.

This was all just a big thank you for making a lot of people a lot of money, but I didn't care about that. It was easy to get caught up in the business side of things, thinking about what would make money as opposed to what I wanted to make, but it was also easy to distance myself from that mindset on the island.

I texted Edward that I had arrived safely and turned back to Alice and Rose. "So, what first?"

…**rep…**

Our first night was calm. Alice and Rose were tired from a week of parenting, so we ordered room service and lounged in the movie room in our pajamas. The next morning, we had manicures and pedicures done in our suite.

We were wrapped in fluffy white robes, each with 'reputation' monogramed on the back of it. All thanks to the label that was trying to get me to forget how hard I had to fight them to let me release the album I wanted in the first place. They were all tactics I had seen a hundred times before. I had fallen for them more than once early on in my career, but I saw right through them these days.

I relaxed into my chair, my feet in warm water that felt like heaven. That was the worst part about Chicago, the winters were fucking brutal. Los Angeles was bright and sunny all year round, so was the island. Vegas was a nice reprieve from the short time we'd already been back in frozen hell.

I couldn't help but laugh when Rosalie started talking about Alec.

"I love my son. He's… my favorite thing in the world, you know? But I swear, I have never been so happy to be hundreds of miles away from him."

"You think Emmett is surviving being a single parent for the weekend?" I asked, unable to really see that giant of a man handling little Alec and his shenanigans. Apparently, he was at an age where he was just… a terror.

"I don't even care. The house is going to be a mess when I get home, Alec will probably be covered in multiple unknown substances, but right now I have no responsibilities."

"Teenagers have to be worse. Jared is just… all over the place. And I can barely get Maggie to talk to me some days. Jasper and I are thinking of trying for our own soon, though."

Rosalie sighed, a sudden content smile on her face. "Babies are pretty great. A hell of a lot of work, but great." There was silence for a few minutes, as the nail techs started packing up their tools and left us lounging in the living area. "Sorry, Bella. Sometimes babies just… take over everything."

I shrugged. "It's fine. I like hearing about what your kids are up to." I did. Alec seemed like the cutest little guy I had ever met. Jared obviously had issues, but Maggie reminded me a little bit of myself when I was younger.

We had a late brunch, still in our robes. We were situated across the giant sectional in the middle of one of the living areas when the conversation turned back toward me again.

"What was it like… seeing Edward again after…" Alice asked, her voice shaking like she was scared to ask.

The memory was fresh in my mind, a moment I would never forget. "It was… like a dream, kind of. Carlisle had told me but I didn't really believe him, you know? I thought he was just scared I would turn on the family if Edward really was gone."

I took a deep breath. "Then I got to the island and he just walked out. I didn't know whether I should punch him or kiss him."

"You really changed him, Bella. For the better. He was a mess before you. I mean, Tanya and Irina were my friends growing up, but they didn't really care about him. And all the other girls… I never even bothered to ask anyone their name if I saw him with someone," Alice said. "He was high all of the time and I think he enjoyed the job too much."

Alice sighed, looking down at her freshly painted nails before going on. "We're not very close, Edward and I, but he's my brother. I love him. Jasper and I stayed with him for a while when you were… away. One day I saw him in his office and I think he was high, talking to you like you were there. He was _so broken, _Bella. I knew he loved you and cared about you before, but it wasn't until then that I realized how different he was with you, happy and as normal as he could be."

I hated thinking about Edward like that, high off of God knows what and berating himself for what I did. It was easy as hell to overdose on that shit, and it made me sick to my stomach to think about how many times he'd used it in the past.

"I'm glad he seems happy," I whispered, not sure my voice would be able to do much more.

"When I first met Edward he was an asshole," Rosalie said bluntly. "It's kind of amazing seeing him now. I mean, your songs are so romantic and sweet, and when I first met the guy he had two blondes on his lap and asked me if I wanted to join."

"He is still kind of an asshole to most people," I joked, choosing to ignore the two blondes.

"It's nice to know my brother is still there, the kid who came home blushing after his first kiss, not the one who faded away when my father started keeping him out late."

"Well, he definitely doesn't blush much anymore," I chuckled. The man had no shame about anything really.

"I also, uh, _we_ also wanted to…"

"We know it's a sensitive subject, but, um…"

I couldn't remember a time when I had seen either of them so nervous. Alice had her eyes down and a small frown on her face, fidgeting with the sleeve of her robe. Rose looked nearly close to tears staring at me.

"Is everything okay?" I asked them, suddenly worried.

"Yeah, I mean, now it is," Rosalie sighed. "We just… we needed to apologize to you again."

I sighed in relief. "You guys don't have to keep apologizing to me. We're good now, I promise." All of the shit from when Edward and I were fist together really never crossed my mind anymore. We'd all changed since then, and I wasn't big on holding grudges. Well, against Alice and Rose I wasn't. I supposed my entire theme for _reputation_ was the grudge I was holding against basically everyone else.

"Not about that," Alice said solemnly. "We should have been there for you more during, well, during Edward's funeral."

Oh.

_That._

Just the words Edward and funeral in the same sentence made my blood run cold.

"You guys don't – "

"We do. He's my brother and I was devastated he was gone but I don't remember if I said a single word to you that day, Bella. I was with Esme and Carlisle and we focused on ourselves when… I know Edward said you don't remember it but – "

"I remember it," I blurted out without thinking. "It took a while to piece all of the memories together, but I remember all of it." I started talking too fast, explaining myself. "Please don't tell Edward. It's the only secret I've ever really kept from him. He would be devastated if he knew I remembered being at his – I really did forget, or repress, the whole thing for a long time, so it's not a complete lie."

"You remember the whole thing?" Rose asked, her voice soft and, surprisingly, not judgmental.

There was no use in hiding anything from them now, so I told them about the entire day from my perspective. When I got to Carlisle and Esme's home early that morning, accompanied by a fleet of police officers, Esme frowned at me and Carlisle told me to feel free to go upstairs and freshen up. The officers checked the bathroom, making sure there was nowhere for me to escape from, and I took a shower with the shampoo Edward kept at his parents, just in case. It was the first time in months I got to shower by myself, but I hardly enjoyed it.

I had wrapped myself in a towel and walked out to the bedroom, glad the officers were in the hall and not in here to see me collapse on the edge of the bed in tears. Not the uncontrollable sobs I had been crying for days. These were silent tears as I looked around the room filled with little tidbits of my husband's life.

"I remember you coming in," I told Rosalie. She came in and without a word helped me get in a black dress that seemingly came out of nowhere. It was probably the longest amount of time Rosalie and I had ever spent alone and we hardly talked. Well, she hardly talked. Once I was dressed and we were sitting side by side I was pretty chatty.

_"Do you want to know a secret?" I whispered through the silent tears still falling down my cheeks. _

_ "Sure," she whispered back, but her voice was a lot stronger than mine. _

_ "I hope they convict me." Rosalie's gasp wasn't surprising. "I want to spend the rest of my life rotting in prison because it sounds a hell of a lot better than having to go back to the reality of being Edward Cullen's widow." I was hardly able to choke out the last three words._

"You were the only person I talked to until the funeral."

Once I had gotten dressed, Alice had brought over some jewelry for me. Mainly my wedding rings that suddenly felt three sizes too tight. Then I got in an ostentatious limo, though not with most of the family. Carlisle, Esme, Alice, and Emmett were all in a car together, while Rosalie Jasper and I were in another. I remembered thinking about how furious Edward would be at that, then remembering that, technically, I was no longer part of the family anyway.

I told them about how Jasper stuck by my side at the funeral and my little impromptu threat to Felix even though I knew I would never be able to follow through on it. I remembered sobbing as a casket I thought held my husband was lowered into the ground, and fighting every urge to find relief in what Carlisle told me that day.

The wake afterwards was nearly as unbearable as the funeral. There were family members I had met and extended family I had never even heard of. Most gave me sideways glances, and some came over to try to talk to me. I was curt and rude most of the time but I was beyond caring about anyone else's feelings at that point.

Someone, Emmett I thought, had wrapped a blanket around my shoulders at some point. I sat on the couch as far away from everyone as possible and watched all of those people mourn my husband.

"A couple named Daniel and Maggie came up to me right before I had to go," I sighed.

"Daniel is Carlisle's brother," Alice confirmed with a nod.

My conversation with them was very one sided. I couldn't even put a face to the voice because I kept my eyes on the ground for most of it. I remembered his last words to me, though. _"My nephew was a good kid, and if he settled down for you then you've got to be an exceptional woman. I know my brother has had… issues with your relationship, but if things don't go your way with this trial, I'll take care of you. For Edward."_

"Then… I went back to that tiny cell and the scratchy blue scrubs." I shrugged, then realized I had an embarrassing stream of tears running down my cheeks. _Shit, I hated crying in front of people. _

"Anyway," I sighed, furiously wiping the tears away with the arm of my robe. "It wasn't your job to take care of me, Alice. He's your brother, and you needed to focus on your own grief."

I looked up at the girls, for the first time since I started talking, and saw their own tears. "Shit, I'm sorry, I –"

"_That's_ why I should have been there for you more, Bella. Because no one loved, _loves_, him more than you."

"It's okay, really. It's over and done, and we're all good. But… please don't tell Edward I remember, okay?"

I was excellent at repressing my emotions, and it had become second nature to shut down every reminder of his funeral. It was, without a doubt, the worst day of my life but I couldn't let him know I remembered every excruciating detail. He felt bad enough that I had to go through it, and I saw the relief on his face every time I told him I didn't remember much.

"Okay," they both sighed at the same time.

I was exhausted now, but sleep was definitely out of the question. I needed a long time before I could close my eyes and not relive the whole ordeal. "Should we, uh, get ready? Maybe go shopping?"

I went to my own room to get ready, grabbing my phone and falling into bed. Edward answered on the first ring.

"Hey," I said softly, feeling my throat constrict.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "I just miss you."

"Are you having a good time? Alice and Rose aren't driving you crazy yet?"

"No, we're about to go shopping."

"Buy yourself something utterly indecent to wear for me?"

"You have a one-track mind, Mr. Cullen," I sighed, smiling to myself at his question. Glad he was there to ask it.

We were both quiet for a moment too long. "Are you sure you're okay, Bella?"

His inability _not_ to worry about me made me feel a little better. Not because I wanted him to worry, but because he cared enough to worry. "Yeah, I'm sure. I should go, though. Love you."

"I love you. Have a good time, Bella."

It wasn't as cold as Chicago, but it was still on the chilly side so I pulled on some black jeans that would be uncomfortably tight if they were an inch smaller, a black camisole laced around the edges, and a burgundy three-quarter sleeved biker jacket. I took more time than usual on my makeup, because Vegas seemed like the kind of place that required it.

I'd sat in more makeup chairs than I could count, so a smoky winged eyeliner was a pretty simple task for me. I grabbed my small bag, tossing my phone inside and met the girls in the living room.

Our afternoon was somehow just what I needed after the emotional morning. I was no stranger to stress shopping, but usually I did it online. There was nothing quite like the distraction of spending money to get you to forget all of your other problems.

Our shopping excursion started with actual clothing and eventually moved on to lingerie. I was quickly learning that there were no walls when it came to being friends with Alice and Rosalie, and that no topic was off limits. Even when it was sex with one of their brothers.

"Oh, trust me, Bella, I've heard things. Horrible things," Alice scrunched up her nose when I asked her about it. "You know Edward doesn't have the most… virtuous past."

"Oh, I know," I grumbled, thinking back to all of the stories _I _had heard and all of the side eyes I had gotten in the past. Women weren't shy about letting me know they wanted my husband, or had him in the past.

We were in the corner of a store with some French name I couldn't pronounce. They were kind enough to empty out the store while we were here, so thankfully we didn't have to worry about any prying ears. Still, Rose leaned in to me when she asked, "Is he in to anything weird?"

"Rose!" I gasped. They had always seemed so… proper before.

"What! It's a valid question! I mean, you said he keeps a drawer stocked with lingerie for you, but there's got to be more than that. The guy had half of the city wanting to fuck him for years."

I thumbed through the rack, not really seeing anything I was looking at. I supposed I had never been great at 'girl talk'. Sure, I had friends and we gossiped, but it was never in so much detail. Maybe it was good to get it out, though?

"He's not in to anything weird," I sighed, smiling to myself a little bit.

"Really? Emmett has a thing for feet."

Somehow, I managed to choke on my own saliva. "What?"

"He – "

"I don't… I don't think I want to know, actually," I laughed to myself.

"Jasper loves corsets. Kind of an old timey vibe? They're a bitch to get in to, though."

"Oh, my God," I whispered to myself, hiding my face in my hands. I wasn't someone who was overly private, I put out songs about sex all of the time, but it was different when you knew this kind of stuff about someone you saw every day.

"See? Edward has to have _something._"

"I mean…" There was _one_ thing I had noticed, especially lately. I wasn't sure if it was as much of a 'thing' as being in to feet or corsets, though. "I do think he has a thing for the fact that I'm someone a lot of people want." I frowned at myself, but there really wasn't a more humble way to phrase it.

"I can see that," Alice nodded. "Having everyone's fantasy girl? Definitely an Edward kind of thing."

"I wouldn't say – "

"Bella, you're hot. People want you. You don't have to be so modest."

My blush betrayed me, still lingering when we left the store. After our lingerie outing we ended up wandering around a Cartier store. One of the rings caught my eye. It had three intertwining bands of gold, silver, and rose gold, all encrusted in diamonds. I looked over at Alice and Rosalie, realizing they were quickly becoming a couple of the only other people I could confide in besides Edward.

"I'll take three," I told the woman behind the counter. Her eyes bugged out a little, probably counting up the triple digit sale she was about to make, including the watch I had set aside earlier for Edward.

"We've got company," Ben told us as we headed for the door. "I have two guys doing crowd control. I'll take Alice and Rose out first, then come back for you. Okay?"

I nodded and handed him my bags with a frown. Chicago had somehow managed to say mostly paparazzi free. There were phases when people migrated to us to try and get something good, but it was never for very long and it was a complete blessing that it stayed that way. The last time I had to deal with a large crowd of photographers had to have been when I was walking out of the precinct after I was acquitted.

I nervously twirled my wedding rings around my finger, watching through the storefront window as a few flashes went off when Alice and Rose walked out.

Ben came back, staring at me when I made no move to follow him. "It's fine. I've got your back, Bella."

"I know. It's just… Been a long time, I guess."

I wasn't sure what was making me so apprehensive. I lived in Los Angeles for years where I couldn't go get a cup of coffee without a crowd larger than this one following me. I suppose having photographers shout at me every day for a year as I walked in to the courthouse was a wound I never really fixed on the island.

"I won't let anything happen to you," Ben said sternly.

I took a deep breath, opening the door and keeping my eyes on the car that was parked just ten feet away. The flashes were a hundred times brighter than what I saw when Alice and Rose walked out, but I felt Ben's hand on my shoulder, gently pushing me forward when I froze for a moment.

My ears started ringing, which was a bit of a blessing in disguise because it meant I didn't hear anything they were shouting at me. I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding when I collapsed into the car and Ben slammed the door behind me.

I couldn't help but stare out of the tinted window, watching as more men than I recognized tried to disperse the crowd, all with that look I knew too well. The one that came from working for someone as overprotective and demanding as Edward.

"How many people do you have here?" I asked Ben once he was in the driver's seat.

"I have a team of ten here, along with Alice and Rosalie's details as well," he said, albeit reluctantly.

I stopped myself before I could say something about it being excessive. Because, of course, Edward had been smart to add them because they _were_ needed.

"The boys upped everyone's security years ago, once you and Edward announced your relationship," Alice said, seemingly unfazed by everything.

"They did?"  
"Oh, yeah. I mean, I grew up with men in suits following me around, but that number doubled once you came around."

"I'm sorry," I sighed, not knowing what else to say. I knew Ben was constantly by my side, and that Eric was usually wandering around as well, but I had no idea there were ten extra men with us here.

Alice and Rosalie both seemed completely unbothered by the whole thing. "It really is no big deal, Bella. Security and threats are kind of a package deal when you're a Cullen."

"I guess so," I relented.

I was still a little distracted and off when we got back to the suite to get ready for dinner. Alice and Rosalie informed me to wear the dress they convinced me to get earlier. It was black sequins that reflected beautifully when the light hit it, fell off of one shoulder and angled at my thigh, a small train falling to my ankles in the back.

I tried to call Edward as I was changing, but ended up with his voicemail.

An hour later the girls and I were walking into a packed sushi restaurant after surviving another round of camera flashes. Thankfully, this second time was much easier than earlier.

Our dinner was my chance to finally know Alice and Rosalie for themselves, and not who they had to be in Chicago. Rosalie told me how she left home the second she turned eighteen, before she graduated high school because her parents were alcoholics. She worked two jobs for a while, barely scraping by before she met Emmett. She worked at one of Jasper's strip clubs, but met Emmett for the first time at the Starbucks she also worked at. I got to hear about how Emmett would sit in the corner of her store for hours, just to wait for a half hour break with her.

Alice told me about seeing Jasper in a diner late one night when she was in college, eating at a table by himself. She simply sat down across from him and talked to him for hours, something I never would have had the nerve to do, no matter how _panty-dropping gorgeous_ a guy was. Alice's words, not mine.

Hearing their stories, I was surprised that neither Rose or Jasper ever had any problem with Carlisle or Esme. Maybe it was because Emmett was never going to be the one taking over the family, and Alice was never in the family business. Or maybe they just didn't like me.

It wasn't anything new, people not liking me. So, it was easy to get over, even with the knowledge that they accepted Rosalie and Jasper with open arms.

When we finished dinner and I stood up, my head felt heavier than it had earlier and I realized how much I had to drink. I was never a big drinker. I would have a glass of wine with dinner or the occasional social drink, but it was rare for me to get so drunk that Ben had to keep a firm grip on my arm to get me to the car. Or Edward if we were alone.

In the car, with the window down and fresh air billowing in, I was able to clear my head a little bit. We were all still tipsy, to put it mildly, by the time we stumbled back to our suite. We ended up on the large couch on the patio, overlooking the city with another bottle of wine between us. The conversation somehow ended up on me again when Rosalie asked, "Do you get nervous? Going on tour?"

I sighed. "Yeah, definitely. This show especially." We had barely gotten started with it, but I had high hopes for the final outcome. "It's… on a completely different scale to what I've done in the past. I want it to be the best thing I've ever done."

"I can't imagine what it's like, practically the whole world having opinions on everything you do," Alice sighed. "I mean, the Cullen's end up in the paper every now and then, but nothing like you."

There were already articles that said my unannounced tour was going to be a flop, that tickets wouldn't sell and the show would be a mess. Even though I knew I would spend the next five months making sure the show was solid, I had to count on the fact that the fans I had disappointed and left behind the last few years would still be there waiting for me.

"It's definitely… stressful I guess."

We were all quiet for a minute, and I realized that even though Alice and Rose had been nothing but honest with me all day, I was still holding myself back. As much as I was used to only opening up to Edward, I needed to realize that they were in my corner now, too.

All of my worries started tumbling out and I couldn't stop it. My fears about keeping everyone that showed up safe from my fears of not being able to do a show as big as I was planning. My nightmares about going out to empty stadiums and every article being right about the tour flopping.

"You're the hardest working woman I've ever met, Bella," Rosalie said softly. "You've worked yourself into the hospital before if I remember correctly. It just seems… kind of like a given that you'll have a successful tour to me."

"I've had parents from Maggie and Jared's school already asking me to get their kids tickets to see you whenever you're in town," Alice said with a smile. "And we're here if you need to bounce ideas off of anyone, not that we know much about touring in the first place," she finished with a lopsided smile that bared a striking resemblance to Edward's.

The rings I bought earlier suddenly popped into my mind. "Oh, I almost forgot!"

I stumbled over to where I stashed the bag earlier, and pulled out the three boxes, handing one to Alice and Rose. "These are for you."

Both of their eyes widened comically when they saw the rings.

"Bella, this is too much," Alice said, snapping the box shut.

I rolled my eyes at her. "Please. You know your brother has no issue spending ungodly amounts of money on jewelry."

"He used to, you know," Rosalie said, smiling down at her new, sparkling accessory.

"He used to, what?"

"I'm pretty sure you're the only woman he's ever bought jewelry for."

I scoffed, staring down at my own accessories. I had never asked for a price, but I knew the diamonds covering my left ring finger were in the seven-digit range. There was also a box back home that was filled with more diamonds than anyone ever needed. Rings, earrings, necklaces, bracelets that I no longer wore because anything tight around my wrist petrified me, it was all there. All bought by Edward.

"I highly doubt that, Rose," I told her, shaking my head. He was far too good at picking out jewelry to have never done it before.

"Oh, it's true," Alice added. "He really… never gave a shit before. He worked, found a blonde to spend his nights with, and that was it. Those women never got anything more than a t-shirt to go home in."

"That's all he did before?" I asked, suddenly sad. I knew he probably wasn't sad in the moment; he lived the kind of life most men dreamed of, but it was so opposite of who I knew him as.

"Pretty much," Alice sighed. "Once he started working with Carlisle he never really looked back on anything he used to be interested in."

"What did he used to like?"

"He was obsessed with cars. Racing cars, classic cars, modern cars… all of it. Even when he couldn't reach the pedal of a car, he was hanging posters of them on his walls. He used to be obsessed with some one of a kind classic Aston Martin. He's got about three of them now, go figure," she said with a smile and shrug.

I knew he enjoyed cars now. Our garage was full of cars that I had never seen leave the house, including the one I got him for his birthday years ago. I never realized it was a passion left over from his childhood.

"He used to want to be a car salesman, he loved them so much."

I about choked on my wine when she said that. Edward was horrible with people. He could intimidate them like no other, but trying to sweet talk someone into buying a car? It was laughable. And adorable.

"So… embarrassing Edward stories. You must have some, right? I mean, he wasn't always so perfect." I was suddenly itching for more stories about him. I could live without the ones that involved beautiful blondes, but I wanted to know the stuff he would never tell me.

"Oh, I have _tons_ of stories."

…**rep…**

As expected, things were hectic as soon as I got back from Las Vegas. Dancers were quickly found, rehearsals were started, and I got too busy to be sad about not still being stranded alone with Edward. I had this pang of uneasiness still sometimes, but it was easily ignored.

All afternoon I had been on a conference call with a group of executives from my label, all trying to get me to agree to shit I didn't want to do. I spent a good hour in there daydreaming about what I could be doing now instead of listening to them whine about not making enough money off of me yet. A very vivid memory of one of Edward's birthday's we celebrated on the island floated to my mind. That kind of day was at the top of my list of things I'd rather be doing.

I was supposed to have the excuse of being at rehearsals to get out of this phone call. Then, five minutes into rehearsal, I went and twisted my ankle. Nothing serious, but enough to need to come home, ice it, and not do much for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, that meant I was available to have men in suits with no concept of what I was trying to do with the whole _reputation_ theme tell me what to do.

I was sitting on the couch, ankle propped up and covered in ice, comfortable in a pair of yoga pants and a soft grey pullover. I flipped through a magazine as they continued to go on and on. The front door opened and the group quickly quieted when they realized I was on the phone.

"Oh, you can keep going," I told them, angrily turning the page. I muted the call hours ago so I could do whatever I wanted without them knowing I was paying no attention. "They're not important."

"What the hell happened to you?" Edward asked, coming over to quickly sit on the table beside my foot. He carefully lifted the ice pack, seeming pleased that my ankle wasn't horribly swollen or bruised.

"I just twisted it a little bit. I'm fine," I shrugged.

"You should have called me."

_We think it would be beneficial to everyone involved if a deluxe version of the album was released prior to the tour._

I quickly pressed the mute button. "No." I turned back to everyone else, all seated around me now, after muting the call again.

"How'd you do it?" Alice asked, sitting down next to me.

"It's no big deal. I just need to stay off it for the day and I should be fine tomorrow."

"Trip over your own two feet?" Emmett asked, smirking in my direction.

"No," I said defensively, mumbling the rest. "I tripped over a cord."

Edward sighed across from me, a smirk fighting to stay off of his lips.

"I'm _not_ that clumsy." I really wasn't. I was human and I tripped occasionally. Yeah, my trips tended to be in the most embarrassing situations, like at the Oscars or when I had a crew of eighty people watching me, but… whatever.

I frowned at the not-so-quiet chuckles coming from the sudden crowd around me. "What are you all doing here, anyway?"

_The press have been itching to sit down with you, a special right before the tour would – _

I unmuted the call quickly. "I was very clear about this a year ago, and I haven't changed my mind. _No_ press."

Muting the call again, I turned back to everyone. "So?"

"We were trying to get Edward to stop being so stubborn," Alice huffed.

"What's he being stubborn about?"

"Every spring the Northwestern alumni committee always has a little get together on campus. A chance to butter the hands of any recent or not-so-recent graduate they can get their hands on, and they even invite some current students to talk to the graduates. This year, they came to Alice and I to see if we'd like to help organize this initiative they're starting, a fund to help various places around the city. One of the goals being to keep weapons out of the hands of kids around the city. Especially due to the recent increase in crime in the area," Rose finished, a not-so-subtle glare at Edward when she was done. "It's a giant public relations stunt, but for a good cause."

I frowned at Edward, now relaxed on the couch next to me with his arm stretched out behind me. The picture of ease, not caring at all that he alone caused a notable increase in crime in the city. He shrugged, then had the nerve to wink at me.

"Okay," I replied, confused. "What does that have to do with Edward?" I asked, shifting uncomfortably in my spot.

I actively avoided any kind of news these days. I didn't want to hear anything about myself or Edward, and I knew we were clogging up the news cycle in Chicago. I was the almost-convicted-murderer who had returned and Edward was the man brought back to life. People liked to talk about it. A lot.

But, I also knew exactly what Rose was referring to. I hadn't heard any of the stories myself, but I wasn't stupid. I knew with Edward being back he was going to have to… reinforce his position again. Nothing said _I'm back_ like a pile of bodies of people who fucked him over.

I had been too busy to care about finding the cause of this pang of panic and uneasiness I got since coming back. Sometimes I got it in the morning when I was taking a shower, or sometimes in the middle of rehearsal. There was never a common factor, until I looked over at Edward and saw this sinister smile on his face that made even my blood run cold.

On the island, I never had to worry about him coming home hurt or not coming home at all. Never had to wonder if he was covered in his blood or someone else's. Now, even subconsciously, I was.

"Edward doesn't want to be part of it because he _likes _the increase in crime."

I huffed to myself, glaring over at him.

"Then," Alice added. "He got Emmett and Jasper on board with his whole idea of not going to the alumni reunion and not supporting the cause."

"I don't have to sit behind a desk and boss people around anymore," Emmett said with a boyish delight. "I get to go out and get my hands dirty again, and decreasing crime in the area sounds boring."

_Mrs. Cullen, we really believe it'll be in everyone's best interest if we –_

The voices of the men constantly telling me what to do suddenly made me furious. I didn't have the desire or time to deal with them now. I unmuted the call, frowning down at the phone.

"I don't care about everyone else's best interests," I snapped. "Heidi, you can handle everything from here, yes?"

"Of course, Bella."

I hung up, tossing my phone on the table in front of me. Men in suits telling me what to do was the last thing I wanted to think about right now. Of course, I also didn't want to think about my husband enjoying the increase in crime in the city, but it was a more pressing matter.

"So, what are you two going to do about the whole initiative?" I asked Alice and Rosalie.

"Well, we thought talking to the cause of the problem would be a good first step, but he's too stubborn."

I frowned at Edward beside me, twirling a piece of my hair like he didn't care at all about the conversation.

"You don't need them. I can help you."

Alice and Rosalie both beamed at me, and Edward quickly dropped the strand of my hair.

"Bella…" he started, but I didn't let him finish.

"I get that, you know, you all like causing bloodshed and mayhem. But, maybe getting the weapons that _you_ brought in to the city out of the hands of kids who shouldn't have them in the first place should be a priority for you, too."

"Technically _you_ bought the weapons plant," Emmett muttered.

He was right, of course. When the men got arrested Edward was in the middle of a deal with some plant in New York. I was the one that signed the papers and finalized everything, though.

"_Technically,_" I said, mimicking Emmett. "You have a two-year-old son at home. And you," I said, turning my attention to Jasper. "Have two teenagers at home. Maybe keeping yourselves and them safe from weapons in the hands of people who shouldn't have them should be another priority."

"And you," I finished, looking at Edward beside me. "If you come home hurt or dead because of this crime spree you're having so much fun on, I will revive you just so I can kill you myself. Understood?"

I ignored Jasper and Emmett, but couldn't help but notice Edward staring at me. He didn't know about my worries about him, especially because I only really realized them myself about ten minutes ago. It wouldn't take him long to piece everything together, now.

"We don't need them, anyway," I repeated to Alice and Rose.

"Well, usually half of the total donations to these kinds of things are from them," Rosalie muttered.

I could hand over a check that made up for all three men's lack of interest in the cause. I didn't want to simply write a check, though. That would make it seem like I was just tossing money at an issue that I helped cause.

"As long as I can get the venue situated… it would be up to everyone else if they wanted to donate their salary…" I muttered to myself, making a quick plan in my head. "We could open up the final dress rehearsal of the show. Maybe if there are organizations around the city that help kids that are… high risk for turning to drugs or crime we could give them free tickets. Charge everyone else and donate the proceeds."

The girls stared at me for a minute, making me second guess everything. "I mean… if you want. I could just write a check – "

"That would be… amazing, Bella. You really want to do that?"

"Sure," I shrugged. "If it'll help."

With a tentative plan in place I told Alice and Rose I would call them after attempting to check on a few details. I was left sitting on the couch, Edward still beside me. He hadn't said much since asking me about my ankle.

He was probably pissed, and rightfully so. I knew he didn't want anything to do with this whole thing and I stepped in anyway. But, as soon as Alice and Rose started talking about it, I felt like I _needed_ to do something. Because if anything ever happened, if Edward ever came home hurt or didn't come home at all, there would always be a little voice in the back of my head that told me I could have helped to prevent it.

"You don't have to worry about me," Edward said quietly, grabbing one of my hands that was fraying the blanket in my lap.

I just barely suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. Instead, opting to rest my head on his shoulder beside me. "I know what you do for a living, Edward. Of course, I have to worry."

He didn't reply, because I was right. No matter what he said, I would always know what he really did. That was the downside to not having the same kind of mindset as Alice and Rose. It would be so much easier to blindly send Edward off to work each morning, not knowing as many gory details as I did.

Unfortunately, I lost that luxury a long time ago.

"Are you mad at me?" I whispered against his neck.

Edward let out a heavy sigh. "No. You're doing a good thing for a lot of people."

I frowned. "But then why didn't _you_ want to help with it?"

He shrugged. "The weapons are mostly from me, but it won't affect my business at all, getting some of them off of the streets. Alice and Rose were just bugging me."

I choked out a laugh before punching his shoulder. "You really can be a jerk sometimes, you know."

He winked at me, moving quickly from the couch to sit on the table beside my ankle. Edward lifted the nearly melted bag of ice off of it, gently lifting my foot. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes," I sighed. "It really hardly hurt at all. I just didn't want to make it any worse." I twisted my ankle carefully, pleased when there wasn't even the smallest bit of pain or discomfort.

Edward looked up at me, a smile tugging on his lips. "A cord? Really?"

"They're a tripping hazard," I said, my voice getting embarrassingly high pitched as I defended myself.

…**rep…**

Most people didn't understand my job. Sometimes even I didn't understand it. I knew Edward had trouble wrapping his mind around why I did what I did, or why I cared about the public's perception of me enough to go back to work. It was hard to explain sometimes, why I kept going back to a job that constantly lead to everything I did being overanalyzed and misconstrued.

There were a few reasons for it, though. One being the people. There were a lot of people that had supported my career from day one, and I liked to keep a close eye on them. Even thinking the term _fan_ made me feel a little conceited, but I supposed that was the word for it. When I was practically growing up on movie sets from sixteen on, I spent a lot of time on my phone or computer seeing what they were doing, what normal people my age were doing.

When they tagged me in a photo of them hanging out at a movie theater seeing one of my films, every long night working was worth it. When they started showing me tattoos of my lyrics on their skin every ounce of anger that went into that song went away. Ever since they let me in to their lives I felt a big sense of responsibility to them.

I wanted to do projects they would like, but also ones that were new and challenging for me. I wanted to be a good role model for them, because like it or not that was what I was to a lot of kids. And, I wanted to show them how much I appreciated them whenever I could. It was hard to explain to someone who didn't have a 170 million following on Instagram what that sense of loyalty and responsibility was like.

As odd as it might sound, I missed them while I was gone. I didn't dare get online for a long time after the trial, and I knew any searching would lead to me seeing or reading things I wasn't ready for.

While I did certain things for them, I also did a lot of it for me, too. I truly loved what I did. I loved acting and getting to completely transform myself into another person. Getting to be inside someone else's mind; figuring out what they were thinking or feeling, deciding how they would react and respond to everything life threw at them was exhilarating. I loved transforming my own reactions and traumas into music and solving the puzzle of putting that into a film.

With my personal albums and films, I was able to turn my job into my defense mechanism. Because while I had an army of loyal people behind me, I also had an equally as strong army on the other side that wanted to see me crash and burn. The ones who flooded every one of my socials with a snake emoji when I was incarcerated, the ones who were probably ecstatic to see me falling apart throughout the trial.

For some reason, there was something inside me that refused to let those people win. I could never back down and hide forever. It would tear me apart to have to watch them from afar, let them think they beat me down and won. I knew it was petty and vindictive, but I hated losing.

Now, I had an album that debuted with more copies sold its first week out than any album sold all of last year, a film that finally told the world my point of view, and a stadium tour across the country. Not everyone liked everything, of course. It was impossible to please everyone, but the ones that mattered liked it and that was all I wanted.

With the album and film out of the way, I was finally able to focus solely on the tour. Being a live performer definitely wasn't my forte. I considered myself an actress, first and foremost. I stumbled into the whole songwriting thing, which led to the singing thing, which led to live performances. With acting, I could mess up twenty times before getting everything right once, and that was that. There was a reason I never had any interest in live theater; too much pressure.

Then, I started touring and realized that I was exactly right; live performances were stressful as hell. If I fucked up a live show on tour, I ruined someone's entire night; wasted the hundreds they spent on a ticket and maybe even travel arrangements, and marred what I hoped would have been a wonderful memory for them for years to come.

I was in charge of putting on a multi-million-dollar operation, making every show as perfect as the last for months on end, and it was the kind of thing that people didn't realize was stressful as hell because of how _easy_ it looked.

No one saw the months I spent planning everything in my head before the album was even out.

No one knew how much money and effort was put into making the stages or the visuals for it.

No one could understand the hours the dancers and band and I would put in for months on end before the show was even somewhat presentable. Not to mention the effort put in to the security for each venue, parking and merchandise sales… there was a hell of a lot more going on than just the show.

At night when I would come home, exhausted and stressed, Edward would always give me this look that said _are you sure you want to put yourself through this?_

My answer was always yes. It would have been easy for me to say _fuck it_ and go on living my life. I had released the album and film, people knew my side of the story now and I was no longer as universally hated as I once was. But it all came back to those people. The ones that stood up for me throughout everything. As much as I was doing this to get my side of the story out, I was doing it for them too. And they deserved a fun, safe place to spend a couple hours to forget their problems.

Even if that meant I spent months locked in a warehouse, covered in bruises while I tried to pretend I had any semblance of coordination. Despite all of the bruises and the falling, rehearsals were genuinely fun; exhausting, but fun. The dancers were talented as hell and all so passionate about what they did it was inspiring. They put up with my clumsiness, all with patient smiles.

I had about a month after the album release to organize everything before rehearsals started. That was the only somewhat _normal_ month I got at home with Edward before our hours officially never matched up.

I got to see him maybe once every few days. We would have dinner or talk about our respective days for a while before I either passed out in bed or Edward had to go to work. The kind of work that had him out in the middle of the night.

It was hard for us to find a balance, especially after we spent years side by side on the island. We weren't used to having distractions from each other, or having to really work at spending time together. Our real-life couple skills were incredibly rusty.

I sighed to myself, walking through Emmett and Rosalie's front door, thinking about how it had been a good forty-eight hours since I last saw him. Rose and Alice typically invited me over for dinner nearly every night, though I only went once or twice a week. It was still taking a lot of getting used to. Being friends with them was quickly becoming second nature but it was also odd seeing them as mothers.

Kids were always a touchy subject for me. Now that I had to be around them? I wasn't sure what to do. I was never a kid person. Never babysat anyone when I was growing up or was around people all that much younger than me at all.

Now I was suddenly called _Aunt Bella_ and it was mildly freaking me out.

"Good, you made it," Rosalie said with a smile. She was curled up in a soft blue chair in her living room, staring down at Alec while he played with the stuffed animals on the floor.

Before I could say anything, the phone rang.

"Oh, it's his doctor's office. I've been trying to get ahold of them all day. Can you watch him for a minute?" Rosalie asked, standing from her seat and grabbing the phone.

"I, uh," I mumbled, staring at her like she had lost her mind. "Be in charge of his health and wellbeing… by myself? I don't think I –"

"Just a couple minutes. I promise," she said with a smile before leaving with the phone.

"Oh, boy," I mumbled, staring down at Alec.

He was completely oblivious that his mother left, focused so intently on the incompressible conversation between the stuffed dog and giraffe he was having. I sat down on the floor beside him, not trusting myself to let him out of my sight. Could he walk? Crawl? What did normal two-year-old's do?

"Hi, Aunt Bella," he said quietly, his words a little bit jumbled. He shoved a stuffed zebra in my hands.

"Hi."

Alec had an entire zoo around him. He went through every stuffed animal he had, telling me what kind of animal it was, and then the name he had for it. My knowledge on child rearing was iffy at best, but it was impressive as hell that he knew the names of all of them.

He looked exactly how I would imagine Emmett looked at two; curly brown hair and mischievous eyes. Before I could get too caught up in how odd it was that Emmett of all people had a baby, the front door opened and Alice walked in with Jared and Maggie.

"Oh, thank God," I breathed out, standing up and collapsing back into the same chair Rose was in before. A moment later, Rose was back too.

"You survived," she said with a laugh.

"Just barely."

They both laughed, but I was just relieved I was no longer the only adult in the room. It was only three minutes but it was three minutes knowing the life of a tiny human was my responsibility and I didn't love it.

The front door swung open yet again, and the sound of three frustrated men floated through the living room.

"Fucker needs to be dealt with."

"We've been trying. He's fucking good, Edward."

The talking stopped when they walked past the full living room.

"I thought dinner was at Jasper's," Edward said, his eyes purposefully not coming anywhere near me.

"Alec wasn't feeling well, so we moved it here," Rose replied with a shrug.

Emmett walked over to greet his wife and child, and Jasper did the same. Edward approached me slowly, leaning down to press a soft, quick kiss to my cheek before turning his back on me.

I turned to Rose once they were gone, headed upstairs to Emmett's office. "They meet at whoever's house we're not at?"

"Usually, yeah. Emmett said it was just to keep out of our way."

I frowned to myself, quickly realizing that was complete bullshit. It was to keep _me_ out of the way. Their 'meetings' were always, _always_, at our house. Except these days, Edward was hardly home. I assumed they were doing more… recreational activities as opposed to their usual meetings, but apparently I was wrong.

"I'll be right back," I muttered, heading toward the stairs. Edward was coming out of one of the restrooms just as I was coming down the hall.

"Hey," I whispered, catching his attention. He turned around, smiling that crooked smile at me, but it was off. Fake. "Is everything okay?"

"Fine," he said, his voice monotone and flat.

Once I was right in front of him, I got a quick peck before he tried to turn around. I grabbed his hand before he could go.

"Edward – "

"I'm just busy, Bella. Go enjoy your dinner," he told me, slightly more convincing than before. His fingers brushed my cheek softly, and I got a few soft kisses before he turned away.

Once I got back downstairs I faked a migraine and went home. I paced my own living room, trying to think of anything that would give me a clue as to why Edward would avoid me. How long had he been avoiding having his meetings here? Was he avoiding _me_ or was he just stressed being back to work?

It was hours later that he got home and I still had no answers. I had settled myself in bed a while ago and pretended to be asleep when Edward got in bed. The only reason I was able to fall asleep was because, even with whatever was going on with him, he still made sure to wrap his arms around me before he fell asleep.

…**rep…**

I sighed to myself, tossing my lipstick into my small clutch and grabbing my baby blue coat from the bed. Esme had convinced Edward to let her throw a party at her house in honor of his comeback. Personally, I thought it was just so she could get attention and pity from all of her friends. Edward sure as hell didn't care about a coming home party in his honor. Maybe I was just being cynical, though.

It had been a few weeks since my run in with Edward at Rosalie's and it was still bothering me. We never really talked about it, just went on with our odd routine. I was nearly at my breaking point, though.

When Edward mentioned this party Esme was throwing, he told me I didn't have to go. It was going to be a lot of people I didn't want to be around, namely people that he _worked_ with. But, I insisted on going because I just wanted a few hours of being beside my husband. Pathetic, but true.

I didn't care that it was a black-tie event, for no apparent reason than women trying to one-up each other, and I didn't care that Edward suspected a few members of the Volturi family might be there. So, I put on my baby blue chiffon dress and plastered on a smile.

Edward emerged from his office, where he had been sequestered ever since I got home, just as I was walking downstairs to leave.

"Everything okay?" I asked him while he grabbed his keys and ran a hand through his hair, a hopeless attempt to get it to settle down.

"It will be," he told me, looking down at me with a smile that seemed oddly forced. I ignored it for now, though, because he gave me a soft kiss and it made my head foggy.

I watched him drive through the neighborhood toward his parents' house, reminiscing on the time we had together on the island. It was kind of like we were different people now; Edward was back to being the Edward everyone feared and I was back to working too much and being stressed about anything and everything.

"I miss you," I sighed into the silence, nervously twirling my wedding rings around my finger.

Edward pulled into the driveway, turning the car off and looked over at me. He seemed confused at first, but after a minute he softened. "I miss you, too."

He opened his mouth to say more, but impatient pounding on the window interrupted us.

"Come on, golden boy!" Emmett's muffled voice sounded from outside the car. I looked at the house while Edward and Emmett talked briefly. It was more ostentatious than our home. There were expensive cars littering the driveway, and the people inside were likely pissed that Edward Cullen was back in town.

I didn't want to hate Esme. It would have made our lives a lot easier if we got along, but that was impossible. All of the backhanded compliments, the way she never failed to tell me I wasn't good enough for Edward, her inability to put aside her wants for her son would always cloud my judgement of her. If it was petty or vindictive of me to hold those things over her after all these years, then so be it.

She wasn't throwing this party because she was relieved to have her son home. She was throwing the party because she wanted attention and sympathy from her friends for all of her so-called struggles.

"I'm sorry," Edward whispered in my ear as we walked in. I squeezed his hand.

Once we were inside, Esme spent a good five minutes talking to Edward before she acknowledged my presence. "Bella, dear, you look well."

"Thank you," I sighed, nervously tucking my hair behind my ear. I wasn't necessarily nervous about being around Esme, but just nervous in general. This whole Edward situation made me feel… vulnerable. And I didn't like it at all.

"Well, you kids help yourself to the food, have a drink, and try not to be too wrapped up in each other okay? These people are here to see you, Edward."

I bit my tongue, thinking about how Edward would have no problem not spending too much time around me tonight.

"Edward, my boy, good to see you," a man said, coming up and shaking Edward's hand.

"George, nice to see you," Edward replied, the softness falling from him. I knew better than to think I'd get many soft smiles or wandering hands at a place like this. It wasn't hard to see that these weren't friends. These were business associates. Some legal, some probably not so legal. I'm sure Carlisle helped Esme with the guest list.

"Come on, Bella." Rosalie appeared out of nowhere, grabbing my arm and leading us toward the formal living room with the stiff furniture and gossiping women.

I tried my best to keep from pouting. These events were completely sexist. The men would stand to the side, talking about business, while the women would sit in the living room gossiping. A complete cliché that I wasn't excited to be part of tonight.

It wasn't that I was completely antisocial. I could socialize when I wanted to, these just weren't the kind of women I wanted to spend time with. I'd gone to enough of these functions to know that.

Besides, women tended not to like me. Especially ones that saw themselves as the stars of the night. No one needed to be wearing a thirty-thousand-dollar designer dress to a party like this, but I could point out more than a few runway ready dresses in here. To them, they were the top of the top and I was competition. Although, to be fair, my dress was absurdly expensive as well.

Not that I cared about the Chicago social scene. But they didn't understand not caring. It was a complicated, viscous circle that I wanted nothing to do with, but I had been forced in the middle of it since I was twenty-one.

I sat between Rosalie and Alice, keeping a polite smile on my face. The good thing about my job was that I could out act any one of these women. They probably thought they were fantastic at pretending to like each other or acting like an insult didn't really insult them, but I could see right through that. They, however, couldn't see through me.

"It's lovely to finally meet you, Bella. You and Edward haven't been around much since you've gotten back," a woman who looked vaguely familiar said from across the table. From her greeting I obviously hadn't met her, which was a relief because I was completely blanking on a name.

"We've both been busy," I told her with a shrug. Edward hated these events just as much as I did. Now that he was in charge and our world wasn't crumbling around us, he could pick and choose which events he wanted to go to, as opposed to having Carlisle tell him he had to make an appearance everywhere.

"Hmm. I hope Edward's not getting _too_ busy," she sighed, looking around at some of the other women who nodded in response, like some inside joke I wasn't aware of.

"Their marriage isn't like that, Audrey," Rosalie snapped.

"Oh, please. I've known Edward longer than you, Rosalie. I know what he's like."

"He's not like that with Bella, hasn't been like that in a long time," Alice spoke up, looking over at me hesitantly.

Every instinct I had was telling me I didn't want to know what they were talking about, but that didn't stop me from asking, "Like what?"

"I'm sure you know of his past, sweetheart," one of the women beside Audrey said. There were few things as frustrating as a woman not five years older than you calling you _sweetheart_. "He's never been good at monogamy."

So, they were all under the assumption that my husband was cheating on me. _Wonderful._ "I – "

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Bella. Most men like that stray, at least from time to time. I mean, I adore my husband but I know I'm not the only woman he's fucked in the last month. It just… happens," Audrey said with a shrug, taking a sip of her champagne.

"Christ," I muttered to myself.

"Not all marriages are like that, Audrey. Some men enjoy what they have at home," Rosalie countered. I was nearly one-hundred percent sure Emmett and Jasper didn't have women on the side. I wouldn't put it past Carlisle to have had cheated on Esme in the past, though.

I knew Edward had a colorful past. I'd had women stare at me for hours across a room only to realize they were glaring at me because Edward was beside me, obviously pining for him. I had two men in my past, and he had half of Chicago. It was frustrating, yes, but there was no doubt in my mind he wasn't cheating on me. Even with the issues we were having now.

"My husband isn't cheating on me," I declared, ignoring the looks of pity I got from a few of the women.

"Oh, honey, if you think _Edward Cullen_ was celibate for a year while you were locked up, or that he's not going to find some younger model in a year or two, you're more delusional than the tabloids say."

"My husband isn't cheating on me because he knows I would kill any woman that put her hands on him, followed by making damn sure he could never fuck anyone else ever again," I hissed. It was a thinly veiled threat to every woman listening to drop the subject, but also to never even think about going near my husband. I didn't doubt him, but that didn't mean I wanted them falling all over him if they thought he was open for business.

Besides, a threat of murder and violence from a woman who was already on trial for it once was pretty convincing. I grabbed the glass of wine in front of Alice and downed it quickly. I'd regret it later, but I needed something to get through the rest of the night. I typically avoided drinking when I was rehearsing and on tour, but this seemed like an exception that needed to be made.

"Excuse me, ladies," I sighed, getting up from the lion's den and heading from room to room until I found one that was empty, save for a few teenagers that looked to be avoiding the party just like me.

Our sanctuary room seemed like an odd mixture of a library and an office. There was a beautiful baby grand piano in the corner that I sat down behind. I tinkered with a few of the keys, pleased to find out it was in tune.

I hummed to myself softly, sometimes singing, while I played, thankful for the way it made the accusations from a few minutes ago fade from my mind.

"_My baby's fit like a daydream, walking with his head down I'm the one he's walking to. So, call it what you want, yeah, call it what you want to."_

"That's one of my favorites," Edward whispered, sitting on the bench beside me. He ran a couple fingers along my arm, resting his hand on top of mine.

"What's wrong?" I asked, once I looked around and noticed the small cluster of teenagers that was here before were gone. Either I scared them off, or Edward did.

"Nothing is –"

"Please don't lie to me," I sighed, too tired of everything to keep the sadness out of my voice. I wanted us to get back to normal, and we couldn't do that with whatever it was hanging over his head.

Edward looked at me for minutes, his eyes never leaving mine and so intense I felt my cheeks start to heat up. I also saw the uncertainty in him, saw the stress he'd been under for so long but had been keeping it to himself.

"Not here," he told me, sounding too defeated for my liking. He let out a deep breath and let his forehead drop against mine. I sighed against his lips when he pressed them to mine, because it felt like I had my husband back for the first time in weeks.

"Let's get out of here," he whispered against my lips.

I pulled back, frowning. "We can't just leave, Edward."

"Of course, we can."

"This party is for you."

"We both know the party isn't about me." He was right. He'd been in here with me for a good twenty minutes and no one had come looking for him yet.

"The second we walk back in there someone is going to pull you away."

"We're adults, Bella," Edward said, getting up and walking over to the window opposite of the piano. "We can sneak out through the window with dignity."

"You want to sneak out the window?" I whisper-shouted.

"I used to do it all the time. Do you know how many times I came to dinner to find a prim and proper young woman expecting to be my wife waiting for me? I know Esme started sealing up some of the windows, but I never come in here so…" With a firm pull, Edward got the window open and slid it up. A triumphant smile covered his face when he looked back at me.

I walked over to the window tentatively. It seemed completely inappropriate and rude to ditch the party being thrown for Edward, but he was right. It wasn't really about him. And the thought of not having to go back in there was more than a little appealing.

Edward slid out of the window quickly and gracefully. Thankfully we were on the first floor. I bunched up my dress, attempting to climb out the window in the most graceful way possible.

"I've seen it all before, baby," Edward said with a smirk, holding his hand out to me.

I grabbed his hand and maneuvered as carefully as I could, attempting to keep some semblance of modesty. Once my feet plopped on the ground Edward quietly slid the window shut. He grabbed my hand and maneuvered us through the bushes and trees until we were out front, surrounded by cars. The drive home was quiet, but not the awkward silence like on our way here.

Once we were inside our own, blissfully empty home, I plopped down on the couch in the living room. Esme and Carlisle's home was a work of art, but there was nothing homey about it. It wasn't comforting or welcoming, which is what I wanted in a house. I liked to think our place wasn't like theirs, though I'm sure there were people who would never dare set a foot inside of it.

I pulled off my uncomfortably tall heels, tucking my legs underneath me. When Edward sat beside me, a crystal glass with amber liquid in his hand, I waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

"It can't be that bad," I said, glancing over at him. He was hunched over the couch, elbows on his knees twirling his cup in one hand.

I had a handful of nervous ticks I was aware of. I picked at my nails and tugged at the sleeves of my shirts or jackets until they were falling apart. They were sometimes a daily occurrence for me, but Edward never seemed nervous. Or he never let me know he was nervous.

Now, though, one leg was bouncing softly and his fingers were tapping against the glass of his forgotten drink.

"As long as you haven't slept with someone or crossed any kind of line that could be construed as cheating, I think my threshold for getting upset at things is pretty low."

Edward looked over at me, brow raised. "The only thing I could do to make you mad is cheat on you?"

"I mean, to make me _really_ mad, probably. I don't love the fact that you come home covered in blood or leave dirty towels on the bathroom floor but I'm not furious about it, either," I shrugged.

"See," Edward said, shaking his head. He dropped the glass on the table and leaned back against the couch, turning in my direction. "Any other woman would be furious at me for being an asshole the last month. But all you want is the reassurance that I'm not fucking someone else?"

"No," I corrected. "I want answers. But I just thought it would make it easier on you if you knew that was where my line was drawn."

"Ever since," Edward sighed, returning to his hunched over position. "Hell, practically since the first night I met you I wanted to take care of you. Make you smile, make sure you were safe. And, evidently, it's not something I'm very good at."

I scooted closer, wrapping an arm through one of his to pull him up to look at me. He kept going before I could interrupt.

"You've been shot, publicly persecuted because of your relationship with me, and nearly sent to prison because of me. And now…"

He flinched out of my hold, tossing his drink on the table and shooting up from the couch. I watched him pace behind the couch, muttering to himself. Pulling at his hair. Back and forth and back and forth until I couldn't take it anymore.

"Now?"

"Now, this fucker thinks you're his to take."

None of that made any sense to me. "What?"

Edward leaned over the back of the couch, and I turned to face him. Grabbing one of his tensed hands and squeezing, waiting.

"There's a man named Cory Burke who has been sending you verifiable threats the last month. I was hoping I could eliminate the issue before I had to worry you with it. He's ex-military, though, and knows how to hide."

"Oh." That wasn't what I was expecting. At all.

"Ben knows. You've had extra men added to your security detail for weeks. I just told them to stay hidden so it didn't worry you."

"So… you've been avoiding me to try and protect me from a potentially violent stalker?"

"I wasn't avoiding you," he told me, turning his head away from me. "Not on purpose. I just… fucking hate myself for letting something like this happen."

"Edward." I sat up on my knees, putting a hand to his cheek to get his attention. "You can't blame yourself for it. This happens to a lot of people on my career path. It's nothing you could have prevented, no matter how hard you tried."

I had about a hundred questions running through my mind, but I could tell questioning wasn't something Edward could handle right now. He looked so disappointed in himself and I hated it.

"I think there's half a pizza left over in the fridge," I said, falling back down on to the couch. "Are you hungry? I'm starving."

As much as it was a distraction for him, I really was starving. Rehearsing for eight to ten hours a day was exhausting, and the finger foods that Esme served were each about the size of my pinky.

I headed to the kitchen, making sure Edward was following. I smiled up at him when I pulled the pizza box out of the fridge, hopping up on the counter beside it.

Edward leaned against the counter opposite of the one I was sitting on, staring at me with questions in his eyes as he ate his own slice of cold, delicious pizza.

I was still itching to ask questions, but I decided to hold back until tomorrow. Instead, I enjoyed my pizza and the fact that I wasn't still stuck listening to gossipy women and watching Edward talk to men I knew wouldn't hesitate to put a bullet in his chest.

"Do you like events like that?" I asked before I knew what came out of my mouth.

"Like, what? Tonight? Fuck, no. I've been going to shit like that since I was twelve."

I smiled at his honesty. "We haven't gone to any since we've been back."

I knew, before, events like that were kind of part of Edward's job description. Before all hell broke loose, we were at fancy, mind-numbingly boring things like that a few nights a week.

Edward was quiet for a minute before answering. "I don't want to do things like Carlisle. I don't need to work for connections like him… I'm more about action, he was more about appearances."

That was all news to me. Again, I had to keep most of my questions to myself. Tomorrow was for answers and tonight was for getting my husband back.

I did allow myself one, innocent question, though. "So, we don't have to go to functions every other night and I don't have to pretend to be friends with those women?"

"No functions, no fake friends," Edward sighed, leaning back and taking a bite of pizza.

I smiled across the kitchen at him, because that plan was him in a nutshell. He didn't like relying on other people and didn't want to have to care about them in general. Even I could tell Carlisle was more in to the social game than the _game_ game.

Patting my hands clean over the pizza box I hopped off the counter, not hesitating to press myself firmly against Edward and stare up at him until he got the hint to lean down a kiss me. Really kiss me, not the pathetic pecks and brushes that I had gotten the last month.

"Come on," I mumbled against his lips, making a conscious effort to pull myself away. I grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him through the house, up the stairs behind me.

Edward slammed our bedroom door shut behind him as soon as we were inside, and a moment later I was pressed between the door and him. Hands wandered and tongues tangled.

"Finally," I groaned when he gave me a second to breathe, trailing his kisses down my neck and along my collarbone.

He looked up at me, an unspoken question on his face.

"You haven't _really_ kissed me or touched me or even sent me a dirty text message in weeks," I admitted, feeling my traitorous blush creep up my necks and cheeks.

Most women probably wouldn't have appreciated them, maybe thought it was demeaning or inappropriate, but in the first few weeks when we were back from the island I got gloriously filthy text messages every day while Edward was working. If we were lucky they led to us meeting at home and reenacting them, but in the last few weeks they had disappeared.

"I sincerely apologize for that, Mrs. Cullen," Edward groaned against my neck. I swear I felt his lips twitch into a smile against my skin.

I turned us around, pulling Edward by his tie over to the sitting area of our room. Our arms got in each other's way when I tried to get his jacket and shirt off and he was attempting to find the zipper of my dress, but eventually I got him half naked down to his dress pants, seated on the couch in front of me.

We were nowhere near even, considering all Edward had to do was push my dress down my shoulders to get me to a strapless bra and panties, but I didn't mind.

I sighed to myself as soon as I situated myself in his lap. With my legs on either side of his hips and my arms draped loosely around his shoulders I was in a position I knew most of the women I was talking to tonight probably wished they were in.

Sure, it was petty, but the thought sent a surge of pride through my stomach because I was the one he chose.

"God damn you're…" Edward sighed, eyes not shy about roaming over my body. He shrugged to himself, giving me my favorite lopsided grin. "Fucking hot, to be honest."

I smiled at him for a moment before falling against him, kissing the smirk off of his face. It had been a long time, by our standards, since we had any kind of intimacy and making out on the couch for a while sounded fan-fucking-tastic to me.

During our time on the couch I managed to even out the score, getting Edward out of his remaining clothing. By the time Edward got frustrated with the lack of space on the couch and tossed me on to the bed there was only a scrap of lace around my hips left between the two of us.

"I love you," Edward whispered against my chest, kissing and nipping his way down my body, getting rid of the last piece of fabric in his way.

"Edward," I sighed, my hips bucking in his direction when he placed the softest kiss to my clit. He wrapped his arms around my thighs, situating me just how he wanted, and I knew he was going to take his time torturing me.

I knotted my fingers in his hair, scratching his scalp to get a wonderful growl from him. There was a ringing from somewhere, but it ended quickly and I was distracted by the steady pump of his fingers inside me.

The ringing started again, and I saw Edward's phone lighting up on the bedside table. I fumbled with it, groaning when I saw Alice's name. I silenced the phone, but it quickly started ringing again.

"Hold on," I grumbled, trying and failing to sit up.

"Just turn it off," Edward grumbled, nipping at my thighs.

"What if it's important?" My rational side was in an intense battle with my sexually frustrated side.

More ringing made me growl myself and answer the phone quickly. "What, Alice?"

"Oh, Bella. Edward let you answer his phone? Jasper doesn't let me answer his. Probably because I did once and it was this guy who – "

"What do you want, Alice?" I grunted, trying unsuccessfully to get a reprieve from Edward's enthusiastic tongue and fingers.

"Esme is pissed Edward left. She didn't mention you, of course, but she took all of us to the library to reprimand us, like we could control Edward. I mean, maybe if she was nicer to you, Edward would stick around more, you know? Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you guys were okay. After what the girls said - "

"We're fine," I croaked, holding the phone away from me for a second so Alice didn't hear the moan Edward coaxed out of me at the most inopportune time.

"Okay, well, if you want to talk – "

"I'm fine, Alice. Thank you," I stuttered out, turning the phone off quickly and tossing it aside.

"That was mean," I grumbled, my toes curling when Edward doubled his efforts. He left me right on the edge of a release, crawling up my body slowly, leaving sloppy kisses along my abdomen and breasts before pressing the smallest kiss to the tip of my nose.

"You're the best thing to ever happen to me. You know that, right?" he whispered to me, his voice ragged but his eyes soft.

I relaxed underneath him, every ounce of stress or worry disappearing. I hugged him close, not wanting any space between us, my nails biting the skin of his back when he slowly entered me.

We were in our own perfect cocoon, wrapped beneath blankets and around each other. Edward's movements were slow but powerful and I let him consume me; mind, body, and soul. There was no room in our little sanctuary for worries or doubts or fears. For tonight, all we had to focus on was each other.

…**rep…**

Hours later, after a few toe-curling orgasms and a hot shower, I collapsed back in bed beside Edward. He had that goofy grin on his face that lasted a good hour or two after sex and I used the last bit of energy I had to lean up and kiss it before falling into my spot, nestled underneath the fluffy comforter and underneath his arm.

"Edward?" I asked sleepily.

"Hmm?"

"I always feel protected, you know. When you're around or Ben or whoever," I said quietly.

"Bella…"

"We don't need to talk about the issue now. I just… wanted you to know. And know that I appreciate it."

Tomorrow would be full of talking about our issues, but I didn't want him going to sleep thinking he failed. He responded, I think, but I was already asleep.

**A/N: Finally, huh? This is going to be a three part outtake, taking place after **_**reputation **_**and before **_**Dark Paradise.**_** Because each part is about 20k words, I figured it would make more sense to give them their own story. Part 2 will be up next week. Hope you all enjoy the ride! **

**I do want to let you know that there is the mention of threats in the next chapter. If you have certain triggers to any kind of threatening or bodily harm, you might want to skip the first section. It is **_**very**_** mild, but I didn't want to unintentionally sent anyone off. **

**Lyrics in the end of this chapter are from **_**Call It What You Want**_** by Taylor Swift. **


	2. When She Rose

_When she finally rose, she rose slowly_

_Avoiding old haunts and sidestepping shiny pennies_

_Wary of phone calls and promises, _

_Charmers, dandies and get-love-quick-schemes._

_~ Taylor Swift, __**Why She Disappeared (Poem)**_

**EPOV**

As with every other night the past few weeks, sleep didn't come easy. I got a restless few hours, thanks in large part to the comforting weight of Bella nestled beside me. As usual, I woke up in a mild panic with my mind filled with horrifying images of the threats being hurled at her.

It was nearing six in the morning when I knew more sleep wouldn't come. I carefully extracted myself from Bella's arms, unable to keep the smile off of my face when she pouted in her sleep.

I knelt beside the bed, watching her for a moment. With a light touch I traced the bridge of her nose, softly sweeping my thumb along her lips. It had been an emotional night, a stressful few weeks, but she was still here. Still mine. It shouldn't surprise me, considering the last few weeks, as stressful as they were, couldn't hold a candle to what we had been through in the past. I pressed a soft kiss to her forehead before pulling on a pair of sweatpants and an old college t-shirt and heading into my office.

I collapsed in my chair, scrubbing my hands over my face. The last twelve hours weren't at all what I was expecting. I thought I had been doing a good job at pretending everything was fine, that I was fine. Then, once Bella whispered that she missed me in the car I knew I had to come clean.

She saw right through me, of course. It took nearly three weeks, probably because she was just as overworked and tired as I was, but it wasn't long before she realized something was wrong.

It wasn't that I wanted to lie to her, I learned my lesson when I withheld information about Aro from her years ago. My lie this time was partially to protect myself, because admitting to my wife that I had failed her again felt like a knife to the gut. I would know, because I got one when I was twenty-two in a drug deal gone wrong.

Bella had seemed okay with ignoring the pressing issue for the night, but I knew she'd be in here in an hour or two with questions. She deserved answers, but I wasn't sure if I'd be able to give her all of the ones she wanted. Every day I had half of the city tracking that fucker down, and every day I got reports back that they lost him or he had skipped town or some other lazy fucking excuses.

I'd much rather answer questions about other topics I had conveniently avoided over the years. The women, the drugs, the job, I'd answer those in a heartbeat if I didn't have to deal with this shit. Maybe not so many questions about the job. I could see her face paling, eyes horrified if I ever told her about the knife to the gut.

I was still debating which topic made me look worse when a small _creak_ caught my attention.

"Hi," Bella whispered, slowly sitting in the chair across from my desk. She pulled at the sleeves of my button down from yesterday, one of her many nervous habits.

I took a deep breath, steeling myself for her crushing disappointment in me. "His name is Cory Burke. He's thirty-five and was dishonorably discharged from the Army seven years ago. From what we've gathered, he started his obsession with you around then. He's got online profiles dedicated to you, has backup after backup once we get them taken down."

I was well aware that there were more than a few overzealous fans of Bella out there. No one held a candle to this guy, though.

"The threats started about three, close to four weeks ago. You get them from time to time, but usually a quick check into the situation and its obvious it's not from someone who would follow through. That's not the case with these."

I didn't want to scare her, but I also didn't want to lie to her. It was a thin line, telling her what she wanted to know and keeping extraneous details to myself.

Looking over at her, I didn't expect the calm, calculating look on her face. She wasn't scared or worried, not mad or upset with me.

"What kind of threats?"

My body stiffened, images from my nightmare a few hours ago flooding my mind. "Disgusting, vile things I'm not going to repeat to you."

It was only there for a second, but there was a flash of fear on her face. Maybe she got over it quickly, or maybe she was trying to hide it from me. Either way, the sense of failure was there.

Because despite what Bella told me last night, I _had_ failed her. Quite frankly, she shouldn't feel safe at all right now. No one who really knew me would have ever made these kinds of threats toward Bella. This man was unstable, but capable, and it was a bad combination. With military training and access to the kinds of weapons we knew he had, it was a dangerous situation for everyone.

Bella was quiet, and I watched the emotions flitter across her face. Fear never came back, but there was confusion and anger, maybe at me or maybe at the man causing our problems.

I couldn't bring myself to give her the details. She didn't need to know we found an abandoned van parked outside of the gated community we lived in, filled with his fingerprints and enough supplies to kidnap an entire school. She didn't need to read the disgusting letters, detailing how he was going to kidnap, torture, and rape her. Those words would be burned in my mind for the rest of my life, but I wasn't going to do that to her.

"You don't have to worry about anything," I told her, hoping the conviction in my voice would soothe her. "I'll take care of it. _You_."

"I know you will. It's just… a lot to process."

I nodded, understanding the feeling all too well. It had been a lot for me to process, too. The first night I realized the threats were valid and a cause for concern, I spent four hours sitting at the foot of our bed watching Bella sleep. This was probably some form of karma that _I _deserved to suffer through, but not her. She was sweet and kind and had already been through hell. Deranged stalker didn't need to be added to her list of life events.

Before I could go on Emmett and Jasper walked in, both grumbling about the early hour on a Sunday. I eyed Bella quickly, glad to see the cotton shorts peeking out underneath my shirt she was wearing.

"Now that you know…" I mused, quickly thinking through my plan. I already had increased security around her, she just didn't know it. It wasn't as much as I wanted, though, because I didn't want her to find out something was wrong. "Emmett is going to be your primary security detail for the time being."

Not only did I trust Emmett with my life, with Bella's life, but he was a bulky fucker and intimidation went a long way.

"Edward…"

"Bella."

Emmett sat down beside Bella with a smirk, and Jasper on the couch off to the side.

"Emmett has more important things to do than follow me around all the time. And what about Ben and Eric?"

Eric had been moved off of her detail when we got back. He was a great strategist, and I needed his mind more than his manpower. "Ben will still be there, but so will Emmett. Myself or Jasper will fill in when necessary."

"But – "

"It would put my mind at ease if one of us were with you."

I could see the urge to fight back in her face, but after a few moments to herself she slunk back into the chair. "Okay. I have a wardrobe meeting at ten, and then –"

"Rehearsals from noon to six. I have your schedule memorized," Emmett said, smiling over at Bella. His inability to take anything too seriously would, hopefully, help Bella stay calm.

I walked around the desk, kneeling in front of Bella. She looked defeated and I didn't want that. "I'm not trying to be an overbearing asshole."

It wasn't hard for me to get there, because I constantly had to reign in my instincts to keep Bella overly protected, but that wasn't the issue here. There was a real threat.

"I know," she sighed, smiling down at me. It was a smile I didn't deserve, but I'd take it. "Maybe we'll get to see each other more this way, at least."

"I'll make sure of it." I had been stupid to think I could hide something like this from her, and that we'd be fine for it. We needed last night, and we needed to not go back to how things were before. It had been proved time and time again that we were better as a team.

"Do you have any more questions?"

"No, I… I don't think I want to know the specifics."

I breathed out a sigh of relief. "Okay."

Bella sighed, curling herself up in a tiny ball on the chair. "This happened once before, you know."

My eyes snapped up to her. "He's come after you before?"

"No! No, not him specifically. Just… this isn't my first stalker issue."

I leaned back against my desk, frowning down at her. "When was the last time?"

"I was seventeen… almost eighteen I think. I was on this press tour for the _Tainted_ movies, we were going to malls around the country… that's not important. Anyway, this guy kept following us city to city, leaving letters for me at the desk of my hotel, sometimes sliding them under my door. Really fucking creepy letters, too."

I felt my frown get deeper, wondering how I never knew about this. "What happened?"

"I was in Chicago, actually. The whole thing is the reason I was at that police benefit the night we met. But, the police in every city we were in had been told to look out for the guy, had flyers made and everything. I guess there was some anonymous tip and the cops caught him wandering through the halls of the hotel I was staying at."

"What was his name?" Emmett asked.

"Um," Bella sighed. "Nick Meyer I think."

"No fucking way," Jasper exclaimed, causing all of us to turn toward him. "You don't remember?" he asked, staring at me.

"Remember what?"

"You turned that fucker in. It was a few weeks after I met you. You did it because it got the cops off your back for the disappearance of –" he quieted when I glared at him. "Anyway, it always made me think you weren't as big of a jackass as everyone thought. You know, saving the girl that was probably about to get murdered by her stalker."

My memory of the incident was patchy. It was a phase in my life where I was high most of the time, but I did have a vague recollection of what he was talking about. I had spent a few hours in the police station that morning, getting questioned about a missing guy that I definitely didn't toss in a river outside of town a week before. I saw the notices on everyone's desk, and I was always looking for ways to one-up the cops.

Luck had been on my side when he ended up in the elevator with me when I was on my way to a party at a hotel downtown. A few quick calls and I was no longer a person of interest.

"Well, if that isn't the sweetest shit I've ever heard I don't know what is," Emmett exclaimed. "Man, if you two had met then things would've been –"

"Illegal, for one thing," Bella said, smirking up at me. "I was seventeen."

I eyed Bella across from me, wondering what would have happened if I had seen her then. Odds were I would have ignored her. I used to have a thing for blondes and, thankfully, wasn't the kind of scum that would fool around with someone underage.

But, the realization that I had somehow, inadvertently helped her before I even knew her made me more confident about this situation now.

"Well," I sighed, holding out a hand for Bella. She stood quickly, grabbing it and letting herself fall into my arms. "I guess you really were meant to be mine."

Bella smiled up at me, the kind of smile that made my chest hurt, and pressed a kiss to my cheek. "I guess so."

…**rep…**

"This is unacceptable," I sighed, leaning over the metal barricade. It was stable enough when it was just me, but when hundreds of people were pushing their way toward it, it was a different story.

"It's standard use at shows like this. Perfectly stable against the weight expected," Ben replied.

I knew the statistics, but there were always outliers. Bella had proven to me time and time again she always went against the odds, and I needed to account for every possible outcome when my wife was going to be surrounded by sixty thousand strangers a night.

When that fucker went into hiding a few weeks ago, he went deep. A few days after I told Bella about our issue we very nearly got him. I caused the city quite a bit in damage after a few of my guys got into a small car chase, but that was their problem. He was hiding, physically, but still sending those fucking letters every few days so I knew this wasn't going to be done until I had my hands around his neck.

Now, I had to sit here and watch as Bella rehearsed walking through a goddamn crowd of thousands. With only this flimsy barricade between her and them.

"It's not flimsy," Bella sighed, coming up from behind me.

I turned to her, ready to argue, but stopped short when I got a glimpse of her. Today had been the first time she actually got to see her stage completely put together, and the smile on her face was infectious. She had cut off all circulation to my arm when I walked her in this morning, nails digging through my shirt until I got her situated front and center.

She was like a little kid on Christmas morning, pointing everything out, demonstrating all of the things she had insisted on. The stages, the lights, the carriers… it all had Bella written all over it.

_"It's a twelve-column video wall, and it splits in to forty-eight screens. Oh! And the stage is like… a thousand video tiles. Then the gondolas, one is going to be all pretty and sparkly then the other is a snake skeleton, because, you know."_

One thing that I had realized about Bella early on was that she was an entertainer, through and through. She loved her art, whether it was acting or writing or performing. And she did it for herself as much as those around her. She was a people pleaser, and it was simultaneously endearing and dangerous. Because I knew she would work herself too hard given the opportunity. It was something I was going to have to keep a close eye on.

"It's not good enough."

"It is. You're just being picky."

Bella had been completely amenable to all of my requests. She put up with Emmett, Jasper or I being with her at nearly all times, which was a lot for a girl who valued her alone time as much as she did. She would patiently smile at me and wait until I got the car or made sure wherever we were going was safe and secure before I let her in.

Then, I showed up a few weeks ago to implement some new security improvements for her show, the first being no walking through the crowd. Her show was evidently where she drew the line at my interference. Her stubbornness was frustrating but admirable, because I knew how long this had been in her head. I saw sketches of the stage two years ago on the island. I could respect her work ethic and her need to stick up for what she wanted, but it still aggravated me.

This was the first time I saw the rickety barricade walk for myself, and I wasn't happy. "What do I have to do in order for you to change your mind?"

"Edward – "

"I'm a wealthy man, Bella. I'm not above bribery. Or the use of sexual favors, if that's what you're looking for."

Her eyes widened and she choked on her water, eyes darting around to see if anyone heard me. It only took her a moment to recover.

"I'm not budging, Edward. What are you even doing back? I thought Emmett was taking me home."

"He is. Something came up and I'm going to be out of town for a couple days. Out of cell service too." I kept my face neutral, hoping she didn't want to know any details.

"What – never mind. Come here," she said softly, grabbing my hand and leading me around the stage to a secluded corner. On instinct, my arms wrapped around her waist as soon as she pressed me against the wall.

Things between us were, thankfully, back to normal after our small rough patch. I smiled into our kiss, not hesitating to let my hands fall from her waist to her ass. Soft snickering caught my attention and I looked around Bella, noticing a shirtless man walking past us.

"Sorry, boss," he giggled, walking along until we were alone again.

My possessiveness when it came to Bella was surprisingly fine with the male dancers she had hired for her show. They were all a hell of a lot more respectful of her than most men I saw around her. Of course, it helped that a handful of them were also gay.

"When will you be back?" Bella asked, her fingers tugging at the hair at the base of my neck and making me never want to leave.

"A day, two at the most. It won't be long."

"You'll be careful?"

"Of course."

Bella sighed. "Okay. I'll see you… whenever you get back."

I pressed a quick kiss to the tip of her nose. "Jasper will be staying in the guest bedroom on the first floor while I'm gone," I admitted quickly, fully expecting the simultaneous head and eyeroll.

"Edward – "

"I love you," I told her, kissing her cheek and heading out. Did it make me an asshole for not letting her fight me on the subject? Probably. Bella had tolerated a lot of shit lately. I had started making sure I was home most nights, not wanting her in the house alone. Ben was always close, but I wouldn't have been able to focus if I knew she was alone, and this was something that needed my full focus.

**...rep…**

Derek West was a paranoid fucker. Coming from me, that was saying something. He was a hitman, one of the best in the business, but getting a face to face was a big fucking ordeal. He never gave out an address, never stayed in one place long enough to have one probably. I had to go to the middle of nowhere Wisconsin to get directions to go to the middle of nowhere Minnesota. And damn if there weren't a thousand other places I'd rather be than fucking Minnesota.

Nevertheless, I pulled up to a surprisingly nice cabin and walked to the door. I was sure there was more than one weapon aimed at me, and noticed the camera above the door immediately.

"After the wild fucking goose chase you sent me on, the least you could do is open the damn door."

A moment later the lock clicked and the door opened slowly. He looked much the same as the last time I saw him, though a face to face was rare. I didn't have the time or patience to track the guy down.

His hair was dark and damp, the scar across his left cheek clear as day. He was a simple guy, so his torn jeans and white t-shirt weren't surprising.

Based on his stance I knew there was a weapon pointed at me from behind the door. So, I carefully pulled my own out and set it on the small, rusty table situated on the porch beside me. A peace offering, because even I wasn't stupid enough to test West.

He opened the door fully, dropping his weapon on a chair behind him. "I hear you've got a job for me?"

We sat in a small kitchen at a table for four. I pulled out the file I had on Burke. "Cory Burke. Former military – "

"No, man. I don't go after my own guys," West interrupted, pushing the file away from him.

I carefully pushed it back toward him. "Dishonorably discharged for sexually assaulting a minor."

I respected most men and women in uniform that didn't have a grudge against my family. I didn't blame West for his initial reaction, considering he was former military himself. This guy didn't deserve his respect, though.

"That why you want him?"

"No. He's stalking my wife."

West raised his brows. "And you can't get him yourself?"

His attempt at hitting me while I was down worked. Because I _should_ have been able to get him myself. "Like I said, he's former military. He's good at hiding."

"What's your offer?"

"Whatever you want."

His eyes widened, which wasn't surprising. I simply didn't have the desire to haggle. If he got the guy, I'd pay him whatever the fuck he wanted.

"Ten mil."

"Fine. You get him and it's yours."

…**rep…**

Perhaps karma _was_ real and that was the reason the moment after I hired a hitman, everything went to shit. If that was the case, I had a lot of bad fucking karma to make up for.

It seemed like the minute I landed back in Chicago, every goddamn person I did business with wanted a face to face meeting. Half hoped I was a fake and that I was really still dead, and the other half tried to make up for shit they had done or said in my absence. All equally frustrating, and nearly every fucking one out of town.

Things on Bella's end were even worse, though. All hell broke loose for her after I got back, too. A collection of unreleased music of hers inexplicably leaked online. Then, a few hours later, emails between a few men at her label leaked. Each one more insulting than the last.

_Just talked to Clark. Cullen is about to try to make a comeback and he gave her the go ahead. Someone needs to get him to start thinking with his head instead of his dick._

_ We can't drop her. She's a bitch to work with, but she brings in too much on the bottom line._

_ Did Clark tell you Cullen's plan for the next album? No promotion. No interviews. Nothing. Thinks she can get away with half-assing everything just because she married money._

_Erikson just told me about an unreleased Cullen project. Listened to it and I think we could make it work in our favor._

_ Spin it to make it look like she's with Clark. An affair with him would make her more likeable than her preaching this happily ever after with the mob guy, even if she's cheating on her husband to do it._

_ What the hell. Let's do it. We own the bitch._

Not all of the emails were about her, of course. The assholes had something to say about everyone, throwing insults at practically every artist on their roster. Most of which were too scared to reply, no matter how racist or homophobic the people they were working for were.

Bella, however, wasn't so easily intimidated. Which led to her having spent nearly the entire last month in Los Angeles. Her rehearsals got moved there so she could keep up with that as well as the other balls she suddenly had in the air.

It wasn't as though I would have gotten to see her much over the last month, anyway. I had to travel all over the damn country to mend fences. I had suppliers on the east coast that thought the whole thing was a scam, that I was some imposter who wasn't to be trusted. I had a team of contractors that I used when necessary down south that thought they could ignore me after coming back.

It was one thing after another and I realized that while I had been back to work for months, I was holding back. Years on the island, only giving Emmett advice on how to handle situations in my absence, left me rusty. I let Burke distract me from other issues, like solidifying myself back into normal life. This kind of life wasn't an easy thing to just jump back in to.

Trying to get back in to it was a good distraction while Bella was gone. Tonight, though, I got to see the entire culmination of her work and I was damn proud of my wife.

I was no stranger to public relations nightmares; I knew there were people trained to repair the image of a company or CEO, understood there was a science to handling a public image. In Bella's business, the entire concept was magnified tenfold.

The day after everything leaked, she spent the entire afternoon pacing her office. Every time I went in to check on her there was a new pile of crumpled up pieces of paper by the trash can. But, around midnight, she crawled in to bed with a small smile on her face, mumbling something about finally having a plan.

In my line of business, if someone stepped out of line, I put a bullet between their eyes. In Bella's, she spent a month planning and plotting and waiting for the right moment to set the story straight. A story she very bluntly and honestly talked about in an interview that aired tonight.

_"When I decided I wanted to do a sort of… finale to my trilogy of theatrical albums, I knew I had a few different directions I could go. At the time when I started writing and planning, it was years after my trial. And, to be completely honest, I was over it. I am over it._

_ "I spent a long time tearing myself up over the entire situation, but at some point, you just have to move on. And I did. So, the first thing I wrote, probably two years after my release, was a collection of songs about one of the only people that didn't abandon me during the worst time in my life._

_"I realized I could release an album about falling in love and being happy in spite of my world falling apart, but then I would have been labeled an insensitive bitch."_

Everything I did was calculated. Every move I made, every meeting, every sale, it was all part of a bigger picture, a broader plan. Maybe I never thought about it closely enough, but I never realized how well thought out Bella's career was until she explained her process of choosing _reputation_ over the leak.

_"With _reputation_, there are songs about being happy and finding peace, but there is a definite undertone of desperation and longing and impending doom on most of it. People don't want to see the good, happy, normal side of my life. They wanted the darkness and so I made _reputation_ carefully, only vaguely showing the light at the end of the tunnel."_

_ "Why not show more of the light?"_

_ "Because I realized I want to keep it all to myself. Most of those songs that got leaked… I wrote them while I was on a private island with my husband after he had just pieced me back together, and I realized I didn't owe the world that kind of insight into my life anymore."_

It had been an adjustment, getting used to Bella writing about our relationship. Over time I had grown to love it, though. It was just another way to claim each other as our own. I had no problem with people knowing me as the man Bella wrote her songs about, because I was the lucky bastard that got to call her mine.

I was also the bastard that knew not to get on my wife's bad side.

_"Men in suits tend to think they know better than pretty much everyone, especially women. The men from my label didn't like the way I was handling my own career, but it wasn't their business to begin with. They had nothing to do with me or my contract with the label, they're just a couple of executives that thought they knew better than me._

"_I _might_ have let it all go if they didn't try to twist my words. Getting magazines to print stories about how the songs were about an affair with Peter Clark instead of my husband just… really pissed me off."_

_ "You're about to turn the tables on them though, from what I hear."_

_ "Yes. By the time this interview is airing, _Lover, _all fourteen leaked songs plus two I added this past month, will be available on all streaming services. Plus, they're the finished versions. Not the crappy demos that got leaked. That would have driven me crazy for the rest of my life."_

Bella's sexy little smirk when she talked about the two late additions made me count the hours until she was home. There was nothing she loved more than getting the last word, and that was exactly what she had done now. Maybe she didn't love that the public had her most personal songs, but she adapted to the situation and took control of it in her own way.

My phone ringing brought me out of my thoughts. I grabbed it from the nightstand, smiling when I answered and the screen showed me Bella, wearing an old shirt of mine and braiding her hair. "Hello."

"Hi," she sighed, exhaustion evident in her voice. She spent the night at an award show, the first she had gone to in years, finishing off her month in Los Angeles and premiering the video she shot to remind people that while _Lover_ was out, she was still in the _reputation_ mind set.

The video, for _Look What You Made Me Do,_ was one big fuck you to everyone who fucked her over in the past and I had to say it was one of my favorite things she had ever done.

"Everything okay?" I asked her as she carried the phone with her to her bed.

"Yes," she sighed, a hint of frustration in her voice. "I can't want to be home."

"Did everything go okay tonight?" From my perspective, it seemed like a success. The interview was well received, she looked good enough for me to have to take a cold shower after she walked the red carpet, and she left with a handful of awards for an album people said was going to flop.

"It was fine. It's just… this is exactly what I didn't want to have to do again. Those assholes… they got exactly what they wanted."

"No, they didn't. You're the one reaping the benefits of it now, not them." They were currently unemployed and blacklisted from every record label in the business. I had offered to take care of them myself, but Bella made me promise to stay out of it.

"I know. I just… feel like I fell for it. Maybe I should have just let it go in the first place," she mumbled, tugging at the small strands of hair at the end of her braid.

"You're not the type to let someone fuck you over and get away with it."

She rolled her eyes, scowling at me through the phone. "Stubbornness and a need for revenge aren't really great personality traits, Edward."

"They are to me," I told her, combating her frown with a smirk. I loved the side of her that didn't back down from a fight. "You stood up for yourself. It's a good thing, Bella."

"Yeah. I think I'm over the whole Hollywood thing, though."

"Over it?"

"The heavy promotion, the interviews, it all just reminded me why I wasn't doing them again in the first place. I haven't gotten more than four hours of sleep a night for a month," she said with a timely yawn.

"Fuck. Get to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."

"I have to film a couple tour promo ads tomorrow afternoon. I'll probably have to meet you at the party."

I groaned. Tomorrow night Esme was having a birthday dinner. It sounded simple enough, but when she rented out the most expensive restaurant in the city and invited anyone who would make herself look good, it was quite the ordeal.

"Or, you can meet me at home and I'll spend the night making you forget the last month."

I was an honest man, had no problem telling people the truth even when it was unpleasant. And the truth for me now was that my hand didn't cut it when I knew my wife could make things _much_ more enjoyable. We had handled longer separations, but that never made it any easier.

By the look of longing I got after my suggestion, I wasn't the only desperate one.

"We can't not go. Your mother doesn't need another reason to hate me," Bella sighed, looking as disappointed as I felt. "But, you know, maybe an hour or so in I'll get sick or something. You never know."

"Damn, I miss you," I admitted. I went years without seeing a majority of my family and I never felt the same longing. Maybe that was another strike against me, not caring as much for my blood as I did for her, but I was already going to hell so what did it really matter.

"I miss you, too," she said with my favorite, soft smile. "Although Emmett has proven to be very talkative about you in your absence."

I frowned, knowing Emmett knew too damn much about me. "What has Emmett been telling you?"

"It'll work out in your favor, I promise."

…**rep…**

Events like this had been the bane of my existence ever since I was twelve. That was the age my parents started stuffing me in suits and telling me to be on my best behavior shaking the hands of men twice my age working for my father. It was fine when I was solidifying my place, proving myself as Carlisle's next in line and making relationships necessary for my work, but I didn't need any of that now.

Carlisle ran the family based solely on our reputation. He didn't make any moves to further us at all. Quite the opposite really, as he tried to give our entire fucking legacy to Aro Volturi. I did things differently, and sitting through dinners and functions, making small talk and pretending to like everyone, that wasn't my idea of a successful empire.

On top of my lack of desire to be around any of the people on the guestlist tonight, I had no need to sit at a dinner table and fawn over my mother because it was her birthday. She hadn't been a mother to me in years, decades probably, so I didn't see the point.

To make matters worse, it had been storming all day which meant Bella had been delayed about five times when trying to depart and land in the area. So, for now, I was stuck at this Godforsaken party alone, and the company Esme kept was questionable at best.

At first glance around the room I could pick out five women she had tried to set me up with in the past, two of which were after Bella and I were engaged.

The restaurant was large and formal, half set up for the socializing portion of the evening and half for the formal dinner later. Both of which sounded like fucking torture. I heard my name called in an unfamiliar, nasally voice. I attempted to keep walking, toward anywhere this woman wasn't, but then a hand covered in long, plastic red nails wrapped around my arm.

"Edward," the blonde giggled. "Come talk to me."

I didn't even get the chance to tell her to fuck off.

"We really do need to catch up. It's been so long since you've been out, even longer since you seemed like yourself," she sighed dramatically_._ Her snide comment didn't take long to decipher. All of these people would rather I be the unstable, drug addict I was before. "Do you remember that gala years ago, the one for a hurricane or tsunami or something? We went to the balcony and – "

"Hello," a voice, warm and familiar, sounded to my left a second before an arm wrapped itself around my bicep. "Sorry I'm late," she said, reaching up to press her lips to my cheek.

I smirked down at her, thankful for her perfect timing.

"Sorry for interrupting," Bella told the woman across from us. I felt her hand twist slightly on my arm, realizing as I looked down that she was making sure her wedding rings were on full display. "You are?"

"Oh, Kaitlin Morris. An old friend of Edward's," she replied, the innuendo in her voice would have been obvious to a five-year-old.

"You'll have to excuse us, Katherine," I interrupted, purposefully using the wrong name and pulling Bella with me to a secluded corner.

"Bitch," I heard Bella mutter to herself as we walked away.

"I –"

"Bella! Come tell us about how everything went!" Alice shouted from across the restaurant, sitting at a table with Rosalie and a few others.

Sympathetic brown eyes looked up at me. "One hour then I'm yours for the taking," she whispered, wrapping her arms around my neck and leaving me with a kiss that made me want to tear my own hair out in frustration.

I watched her walk away, noticing her outfit for the first time. A goddamn leather skirt that hugged every curve she had, and a black top that stopped about twelve inches too short, right under her chest. _The woman was trying to kill me._

Emmett caught my eye, but he was deep in conversation with his wife. I wanted to talk to him, get a summary of everything that happened while he was in Los Angeles with Bella, but I had kept him away from his family for a month.

My hesitation cost me, though, because before I could make up my mind I was surrounded by Carlisle and a few of his business partners suddenly discussing one of their failing endeavors.

I paid only enough attention to be able to respond when asked a question. Otherwise, my eyes were on the brunette across the room. I watched the curls of her hair sway when she moved, longed to touch the sliver of skin on her abdomen that was peeking out, wanted more than two minutes alone with her before being interrupted again.

"So, what do you say, Edward?" Carlisle asked exuberantly. The hand he playfully clapped on my shoulder felt like it should be around my neck.

"No."

"No?" his friend, whose name I didn't care enough to remember, asked.

"No. I choose the businesses and people I loan money to very carefully. I'm not going to drop seven figures for someone I've known for twenty minutes."

If it was actually important to Carlisle, if he really cared about the man, he would loan him the money himself. He was a selfish man, though, and only wanted to be the one making the money. His businesses were different than mine. I understood and enjoyed playing with the concept of spending money to make it while Carlisle was the asshole screaming at his employees because of one bad quarter.

"Excuse me," I said with a nod to the rest of the group. After a quick stop at the bar for another whisky and an ice water, I dropped the water in front of Bella. I ignored the women around her, gently pushing her hair behind her ear. "Forty-two minutes."

"Well, if it isn't Edward fuckin' Cullen, back from the dead," a man shouted, obviously already drunk, at me as I was walking past one of the high-top tables. His name was Steven Abram. He owned a fairly successful pharmaceutical sales company, but also enjoyed some more illicit pharmaceuticals, as well.

I recognized most of the faces surrounding me. Roy Brennen, Nolan James, Mark Fisher… all people I had no interest in talking to. The fact that these were the people my mother thought fit for her birthday celebration confused the hell out of me. She chose to be surrounded by people she barely knew as opposed to her family, and had for a long time. It shouldn't have been surprising, especially since I had yet to see her talk to any blood relative since I had arrived.

I answered their questions about my supposed death, the same questions I had gotten non-stop for the past four and a half months since returning to Chicago. I played my part. I didn't complain, I nodded when necessary and acted as pleasant as possible because every time Bella caught my eye she did one of three things; blush, smirk, or lick her lips.

This time when she caught my eye she got up from her table and walked over. "Hello," she said softly, aligning herself perfectly beside me.

Bella shook the outstretched hands one by one, and each disgusting smirk on their faces made my hand tighten around my drink. Maybe it was the fact that I hadn't seen her for a month, or the fact that I was still getting used to having to share her time with others after years on the island. Could have been the fact that I had to read threatening letters directed to her more often than not these days. All I knew was that I wanted Bella as far away from these men as possible, no matter how irrational my jealousy was.

"Lovely to meet you, Bella," Roy said, his eyes nowhere near hers.

"Isabella," I corrected him harshly.

"Sorry. _Isabella_. I actually do some consultant work for Soldier Field. I'm surprised you agreed to that charity show coming up, considering how your tickets are selling."

I had to hand it to the man; he had balls to insult not only Bella to her face, but to do it in front of me.

"It's a new way of selling tickets; making sure less scalpers get their hands on them. I don't care about selling out a place in two minutes if all of the tickets are going to someone else so they can scam actual fans into paying five times the price," Bella said politely. "You might want to hire a consultant for your consulting jobs if you couldn't figure that one out yourself."

Bella leaned up, pressing her lips behind my ear, whispering, "Twenty minutes," before sauntering off.

"Feisty," Mark said, staring at Bella as she left. "You're not in to sharing at all, are you?"  
It was all a blur, mostly. I heard the shocked screams and the grunts of pain from Mark, but all I cared about was the satisfying snap of his nose when my fist connected with it. The thud as he fell to his knees was closely followed with my knee connecting with his chin, sending him falling on his back.

I felt a couple hands pulling me back and went without a fight. There were mutterings everywhere now, a crowd surrounding the pig that thought I would share my wife with him. I shook my hand out, not caring about the sting as Emmett and Jasper led me out of the restaurant.

"What the fuck, man?" Jasper asked, nearly shouted over the sound of water rushing down the street. The rain had stopped for now, but the ominous thunder hinted the storm wasn't over.

Before I could answer the door opened beside us, Bella walking out slowly. I watched her closely, noticing how she looked from Emmett to Jasper before settling on me.

"Carlisle and Esme are going to be pissed if you leave," Jasper warned, eying both of us.

"Carlisle and Esme need to understand they're not in charge anymore," I spat out. "That wasn't a birthday party. It was a forced business gathering. You two should jump ship, too."

I grabbed Bella's hand, pulling her with me down the street and hoping the rain would hold off the few blocks we could walk to the penthouse. It was always fully furnished, always had clothes and necessities we would need for any kind of stay, but I hadn't been there since I spent months alone while Bella was in jail.

Bella was quiet as we walked, but I knew she had questions. She always did. I looked down and caught sight of a a slight shiver run through her. I dropped her hand quickly and let my suit coat fall from my arms, draping it over her shoulders. It was late April but there was still a definite chill in the air.

We made it inside a minute before another round of rain started. We were both quite in the elevator and I focused on Bella's reflection, her small frame swallowed by my coat, instead of thinking about any of the hundred other things I should be worried about.

Once inside the penthouse, Bella didn't waste any time before asking questions. Grabbing my hand, she kept me beside her in the entryway, waiting for an answer.

"Why'd you punch him?"

We had barely been able to say two words to each other since she got back in town, and our first conversation had to be about that fucker. "Because I don't appreciate when men ask me if they can fuck my wife."

Bella sighed, wrapping her arms around my neck and gently pushing until my back hit the wall. Thanks to her heels, she was only a few inches shorter than me for now, which gave her free reign to kiss along my jaw, neck, everywhere she could reach. Effectively wiping my mind from every stressor that led to my snapping earlier.

"Did you ever get in to fights over other girls?" she asked. "Would you have cared if someone said it about any of your other girlfriends?"

I rarely bothered to think about my past with women once I had Bella. Some men might have thought back with a longing for the bachelor lifestyle, but I couldn't have cared less about losing it. Just like I couldn't have cared less about the women before Bella.

"No."

I wasn't expecting Bella's answering cocky smirk. "Just me?"

"Always you, Bella."

My first thought was that she was going to be pissed about the fight. Now, with her hands knotted in my hair and tongue massaging my own, I knew she was letting herself enjoy it. The side of her that was drawn to her darker instincts.

As good and pure and kind as Bella was, she was also the woman who became mine knowing what I did for a living. She had a dark side, a side I wasn't sure she really understood or accepted, but I sure as hell did.

I distracted her with a sharp bite to her bottom lip, turning the tables and pressing her back into the wall. With a firm grip on her hips I pressed my hardened length against her.

"Wait," she panted. "I had a surprise for you."

"You can give it to me later," I mumbled, my hands finding their way under the too-small top she had on.

"You'll like it, I promise."

I wanted to tell her I'd also like her naked in bed, but kept my mouth shut when she snuck out of my grasp and pulled me toward the living room. There was no obvious surprise, and my confusion was doubled when she pulled a plain, wooden chair from the dining room and sat it in front of the wall of windows.

"Sit," Bella instructed, pointing at the chair.

"Excuse me?" I asked, slightly out of breath.

She sighed. "Just go along with it, okay? Sit and I'll be back in two minutes."

I sat down begrudgingly, watching the rain beat against the window so hard it was nearly impossible to see the city below us. I may have been petulant enough to start counting the second Bella left, deciding to go after her in exactly a hundred twenty seconds.

Her heels started clicking down the stairs at ninety-nine.

Bella stopped behind me, hands on my shoulders, sliding down my chest as she leaned over me. "Do you remember what I said last night? About Emmett?"

"Being a snitch?" I asked with a frown. "Yes, I remember."

Her fingers confidently unbuttoned the top third of my shirt, warm hands meeting my skin. "He told me about how often you used to visit your… live performance establishments."

As soon as I connected _live performance establishment_ to _strip club_ I started fantasizing about every way I could make Emmett suffer.

"After a few minutes of hating every other woman that ever touched you," Bella whispered against my neck. "I started realizing that if I couldn't be your first at, well, anything, I at least got to be your last. The last woman you kissed, touched… But, as of now, some other girl has the title of being the last one to give you a lap dance."

I swallowed thickly as Bella walked around me, standing between my legs wearing nothing more than a few scraps of black lace. She leaned forward, hands on my thighs, giving me no choice but to focus on the way the lace wrapped effortlessly around her breasts. The sting of her teeth on my bottom lip snapped me out of my haze. The storm raged outside behind her as she slowly turned around, sitting herself in my lap.

My hands went to her hips instinctively, squeezing when she started slowly grinding herself against me.

"Bella, you don't…" My voice disappeared when she put her hands on my legs for leverage, pushing against me and giving me the most spectacular view of her ass.

She turned around, draping her legs across me and leaving her breasts perfectly level with my eyes. With a tug to the back of my head my eyes met hers.

"When Emmett started talking about you… thinking of you sitting there while someone else… I very nearly got on a plane to come home that night." Talking didn't slow her down, her body moving like the most sensual wave over me as she spoke. "As much as I'm yours to protect against pigs that tell you they want to fuck me… you're mine to defend against bitches that think they still have a chance with you because of one night ten years ago."

Her lips came down on mine, the kiss messy and passionate enough to get me to stop fighting. It had been a shitty night on top of a shitty month and I would be a goddamn idiot to stop my wife from spending some time grinding herself against my cock.

Bella broke our kiss, turning back around and pressing her ass against me. I trailed my hands up the smooth skin of her thighs, gave her ass the appreciation it deserved with a soft smack, and glided up her abdomen until I had the satisfying weight of her breasts in my palms.

"Turn around," I hissed, pulling her back down quickly when she stood to turn.

My hands went straight back to her breasts, massaging until I felt both of her nipples start to constrict through the lace. I pulled her closer, both hands moving to her ass, taking control of her rhythm. I kissed her supple cleavage, flattening my tongue against her nipple and enjoying the shocked gasp from above me.

I got a firm grip on her hips and stood, keeping my lips attached to her skin, whether it be the swell of her breast or her neck, and walking us upstairs. Tossing her in the middle of the bed, I smiled as she squirmed under my gaze.

The woman was an enigma. She could tell me she wanted to give me a lap dance and then blush when I looked at her a half hour later. I pulled off her heels, pulling her by the ankle until her legs hung off the edge of the bed.

"Bella?" I asked, sliding the black lace down her legs.

"Hm?"

"Best goddamn lap dance I've ever gotten," I told her, kneeling beside the bed, nipping at her inner thigh.

I pressed a soft kiss to her clit, moaning at the sting of her harsh tug at my hair.

"Edward."

I sat back, running my fingers along her, barely touching but enjoying every second of having her at my fingertips.

"Edward."

Sliding two fingers in easily, I groaned at the wetness that surrounded me.

"Edward, it's been thirty-six days since you've been inside me and I can't wait any longer," she groaned, her hips squirming under my touch.

My shirt slid off my shoulders quickly and I watched with a smirk as Bella tossed her bra aside, watching me undo my belt at the same time. I pulled her closer, my hands on her thighs.

"Please, please, please," she mumbled, her hand going to my cock as soon as it was free and lining it up at her entrance.

Her back arched as soon as I slid inside. I groaned, squeezing her thighs too hard but unable to focus on anything but the woman below me.

"Hold on," I grunted through clenched teeth.

Bella's hands grasped at the comforter, her knuckles white and her eyes squeezed shut. I steadied my grip and pulled out slowly before slamming back inside, earning a satisfying yelp from Bella.

It was fucking, plain and simple; there was no romance and no more teasing. I kept my arms secured around Bella's thighs, keeping her in place after every thrust.

"Oh, my God," Bella mumbled, her entire body starting to tense around me a moment before I felt her come.

I slowed my movements, let her come down from her high, before gently swatting her ass. "Scoot up," I told her, nodding to the head of the bed.

Bella scrambled up and I followed, collapsing on the bed beside her. Before I could say anything she crawled in my lap, doing exactly what I was four seconds from asking her to do and sliding herself back down on my cock.

I watched through hooded eyes as she rode me, every inch of her on display for me and me alone. No one else got to see the way the tattoo on her side curved and moved with each grind of her hips, and no one else got to hear the satisfying way a squeak turned into a moan when I would reach up and tug at her nipples.

Bella leaned over me, panting into a kiss.

"Fucking beautiful," I groaned, taking advantage of her moment of weakness and smoothly flipping her onto her back. Her legs locked around my waist, nails digging into my back as I took over.

"I love you," she panted, her forehead pressed to mine and her eyes dark and wild.

"Fuck, I love you," I groaned, letting go of everything when I felt her walls flutter around me a second time.

I collapsed against her, not even conscious enough to keep most of my weight off of her. Once I had regained my ability to form a coherent thought, I moved to lie down beside her.

"No," she groaned, arms tightening around me.

"I'm crushing you." I collapsed back in bed, taking Bella with me. Her weight on top of me was comforting, the sound of her panting against my neck somehow easing every fear that had been haunting me lately.

Just having her back, having her by my side the last hour made me feel calmer than I had in a month or two. Hell, it seemed like I was constantly waiting for the next shitstorm from the second we got back to Chicago. It was still an adjustment, being back to real life. But it was a hell of a lot easier of an adjustment when I knew she was here, with me.

"Hey," Bella whispered against my neck.

"Hey."

Bella leaned up, hands steadying herself on my chest, smirking down at me. "I realized something while I was gone."

"And what was that?"

"I did it."

My body tensed underneath her, recognizing the exact phrase from years ago on the island.

"I'm not talking about… _that_. I mean, I fucking did it," she said, a cocky smirk on her face. "My entire life there has been someone telling me I can't do this or that, that every one of my decisions is crap or that I was thinking too big. But… this is it."

I frowned up at her, still a little lost.

"_reputation_ is exactly what I wanted to make. I love the other songs I wrote but _reputation_ is what I needed. And I made it happen. I wrote the songs, I made the movie, I planned the tour so… fuck everyone else."

I smiled. "Fuck everyone else, huh?"

"Yeah. That's my new motto. A lot of people think actors or entertainers are just puppets, and I was headed in that direction for a while, but I ended up here. I started out in the middle of nowhere Washington and ended up with Oscars and Grammys and this tour that I'm going to make the biggest thing I've ever done on my own. And I ended up here, with you. That's the most important part."

She smiled down at me, her eyes bright and alive. A memory flashed through my mind of her smirking over at me from that benefit so long ago. One look at her then and I knew she was lost and confused and tired. She still had her moments of doubt, but she was strong and confident and unapologetically herself now. "I'm really fucking proud of you, you know."

"I'm really fucking proud of you, too." Bella smiled softly when I looked at her incredulously. "Your job isn't easy, Edward. You've accomplished a lot, and your parents weren't all that helpful in getting you there."

I thought about what she said, and I supposed she was right. I was proud of what I had done since taking over the family, but I didn't have long last time before I left. Now was my chance to really change things.

"You might not be the most upstanding citizen in the world," Bella admitted with a smirk, her hands resting on my chest. "But you're so good."

When I tried to interrupt, she leaned down to press a quick kiss to my lips. "You are. You're good to me. You've never once blamed me for how invasive my job can be or gotten mad that I write about our lives.

"And you care, Edward. I've only known Carlisle for a few years, but it's pretty obvious he didn't care about his family the way you do. I mean, Emmett told me you have three of your guys ready to become teachers at Alec's preschool to keep an eye on him and two guys working at Maggie and Jared's school already.

"You and Alice aren't as close as you could be, but you still have this cute relationship where you'll ruffle her hair just to mess with her and bicker in a way only siblings can.

"Anyway," she said, seeming to get herself back on track. "We both kind of got lost and distracted and stressed when we got back but things are good. We're here and alive and doing what we want to do and shouldn't let anyone get in the way of us enjoying that."

I stared up at her, my eyes wide and mind going a mile a minute. There were about twenty revelations to unpack in her little speech. "That was quite the enlightening trip," I told her, still a little shell shocked.

Bella sighed. "Yeah. It was kind of like a decade of therapy just smacked me in the face."

Everything she said made sense. We both tended to work too much and then stress ourselves out. I could argue each of her points, tell her I wasn't as good as she seemed to think I was, or that there were extremely valid reasons for us to both be overly stressed right now. But, I also knew that the stressors were temporary. I would get rid of Burke and I would make sure Carlisle and Esme knew they were no longer the heads of the Cullen family that they seemed to think they still were. With them out of the way, the city was mine.

My face must have given me away. "See? Once you think about it… everything falls in to place," Bella said, smiling down at me. "Now, come shower with me."

She gave me a quick, hard kiss before leaving me in bed. I watched her walk to the ensuite, not a stitch of clothing on and her hips swaying with every step.

She was fucking right. I had it all. There were problems that would be fixed in time, but there would always be problems. And, right now, all I had to focus on was my very astute wife waiting for me in the shower.

**A/N: If you follow me on twitter you'll know that I decided to break up my absurdly long 3 chapters. So, we'll have 5 chapters total. Hope that makes it easier/more enjoyable for you guys! Next update should be Friday - continuation of this EPOV.  
**

**The leaked songs in this chapter are, of course, from the album **_**Lover**_** by Taylor Swift. In my mind I excluded some from this Bella's version, so here's her tracklist if anyone is interested! **_**I Forgot That You Existed, Cruel Summer, I Think He Knows, Paper Rings, Lover, The Man, You Need To Calm Down, Afterglow, Death By A Thousand Cuts, Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince, Cornelia Street, The Archer, False God, ME!, It's Nice To Have a Friend, Daylight.**_** – **_**The Man **_**& **_**You Need To Calm Down**_** are the two late additions. **

**Anyway, hope you're all still enjoying this. Let me know what you think? See you Friday!  
**


	3. When She Rose Pt 2

**A/N: Hope you're all still enjoying the ride. My visual loving self would encourage you to watch a few minutes of Taylor Swift's **_**reputation**_** Stadium Tour movie on Netflix to get some nice imagery within this chapter. Or check out some clips on YouTube! See you at the bottom.**

* * *

_When she finally rose, she rose slowly_

_Avoiding old haunts and sidestepping shiny pennies_

_Wary of phone calls and promises, _

_Charmers, dandies and get-love-quick-schemes._

_~ Taylor Swift, __**Why She Disappeared (Poem)**_

**EPOV**

"Damn, I'm glad you're back," Emmett sighed, leaning against the outdoor kitchen counter in his backyard. He was on grilling duty, as instructed by his wife.

Rosalie and Alice decided to throw an end-of-school party for the kids. The whole family, Carlisle and Esme excluded, were in Emmett and Rosalie's backyard thanks to the extravagant pool they had put in while Bella and I were gone.

The backyard had a handful of kids; some Maggie and Jared's age, some Alec's age. The younger kids were confined to a smaller, kiddie pool under the strict supervision of Rosalie.

It seemed like everything looked different since Bella got back a few weeks ago and had her big revelation. I didn't dread work these days, instead I saw it as an opportunity to completely renovate the Cullen name. Things got sloppy and disorganized while I was gone, but I was finally getting everything back on track.

I read every letter from Burke, no longer envisioning his threats coming to life, but envisioning myself making him pay for every fucking one of them.

"Miss me?" I asked him, popping the cap off of another beer. The sound of screaming kids and gossiping teenagers didn't even bother me like it should have.

"Missed not having to sit behind a desk all day. That shits boring," he grumbled, flipping the burgers on the grill.

Emmett and I were barely a year apart. It could have been a hassle, choosing which of us should have taken over for Carlisle, but Emmett never had any interest in the job. He was more hands on, and I preferred the strategy. Not to say I didn't enjoy the hands-on aspects of the job myself, but there was a time and place for it.

Before I could respond the sliding door to the house opened and Bella hopped through. She headed straight to me, reaching up on the tips of her toes. I turned the quick peck she was looking for into much more because as soon as my hands slid into the back pockets of the ripped-up jean shorts she was in, there was no other option for me.

"Hi," Bella sighed, pulling away reluctantly. She got herself situated at the counter across from Emmett and I, pulling her laptop out from her bag.

"You miss me, Bella?" Emmett asked, smirking over at her.

"I saw you two days ago, Emmett."

"Yeah, but you don't get a bunch of inside dirt on Edward anymore."

Bella looked over at him with a smile. "I do miss the daily Edward story."

My eyes widened, a hundred different stories Emmett could have told her running through my mind. "The what?"

"Oh, well, she gets just as mopey as you when you two aren't together. So, every morning I'd pull out one of my favorite stories about you. Like the one where you got grounded for backing Dad's Mercedes out of the driveway when you were eleven."

Huh. Stories like that were harmless, I supposed.

"My favorite was spring break your first semester of college. Apparently, you disappeared and Emmett found you a week later, passed out in your dorm with two girls that didn't even speak English and no recollection of where they even came from. I love a good mystery, you know?"

"Damnit, Emmett," I sighed. To this day I had absolutely no solid memory of that week. I did remember the morning Emmett found me, though. Not my finest moment.

"You know, I've heard all of these stories about wild Cullen parties, but I've never actually seen one in person," Bella sighed dramatically, smirking at me.

"We'll throw a party! Well, it won't be fun since you're not drinking. After the tour is over, then. I'm on it," Emmett said seriously. He was suddenly very focused on the burgers, most likely already planning in his head.

"You really shouldn't have gotten him involved," I told Bella, walking around the counter to sit beside her. "His parties are obnoxious."

"Well, I hear you used to love them. Besides, a party once the tour is over might be a nice stress reliever."

"I have a few great stress relieving methods," I told her, eying her up and down.

"You know what I mean."

I sighed, leaning back against the chair and letting her win, for now. "What's with the work?" I asked, nodding toward her computer.

"I need to put together a list of approved reporters to invite to the charity show. I've put it off for about two months," she said with a shrug.

"Reporters?"

"Just to review the show. I probably won't have to talk to them myself at all, but I didn't want to invite just anyone so I told Claire I would make a list."

"And what is the criteria?"

"Anyone who writes more about the music and less about the average age of the men I've dated or shit like that is usually good with me."

I sat back, twirling the end of Bella's hair between my fingers, and watched her work. The afternoon was surprisingly relaxing, considering the crowd in the backyard. We were out of the way, though, and most people were too nervous to come over here.

"You're cute when you're focused," I mumbled, enjoying the way her nose would wrinkle at something she read, and how she bit her lip for a few minutes before typing a name on her list.

"You're in a good mood," she said with a smirk in my direction.

"Must be some kind of fluke."

As if on cue, my phone started ringing, effectively ruining my good mood. I groaned seeing my father's name on the screen.

"Fucker," I groaned, pocketing my phone and standing up. "I've got to go."

"You're going to leave me here all alone?" Bella pouted, giving me a look she knew typically got her what she wanted.

"I'm sure Emmett can entertain you with more stories," I told her with a wink.

It was a short drive down to my parents' home. I had no desire to meet with Carlisle, but he had been bugging me since Esme's birthday. He was pissed, I was sure, about my refusal to help out his friend. I'd also made it no secret that he wasn't to be informed of any of our family dealings.

He got off so fucking easy before. Tumor or not, he nearly got Bella killed and it wasn't something I was going to forget.

Parking in their driveway, I rolled my neck and shoulders in an attempt to relax before going in. It was hard to move past a lifetime of doing what my father told me, of respecting him and his position. It was time for both of us to realize his reign was over.

Carlisle had the nerve to check his watch as I stepped in his office. "I thought we agreed on four."

"I got busy," I shrugged, sitting across from him.

"I want you to loan Aaron the money. He's a friend."

"He's your friend. You loan him the money."

"You have a business built on bailing people out Edward. My business is –"

"Your business is making yourself money and not giving a fuck about anyone else. I don't know the guy, or anything about his business. I'm not giving him a fucking thing."

Carlisle frowned, glaring at me from across the desk. "You were on the island too long. You should have only stayed six months, a year tops."

"I stayed on the island as long as my wife needed to. She nearly went to prison for life for protecting our family, in case you've forgotten."

"I didn't forget," he snapped. "But your wife has proven to be a distraction for you. You don't make good decisions when she's involved."

"Bella's not the reason I'm not loaning you my money and she's not the reason you're no longer involved in any of our businesses," I told him, trying my best to stay level-headed. "You fucked up. _Everything_. You were supposed to spend years teaching me how to run the family, you were supposed to run things yourself until I was ready.

"Everything was a goddamn mess when you left. Your dealings with Volturi were asinine and probably half of the reason he tried to frame us for his disappearance in the first place."

He was seething, I could see it behind his eyes. But, I was too, so when he opened his mouth to cut me off me I didn't let him.

"Don't interrupt me," I hissed, standing and leaning over his desk. "You can't be trusted anymore. We can all go to dinner and pretend to be a happy family, but you and Esme have fucked up too many times. If you even want a hope of ever getting an ounce of respect from me again, you'll stop trying to blame my reaction to all of your mistakes on Bella. Christ, you've been using her as an excuse for this shit from day one."

Every time I disagreed with him, every moment I drifted away from the person they tried to mold me in to, they blamed it on her. Bella's revelation from her time in Los Angeles came to mind. _Fuck everyone else._

Standing from my seat across from him, I planned to leave but stopped in the doorway. Turning back to glare at him, I spat out, "You're not in charge anymore. You and Esme, you're done. Your deals, your opinions, your parties… they're worthless. You're not important anymore."

I left him there, not trusting myself to say anything more. I knew status was everything to him and Esme, and my last words would twist the knife in his chest enough. My hands gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles were white on the short drive home, my frustration growing every minute that ticked by.

Once I was parked in my own driveway I leaned back against the headrest and groaned. As much as I wanted to, I knew I could never cut them out completely. Carlisle knew too much, and he and Esme seemed vindictive enough to do something with the information they had if necessary. They loved the respect that came with being a Cullen, and I knew Esme was longing for the days when she was the wife of the most powerful man in the city.

As fucked as it was, I had to placate both of them. Just enough to keep them from talking, or making any other fucked up deals with enemies around the city.

Carlisle needed today to understand he wasn't making the decisions, though. In a few months I would start to slowly let him in, maybe ask his opinions on a few made-up situations. Let him think he was gaining my trust again just to keep him happy.

My gut told me that eventually all of this would come to a head. For now, though, I had other things to focus on.

…**rep…**

"All of your men are briefed?" I asked, twirling my pen between my fingers and reading over the schedule yet again. Every moment of the show was planned from Bella's perspective, and every step my men planned mirrored hers.

"Yes. Every run though the last two weeks has gone exactly as planned," Ben nodded across from me.

"He's good," I warned. "It's been months and we've barely gotten close to him. We should have had him taken care of by now."

Tossing the pen down, I leaned back in my chair and scrubbed my hands over my eyes. It had been a long few months dealing with Burke, and my goal had been to get rid of him by the time Bella started her tour. Now, it was less than twenty-four hours until her charity rehearsal here in Chicago and the fucker was still out there.

I wanted to live by Bella's new perspective of not giving a fuck about anyone else, but it would be a hell of a lot easier if there wasn't a mentally unstable former soldier out for her blood.

"He's good, we're better. The only reason he's still active is because ninety percent of the time he's hiding."

I nodded to myself, inwardly groaning when I saw the time on my computer screen. "You should head back, get some sleep," I told Ben who nodded and left without a fight. I had been working him hard, but he was used to it. Once all of this was done he'd get compensated more than enough for the extra hours.

I stayed in my office a while longer, getting everything done I needed to before a day off tomorrow. It was late by the time I got home, and I expected to find Bella peacefully asleep in bed. Instead, I saw the light of the television glowing from the living room.

"You should be in bed," I mumbled, kneeling beside her and brushing a stray strand of hair out of her face. "And not listening to this shit," I told her only twenty seconds in to listening to the anchors attempt to dissect a tour they hadn't even seen yet.

Bella was quiet, silently sitting up and patting the spot beside her until I sat next to her. As soon as I was situated she nuzzled herself against me, lying her head in my lap and sighing when I softly ran my fingers through her hair.

I reached over for the remote, thinking anything would be better than listening to these people. They had moved on from the tour discussion to decide that Bella herself had planned the entire music leak.

"You never told me what you thought about it," Bella asked, her voice tainted with sleep, rolling over and staring up at me from my lap.

"About what?"

"_Lover."_

"That's because I didn't listen to it."

The hurt in her voice was hard to ignore. "You – you didn't listen to it?"

"You seemed so sad when it got out," I explained quickly. "I didn't want to listen to something you never wanted me to hear in the first place."

"I wasn't sad because I didn't want _you_ to listen, Edward," she said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Two minutes later she had her laptop on the table in front of us, playing the album as she nestled herself into my side again.

_I forgot that you existed… it isn't love, it isn't hate, it's just indifference._

_Bad, bad boy, shiny toy with a price, you know that I bought it._

_ He's got that boyish look that I like in a man. I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans. He's so obsessed with me and boy I understand. _

_ Kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night. Kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright. Three times 'cause I've waited my whole life._

_ Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close? Forever and ever and, ah, take me out, and take me home. You're my, my, my, my lover._

_ What's it like to brag about raking in dollars and getting bitches and models? And it's all good if you're bad and it's okay if you're mad. If I was out flashing my dollars, I'd be a bitch not a baller._

_ I ain't trying to mess with your self-expression but I've learned the lesson that stressin' and obsession about somebody else is no fun. And snakes and stones never broke my bones._

_Tell me that you're still mine, tell me that we'll be just fine. Even when I lose my mind, I need to say: tell me that it's not my fault, tell me that I'm all you want, even when I break your heart. _

_ I look through the windows of this love, even though we boarded them up. Chandelier still flickering here 'cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not… it's death by a thousand cuts._

_ No cameras catch my muffled cries. I counted days, I counted miles. To see you there… to see you there… and now the storm is coming, but. It's you and me, that's my whole world. They whisper in the hallway, 'she's a bad, bad, girl.'_

_ I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends. I'd never walk Cornelia Street again. That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend._

_ All the king's horses, all the king's men, couldn't put me together again. 'Cause all of my enemies started out friends, help me hold on to you. I've been the archer, I've been the prey. Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?_

_I know heaven's a thing. I go there when you touch me, honey, hell is when I fight with you. But we can patch it up good, make confessions and we're begging for forgiveness, got the wine for you._

_I know that I went psycho on the phone, I never leave well enough alone, and trouble's gonna follow where I go… But one of these things is not like the others, like a rainbow with all of the colors. Baby doll, when it comes to a lover, I promise that you'll never find another like me._

_Church bells ring, carry me home. Rice on the ground, looks like snow. Call my bluff, call you 'babe'. Have my back, yeah, every day. _

_Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down. Maybe I've stormed out of every single room in this town. Threw out our cloaks and our daggers because it's morning now. It's brighter now._

By the time the album was finished Bella was fast asleep and I was wide awake. With everything she put out, every word was analyzed by fans and reporters alike. I knew, though. I knew every fucking detail that she put in there. I knew the creaks in the floor of my penthouse on Cornelia Street, I knew I had been obsessed with the girl from day fucking one, and I knew better than anyone that trouble _did_ follow wherever she went.

I understood better than anyone how much she thought her life and career would drive me away. I loved her description of her as Miss Americana and I the Heartbreak Prince. Though, she and I both knew hers was the one heart I would do my damnedest to make sure never got broken.

Most of Bella's music was dark and intense, especially a lot of _reputation. _I loved her dark side, loved her intensity and dramatics. But, fuck, the girl could write a goddamn love song.

Careful not to wake her, I pulled her into my arms off of the couch and carried her upstairs. Halfway up she started to squirm, wrapping her arms around me and mumbling incoherently into my neck.

"What did you think?" she murmured when her head hit the pillow.

"It's beautiful," I replied, shedding my clothes quickly and getting in to bed beside her. "I get why you wanted _reputation_ out instead of this, though."

She rarely let the public see the true her, and these songs seemed much more personal than anything else she had done, save for the two last additions. Calling out the world for blatant sexism and then telling them they all needed to calm down were excellent examples of her using her voice to get a point across.

"Love you," she muttered, pressing a lazy kiss to my shoulder before succumbing to sleep again.

I watched her sleep, shadows from the moonlight dancing over her face. Even now, I constantly thought that I had ruined her, broken her beyond repair after all of the shit she had been through because of me.

Somehow, she didn't see it that way. Somehow, she had moved on from the entire fucked up situation and came out on the other side happier than ever.

She squirmed in my arms for a second, her arms lazily wrapping around my neck, almost in an unconscious reaction. I looked down at her, fast asleep and thanked whatever God that was out there for somehow forgiving me for every wicked thing I had ever done and giving me her.

…**rep…**

"You're nervous."

Bella shrugged, continuing her pacing across the room. The entire process was familiar, having sat through the same routine the first few months of our relationship. Bella was made up, dressed in dark shorts covered in sequins with a black sheer button-down tucked in. The thigh high boots seemed to be added just to test my self-control. In twenty minutes, Kate would knock on the door and walk her down to a pre-show meet and greet, followed by another two hours of getting Bella ready again for the actual show.

I had sat back most of the day, silently watching Bella. I knew my wife and I knew, as ready as she was, the closer the show got she was going to doubt herself. It seemed the moment had come when we were alone for the first time since waking up.

"Yes," she admitted, her voice small.

"Why?"

"Why?" she asked, her pacing halted and her eyes on me as if I had lost my mind. "The entire world wants to see me fall again and I don't want to give them that satisfaction. This is different than _anything_ I've ever done, Edward. The choreography, the stage, all of it is a hundred times more complicated than everything else. And what if the people I go meet now just tear me apart or – "

"An hour ago, you were given multiple plaques that showed just how much of a success your album already is. You've already proved to everyone you're not falling again. The show is bigger, and you've given yourself extra time to get it just right. As for the fans, Alice has informed me that ten people cried because they saw _her_ and knew she was related to you. No one is here to hurt you. I wouldn't let it happen, anyway."

I stood up, grabbing her hands and pushing her back until she was flush against the wall. The doubt was still swirling behind her chocolate irises, though. "It could still –"

"You're ready. You know you are."

It was obvious to anyone who knew her that Bella loved her job. She loved making people happy and there were about sixty thousand people here that wanted nothing more than to simply see her.

My eyes raked over her, looking every bit the starlet that she was. The woman that people across the country, the world, related to like she was their best friend. It had been a long time since I had seen her like that and not as the girl singing to herself in my boxers while she cooked breakfast.

"You love proving people wrong," I whispered into her ear, taking a step closer until I could feel every delicious curve against me. "You spent three goddamn years waiting to strike back at every fucker who screwed you over."

I bit at her diamond covered ear. "You're not the teenager experimenting with visual albums anymore, or the one who just lucked out with her career. You're a force to be reckoned with and it's time to show everyone just how fucking powerful you are."

Her eyes met mine, the doubt and fear finally gone and replaced by fierce determination.

"If you're still nervous, though, I'm sure I could think of a few ways to help you relax," I offered, letting my intentions be known by quickly lifting her up by her thighs and pressing myself against her. _Fucking thigh high boots._

Bella surprised me by roughly tugging at my hair, pulling me in for a deep kiss. Her nails dug in to my shoulder, through my shirt, as I pressed her harder against the wall. She pulled away, breathless, a moment before there was a knock at the door.

"Just a minute!" she panted, dropping her legs from my waist and smiling up at me. "Thank you. For… everything," she sighed, not needing to even reach on her toes to kiss me thanks to her boots.

"Anytime."

Bella stumbled over to the counter where makeup was piled up and quickly fixed herself up, mumbling something about her makeup artist. She came back to me and wiped a wet cloth across my mouth, presumably to get the lipstick off.

The door opened and Kate walked in. "You would think you would have more self-control by now, Bella," she sighed, eying the wipe Bella quickly threw away.

Bella shrugged, grabbing my hand and pulling me with her out the door. I stood back as she met people and took picture after picture. She didn't just say a quick hello to them. Half of them she already knew by name, and the other half she spent as long as possible getting to know them. She smiled and laughed and was genuinely excited to see every person that walked in.

I didn't think about them much, her _fans_. But, it was surprisingly comforting to know there was a massive following backing her up every step of the way. I was… appreciative of them for taking care of her in a more public way.

"Edward?" Alice's voice came out of nowhere. I looked to my right and saw her sneaking in. "I, uh, need to talk to you for a second."

I sighed, catching Bella's eye quickly and giving her a nod. In the hallway, Alice was obviously upset.

"I'm _so_ sorry. I didn't check the list myself, I had one of the college girls that was helping with the benefit check it over. He snuck on at the last minute I think, probably just for this reason. I –"

"Who?"

"Embry Call is in one of the reserved boxes for the highest contributors."

I hadn't seen Call in person since the last day I had attended Bella's trial. I saw too fucking much of him on the island, watching him interrogate and harass Bella. Which was exactly what he wanted to do now, get in her head. It would have been easy to blame Alice for the mistake, but if Call wanted in he would have gotten in another way. He was a high-profile prosecutor and he had nearly as many connections in the city as I did.

"Take me to him," I grunted, quickly following Alice as she scurried away.

Emmett and Jasper appeared along the way and Alice quickly filled them in. They were smart not to try to stop me on my way up.

"There are other people in there, too. Some alumni, other family friends," Alice mumbled.

I nodded, taking a breath before walking in slowly. There was no point in trying to be subtle about it, though, because every eye in the room went to me as I walked in. I zeroed in on Call quickly, immediately wanting to rip the smug smile right off of his face.

"Edward Cullen," he said jovially. "Good to see you alive and well."

"You need to leave," I snapped, not bothering with any response to his goading.

Call shrugged, taking a sip of the drink in his hand. "I paid for a ticket, just like everyone else here. Also made a sizable donation to the cause. You know how I like to put an end to crime on the streets."

"You motherfucker," I snarled, a vision of Bella sobbing on the witness stand, not a week after my supposed death flashing through my mind. "You know she didn't deserve any of the shit you put her through. You should have fucking _thanked_ her for getting rid of Volturi."

"She's a cold-blooded murderer and she learned from the best. She deserved every second of that trial and life in prison, especially for lying her little ass off and defending you even after you died."

It only took a moment to have his back against the wall and a hand around his neck. Then another for Jasper and Emmett to pull me off of him. Emmett pushed me toward the door while Jasper tried to calm everyone down.

Just outside the door Bella was surrounded by Alice and Ben, both seemingly trying to keep her from going inside. She stopped talking and frowned at me when Emmett shoved me out the door. "I don't understand why I can't – "

"Let's go," I urged her, grabbing her hand and trying to pull her with me. It was useless, of course, because Call was determined to fuck with her. He opened the door, Jasper livid behind him, and smirked at Bella.

"Mrs. Cullen," he boasted, using the same tone he used every goddamn day he questioned her. "Lovely to see you again."

Bella froze in her spot. I squeezed her hand, but got no sign that she could even feel it. Everyone was quiet and still, almost as if we were all too afraid to move. I saw Bella's breaths start to come more quickly, a second before her eyes hardened as she stared at Call.

"I hope you enjoy the show," she said, her voice more of a threat than anything else. She quickly turned and walked away. I was a step behind her, nearly running in to her when she turned quickly into a women's restroom and rushed in.

I held her hair back as she threw up what little she had in her stomach. She stumbled over to the sink on shaky legs when she was done, rinsing her mouth out and leaning over the counter. I could see her arms shaking.

"He can't hurt you anymore," I mumbled quietly, not quite sure what to say this time to make her feel better.

After a few minutes leaning over the counter, her breathing evened out. Bella's eyes met mine in the mirror, the determination from earlier back in full force. "Fuck everyone else."

"Fuck everyone else," I repeated her motto, the one she was so proud of when she got back to Chicago.

It was just a minute later that Bella had collected herself and left the restroom without another word. The rest of the afternoon was, thankfully, less exciting than the first half. Bella didn't seem to want to talk about the Call issue, which was good because I didn't want to have to admit to her I had my hand around his neck.

All too soon Bella was ready again; eyes sparkling, lips dark, and her hair falling in perfect chocolate curls down her shoulders. Her body sparkled with every move she made, the black long-sleeved leotard wrapped tightly around her curves. Again, there was a pair of thigh high boots taunting me.

I sat back as Bella got well wishes from our family, quickly and quietly accepting Alice's tenth apology about Call in the process. Once they were all gone, we were left alone again after Kate gave her a ten minute warning before she had to go to stage.

"I used to sit in that tiny cell and think about some way to come back from all of it, just to pass the time," she said softly, leaning against the wall opposite of me. "I never came up with anything, and I stopped trying after you… Then, on the island, I started reading some of what people were saying during the trial. It was a lot of what I had thought, too. There's no way to come back from all of that."

Bella sighed heavily, eyes meeting mine. "You're right. I like getting the last word, proving people wrong. That's kind of been my whole career. I regretted this show for a long time, not wanting Chicago to be the first night. But, now… I'm glad people like Call are out there. Just to be able to rub it in his face that he didn't win."

Bella and I were complete opposites in a lot of ways; she was soft where I was hard, she was kind where I was ruthless. There were moments like this, though, that we were completely in sync. Her need for revenge, for public redemption was in her Volturi-tinged blood. I loved that I could understand that part of her better than she understood it herself, but hated the source of it.

I crossed the room to her in four long strides, resting my hand on her sequined hips. Behaving myself, I pressed a kiss to her neck to leave her makeup intact, and whispered, "Give 'em hell."

We walked hand in hand to where Bella needed to be. Dancers and band members surrounded us as she gave me a tight hug where I left her for the crowd. There were a few pockets of excited screams when people saw me walking through the crowd. It was a nice change from the scared screams I was used to.

There was a designated seating area for friends and family, one on each side of the X shaped stage. The left side was filled with some label executives, ones that didn't screw her over, and Peter. Our side was full of family, excluding Carlisle and Esme who had opted for a calmer spot in a box, though we all knew they were more interested in the company up there anyway. Kate, Heidi, and Claire were also with us.

"You're welcome," Alice said, smirking up at me.

"For what?"

"I'm the one who got us tickets to her show in the first place when we first met her. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be together now."

"Not true," Emmett interjected. "I told him to bang her before any of that."

The truth was, Bella was mine from the moment I sat down next to her. If I had her that first night, it wouldn't have been enough. I was never big on destiny or crap like that, but I knew she was meant to be mine.

I ignored Alice and Emmett as they tried to take credit for my marriage and looked around. The entire stadium was full; Claire had informed Bella early this morning that every ticket had sold out. It was still a shock to see so many people, to know they were all here just for the girl I got to go home to every night.

The lights went out, and the screams were deafening as a montage of shit said about Bella in the past started playing. Words that once put her in a tail spin but now had no effect on her at all.

_Baby, let the games begin._

The screaming, somehow, managed to get louder. Then, she was there. The outline of a body I knew better than my own appeared, and I couldn't get rid of the tightness in my throat.

I had seen that girl crying on the floor of the shower more times than I could count. Visited her at the goddamn county jail more times than I ever wanted to. She had been by my side for nearly five years and I was still constantly blown away by her, just as in awe of her as every screaming fan around me.

"_… Are you ready for it?"_

The enormity of the show was breathtaking, even after all the rehearsals I had seen. The beat reverberated through my body and the visuals were stunning.

The first half of the show from there was a blur. I had seen the show in bits and pieces and more than a few run throughs, but it was a different energy with a full crowd. When the time came, I crossed the stadium and walked slowly with Ben underneath the lift that was carrying Bella to the other side of the stadium.

This had been the one part of the show I dreaded. A few songs in on one stage and she was walking across to another. The barricades were secure, I had checked them myself ten times over, but it was a security nightmare from my perspective.

Bella bounced down the steps, giant smile on her face. She surprised me with a quick kiss to my cheek, which resulted in a surge of screams, before turning toward her path. Ben walked in front of her, two men on either side of him and I walked behind her, hand on the small of her back to keep her moving.

Once she had finally gotten to the second stage she shrugged out of her sparkly green jacket and handed it off to a crew member, bounding up the steps again.

I stood off to the side, watching her with a smile. When she started performing the song she wrote about our wedding night, about the dress she only bought for me to take off, she did a sensual shake of her hips in my direction and my mind immediately flashed back to her doing that exact same thing in much less clothing.

"You're hot!" someone shouted to my right. I turned to frown at them, but shrugged at their wide eyes instead. They were right, so I couldn't really be mad about it.

Again, I followed her lift slowly back to the main stage, heading back to my seat once she was safely back on the ground. The rest of the show was just as much of a blur as the first half. Bella was in her element and it was a beautiful thing to see.

When she sat at her piano, her fingers ghosting over the keys, I swore her eyes met mine. Christ, maybe it was some kind of mob mentality, being surrounded by so many people who probably thought the exact same fucking thing.

"You guys have been so, so, so, so amazing tonight," Bella sighed, smiling down at the piano keys. "It's been quite a while since we've seen each other, so thank you for coming out tonight."

Bella smiled the kind of smile that took up her whole face, the kind of unabashed happiness that I didn't see on her often enough.

"This song isn't _technically_ part of the setlist. But I… I've been staring at my husband over there for a while I just…"

Again, I swore her eyes somehow found mine. "You're my best friend. You've been there for me every single time I've hit rock bottom in the last five years which has been… a lot. And I'm really glad you're mine so… this one is for you. I mean, more so than every other song for you, tonight."

A song I heard for the first time last night floated throughout the stadium but somehow it felt as though I was sitting beside Bella at her piano at home. I stared at her in awe, because she never did anything I expected.

I was excellent at figuring out a person's decisions before they knew them themselves, my job depended on it. But, with Bella, I never knew. She rarely talked about our relationship in public. Her music was as big of a statement about us as she was usually willing to make. But, fuck, if it didn't make my chest hurt hearing her little speech.

_Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand? With every guitar string scar on my hand. I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover. My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue, all's well that ends well to end up with you._

My fingers itched to touch her as the show came to an end. I watched in awe as she took her final bows, fireworks booming and lights flashing behind her; kids crying and grown adults screaming for her.

"Holy shit, that was impressive," Emmett shouted next to me.

I left as soon as Bella disappeared under the stage, making my way through the throngs of people toward the heavily guarded backstage entrance. When I found her, she was standing outside her dressing room talking animatedly with a few of her dancers, still in her sparkling purple dress.

Today had somehow been the most emotionally draining day I'd had in a long time. It was a surreal experience, knowing I was watching Bella achieve every fucking thing she had wanted in the last couple of years.

As soon as she saw me, she quickly finished her conversation and rushed over to me. I caught her as she jumped in my arms, squeezing her as tight to my chest as I could.

"I'm so proud of you, baby," I whispered against her neck. "So fucking proud of you."

…**rep…**

"I miss you," Bella sighed into the phone.

I sat at my desk, chair turned to the windowed wall usually behind me, and watched the lights of the city. There was a steady rain falling, blurring everything below me.

It had been a few weeks since Bella's tour started. She was usually only home a few days a week, her shows typically on the weekends and then an odd show on a Tuesday here and there.

It was Sunday night and her next show wasn't until Tuesday, but thanks to the storm here it didn't make any sense for her to try and come home before flying back out. It had already been an adjustment to get used to reality and not living in our own bubble on the island anymore. The sudden days-long separations were fucking frustrating.

"I miss you, too. Everything go okay tonight?" I attended as many shows as I could, especially with Burke still lurking around, but it was impossible for me to keep my businesses running with only a couple days in the city a week.

"Yes, all good. What –" Bella's voice got muffled, suddenly sounding far away. "Emmett, take the cake. I don't care! Leave me alone."

I frowned, knowing I was about to get scolded again. I had Emmett, Jasper, or myself staying in her hotel suite with her wherever she was. Every hotel she was booked at had at least a four-room suite available, so it wasn't like there wasn't room. Still, she hated it.

"I don't know how Rose deals with him. He's like a little kid, constantly asking if he can have more cake. I'm going to have Heidi contact every hotel from here on out and request that no sweets are in the room."

"No Oreo's?" I asked, smiling to myself.

"Emmett doesn't go for the Oreo's. He goes for the giant cakes and chocolates every place sets out before we get in," she grumbled.

"You sound more frustrated than usual," I observed, knowing full well where her frustration was coming from. The tour was, of course, exhausting for her. On days when she was home she was typically sleeping or resting up for the weekend. Bluntly put, it had been weeks since we had more than a quick fuck.

"That's because I am."

I smiled at her candor. I pulled up her schedule on the computer behind me. "You have a full week off after this weekend."

"Oh, believe me, I know."

"You should get some sleep. Rest up for next week," I half-joked.

"Okay," Bella sighed. "Love you."

"Love you. Sleep good."

I pocketed my cell phone, turning off the computer and packing my things to leave. It was late, but traffic was still going to be a bitch getting home. I was nearly out the door when my office phone rang. It was one in the morning, and any after-hours business was usually done via my cell phone. Curious, I answered quickly. "Cullen."

There wasn't an immediate answer, and my patience was wearing thin. A moment before I was going to hang up, an unrecognizable voice spoke. "You don't deserve her."

It only took a second to realize who it was. "Cory Burke."

"She was mine first," he grunted, conviction ringing through his voice.

There were a few ways I could play the situation. I could keep my composure, try to placate him and talk him out of this hunt he had going for Bella. The severity of his letters proved he would never stop though, not until I stopped him myself.

"She was never yours," I spat out. "She didn't even know you existed before you started threatening to kill her."

"If I can't have her then – "

"_I_ have her," I interrupted, knowing it would infuriate him. He was probably living in a world where Bella was his, but his world was only a fantasy. "She's mine. My wife, asleep in my bed right now." She wasn't technically in my bed, but if he had tabs on her it would hopefully confuse him.

I heard him groan, and thought quickly about how I could try and turn the situation around. "Why go after her if I'm the one who stole her from you?"

Burke was quiet, his breathing harsh on the line.

"I proposed to her. I married her. I'm the one fucking her every night." I winced at my own words, but I knew this was about his odd sense of a claim on her and, based on his letters, sex was part of that fantasy. "Why not come after me instead?"

The line was quiet again, quiet enough to make me think he was contemplating the idea.

"No," he grunted out suddenly. "She's mine, but she's made too many mistakes. Killing you won't be enough of a punishment."

The line went dead.

I slammed the phone down and left the office quickly. As fucked up as the conversation was, it didn't change anything. The letters gave us quite the insight into Burke's mind, and everything he said added up perfectly. He thought Bella was his, and was furious at her for ignoring him. The letters, the threats, they were all part of her supposed _punishment_ for doing so.

Instead of obsessing over the phone call, second guessing every word I said, I spent the drive home imagining all of the ways I would punish him once I had him. Perhaps not the most relaxing mindset for some people, but it did wonders to calm my anger.

…**rep…**

"So, you're telling me…" I fumed, leaning over a table in the back of a storage room. "That even with a stadium full of seventy-five of the highest trained personal security guards, even with the sickest fucking hit men in the country looking for him, with _you_ here to make sure she was safe…"

My hands squeezed the edge of the table until my knuckles were white. Every scenario that could have happened, some that could still happen, rushed through my mind making me dizzy with rage. "You let that bastard end up with his hands around her fucking neck?"

The night was supposed to be simple. I was going to fly out to Nashville and surprise Bella after her show. Then we would spend her free week in bed, preferably naked for a majority of the time. _Simple._

The night was not supposed to start with the frantic energy I walked in to when I got to the stadium, more than halfway through the show. Jasper wasn't supposed to pull me into a storage closet and tell me that Burke had bribed a kid to jump the barricade in the back, distracting everyone just enough for him to rush one of the b-stages. He certainty wasn't supposed to tell me Burke tackled Bella to the floor and had his goddamn hands around her neck before Ben pulled him off of her.

"I didn't let – "

"Yes, you did!" I snapped. "You were here tonight for the sole purpose of looking out for her."

"And I did, Edward," Jasper interjected, his voice annoyingly frustrated. "He wasn't up there more than thirty seconds with her. Even if you were here, you would have done the exact same thing I did, going after the punk that jumped the barricade."

My anger flared. Because he was right. But I didn't want rationality. "Someone should have – "

"Everyone did what they were instructed to do, Edward! By you! The five closest guys went to control the jumper. The five closest just happened to be the ones at the entrance of the b-stage, and Burke knew that. He's a smart bastard."

I shook my head, arms shaking with the effort to keep from turning and knocking Jasper out. "I would have – "

"You would have done the exact same fucking thing, Edward."

"Damnit!" I shouted, slamming my hands on the table and turning to face him. "Shit like this can't keep happening to her, Jasper! How many more times do you think she's going to tolerate getting fucking strangled before she – " I stopped myself, tugging roughly at my hair and turning to pace the room.

It was a thought that had constantly floated around in the back of my mind after the first letter from Burke. Hell, since the first moment I realized I wouldn't survive if Bella ever decided she was sick of the shit my life put her through.

She could very easily hit her limit one day. Get tired of the blood and guns, the threats that would constantly follow her because losing her was the only thing that could break me.

Being back in Chicago the last eight months had been a stark contrast to our time spent on the island. We had distractions and responsibilities, stalkers and every complication imaginable. Sometimes, in my mind, it was like each hurdle we jumped got us closer and closer to a dreaded finish line.

Complications would always be a constant in my life. Bella could say her life was just as complicated, but her complications were typically less life threatening than mine. It was an argument we'd had ten times over that usually ended in me promising to always keep her safe, even with all of the problems my lifestyle would throw at us.

And now, yet again, I had failed to protect her.

"I used to think you were the smartest guy I had ever met," Jasper scoffed. "I saw you ace tests in college after a two-day bender, I've seen you close deals no one in their right mind would ever think to go for. But, you're a goddamn moron if you were going to say that girl would ever leave you."

I sighed, my heart still racing in my chest. I knew, without a doubt, he was right. The one thing I never had to worry about these days was that Bella was going to be by my side for the rest of my life.

My back hit the wall behind me with a thud and I slid down, resting my arms on my knees. All my life I had been fairly good at keeping my composure when needed. I was known for a heated temper, but I could control it if I really wanted to.

The second Jasper told me what happened tonight, though, everything got out of control. The anger at Burke, frustration at everyone who was supposed to keep Bella safe, the gut-wrenching overwhelming sadness that consumed me knowing Bella had to have been fucking terrified the entire time, it all got a hold of me and wouldn't let go.

"You good now?" Jasper asked after a few minutes of silence.

I stared up at him, glad Jasper had been here tonight instead of Emmett. Emmett was good with things like kicking my ass for doing a line after Bella got arrested. I don't know if he would have been quite as rational as Jasper in the moment.

I nodded, and Jasper got back to business. "Burke is being driven back to Chicago, half of the men who were watching the stadium with him."

The one bright side, I supposed, was that we had him. And I would be able to take out every one of my frustrations on him personally in a few days. "And Bella?"

"Hasn't said a word to anyone since it happened. I tried to catch her after she changed once but she just shook her head and went back out there. Barely got her leg wrapped up."

"Her leg?"

"Must have hit a light or something when he took her down. Nasty looking gash, but nothing horrible."

I picked myself up, literally and figuratively, getting out of the storage closet and quickly following the noise to the stage. Ignoring the stares and glares from the crew and a few of my men, I made it to the side of the stage where I could see it all; Bella sitting on a makeshift fountain with a smile that didn't quite meet her eyes and a hefty bandage around her right knee.

I watched her last two songs from the sidelines, glad to see Ben hovering in the background, right in the center of the stage, his eyes never leaving Bella. It was her bows that really twisted the knife already in my stomach, the way she started obviously favoring her left leg and the tears just barely making her eyes shine.

One of her dancers, Graham if I remembered correctly, grabbed her arm as she passed him, escorting her across the stage for her second bow. I made a quick mental note to give him a generous bonus when the tour was over.

I met Bella behind the stage, pulling her up from the lift in the ground. Without a second of hesitation her arms were around my waist, head buried in my chest as soon as she was on her feet.

"I'm so sorry," I breathed out, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Careful of her wrapped knee, I lifted her into my arms and took her to the waiting golf cart.

I sat on the back, Bella in my lap, with Jasper and Ben in the front. Bella didn't fight against my carrying her into her dressing room, or say anything when I rested her on the couch, pillow under her knee. Before I could say anything, Jasper pulled me aside.

"Ben is tracking down some supplies, then he'll be in to check on her leg."

Ben was no doctor, but he could do in a pinch. I would be sure to call Banner as soon as we were back in Chicago. My eyes went back to Bella, silently sitting on the couch picking at the dark polish on her nails. I could see angry red marks peeking through on her neck. There wasn't much a doctor could do for the inevitable bruises, anyway.

Jasper left quietly. I carefully approached Bella, kneeling beside the couch and brushing my hand through her slightly damp, sweaty hair.

"The rest of the show was horrible. After he… I couldn't focus. All those people spent so much money to be there and – "

"And I can guarantee every one of them didn't even expect you to finish the show after what happened. I saw the last couple performances. It was anything but horrible, Bella," I said softly.

The tears she had been holding back, probably since the second she was attacked, finally spilled over her cheeks. I grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch, draping it over her lap and using the end to gently wipe her cheeks.

"No one is leaving here upset or angry at you, Bella."

It took her a few moments, but eventually she nodded. Her sad, brown eyes met mine. "How'd you get here so fast?"

"I was already on my way. I was going to surprise you, start our week together early."

"Oh," she sighed, giving me a small smile. Bella shifted on the couch, just barely, but I saw the quick wince. Her voice was small when she spoke. "My knee hurts."

"I know. Ben will be in soon to clean it up. We'll have Banner look at it when we're home."

Right on time, the door behind me opened. Ben was in a minute later with a new dressing and a few other odd objects in his hands

Bella sat up on the couch, wincing again as she moved her leg. Ben came over and sat on the coffee table opposite of her, frowning at the angry red marks around her neck.

"He couldn't have done too much damage," he grunted out, pressing his fingers lightly into Bella's neck. "Does anything hurt, more so than just a bruise?"

"No, it – " Bella hesitated, her eyes darting from me to Ben. "It was worse last time."

Her words were like a knife to the gut, but I didn't have the time to have a relapse of my momentary panic in the storage room.

Ben nodded, seemingly unfazed. "You should still have Banner look at it. Get her to the shower."

"Oop," Bella stuttered in surprise when I lifted her quickly. The shower in her dressing room was surprisingly large, which worked well for us. I put her on the ground, kneeling in front of her to unwrap her knee and cursing at the red, inflamed gash right under her kneecap.

"Shouldn't need any stitches," I muttered, pressing my lips lightly a few inches above the cut.

I grabbed the shower head, turning it on facing away from Bella as she stepped in.

"Luke-warm water," Ben instructed, handing me a cloth and some soap. "Rinse it with soap and water for about ten minutes. Bring her back out when you're done and I'll wrap it up."

Ben left and Bella sat on a small ledge in the corner of the shower, leg outstretched. I quickly untied her iridescent purple boot and tossed it aside, following Ben's instructions to clean out the cut.

"He's mad," Bella mumbled, a few minutes into the process.

"He cares about you," I replied simply. "The water doesn't sting too much, does it?"

"No, it's okay. You're getting all wet."

"That's okay." I had noticed, on more than one occasion, when something like this happened Bella liked to focus on the little details. Maybe to distract herself, maybe to distract _me_, but the odd observation didn't surprise me. I tossed the soapy cloth aside, rinsing the rest off of her leg for a few minutes.

I carried her back to the couch, fresh towel wrapped around her damp leg. I caught one last glimpse of the cut before Ben wrapped it back up, which thankfully looked a little less angry than before.

"Keep it clean and dry. You'll want to replace the wrapping every twenty-four hours," Ben said, securing the wrap.

"I, um, there's the –"

I knew exactly what she was going to argue. Thankfully, it was an issue Jasper had taken care of before I even got to the stadium. "Jasper already talked to Penelope. The post show meet-and-greet was cancelled. She got everyone's addresses, you can send them merch or something to make up for it later."

Bella's tour manager, Penelope, was good at her job, and good at understanding there was a lot about Bella's life and routing she wasn't going to have control over.

"Oh, but – "

"But, nothing. Do you need help changing?" I asked, eying the closet I knew her clothes were hanging in.

"No," she sighed, standing up and walking over to the closet with only the slightest limp.

"I'll meet you at the car," Ben grunted, leaving the room.

The trip to Bella's hotel long and full of traffic. I resisted every urge to carry Bella through the lavish halls, counting down the minutes until I could get her settled in bed and off of her knee.

She was still quiet when we got to her room. Jasper quickly grabbed his things and headed to the new room he called for on our way here. Once he was gone I found Bella in the bathroom, oversized t-shirt falling down to her thighs, wiping away at her makeup.

"I stole some of your clothes from home. They're on the bed if you want to change," she said quietly, grabbing her toothbrush.

I smiled down at the clothes she had laid out. It was full Northwestern attire, and was no surprise to me that she had stolen them from home. I noticed early on that an old Northwestern shirt of mine had been a favorite of Bella's to wear to bed. It was probably the only college shirt I had left, but she loved it. So, I gradually started buying more, wearing them to bed once, and then never seeing them again.

I pulled on the sweatpants, putting the shirt back with her things.

Bella came out of the bathroom quietly and we got into bed without a word. Silences around Bella were never uncomfortable. She wasn't the kind of woman who needed to constantly be chatting about nothing just to fill the void, but this silence was different. Too purposeful.

Instead of getting comfortable, I copied Bella's position and sat up against the headboard. Still, she was silently staring at the black television across the room.

"I'm sorry," I breathed out. "He never should have gotten anywhere fucking close to you."

"I'm… okay," she muttered, her voice not defensive or unsure, but surprised. "This whole time… even after you told me about him I was never really scared of him," she shrugged. "I'm sure I should have been, but I just…"

Bella was quiet, frowning in the darkness looking for words while I waited somewhat patiently. "The last time I remember being truly, genuinely _scared_ was when I heard that shot outside the courtroom. I know I should be scared and shaken up right now but I'm just… not. Even when it happened I didn't really have time to be scared. I was shocked for a second, then he was gone."

Her description made a memory flash through my mind. I was fourteen and in Carlisle's office with him late one night. Sitting in on a meeting no fourteen-year-old had any business being in, and before I even knew what was happening the man across my father's desk was dead.

I remembered staring at Carlisle, wide-eyed and scared shitless as he sat there, gun still pointed at the man. It was the last time I ever remembered being scared for my own safety.

"It's easy to get desensitized to it once you see enough bad shit," I mused, gutted that Bella had somehow gotten to that point.

"No, I don't think that's it. There are plenty of things that could still scare me. I knew you had it covered. I knew, even though he was there, I wasn't alone like last time," she admitted. "I know I put up a few fights about the security and complained about Emmett and Jasper following me around all the time but… thank you. For taking care of me."

Bella looked over at me, her eyes so goddamn sincere I couldn't argue with her. If she felt safe and secure, even with someone's hands around her neck, I must have been doing something right. Maybe I was adjusting to real life better than I thought.

"So," Bella chirped, finally cuddling herself in bed beside me and seemingly moving on from the whole thing in an instant. "What are we going to do for the next week?"

I pressed a kiss to her forehead. "You're going to rest up that knee."

"That doesn't sound very fun."

I sighed against her, relaxed for the first time in hours. "Get some sleep, Bella."

…**rep…**

The sky was black, incoming storm clouds ruining any chance at seeing the moon or a single star. It had taken me a good two hours to drive up here, but the purpose for my trip was worth it. The house was long abandoned and the property for sale for years without a single buyer interested.

One of the excellent things about the state of Illinois was the abundance of fields and spots just like this one. It made my job much easier.

There were two cars parked in front of the dilapidated home; one Emmett's forest green Jeep, and the other the run-down Honda Burke drove to Nashville. The authorities in Nashville, and anyone else interested, all believed Burke got out of custody the night he attacked Bella thanks to very convincing fake security footage.

Truth was, he spent a week in a storage unit in Chicago before he was transferred to this house a few days ago.

My panic after finding out about the attack and my conversation with Bella after the fact had made me revaluate and realize a few things.

One, I was a lucky bastard to be married to Bella Cullen.

Two, ever since we got back to Chicago I had been trying to get to the same headspace and standing I had been in before the Aro situation. For me, that space didn't exist anymore, though. That time was about fixing the mess Carlisle had left, and now was about expanding the Cullen name in ways he never could have imagined. On a business level, my father didn't exist to me anymore. Personally, I had to put up with him for a while longer.

Three, I didn't need more time to acclimate to reality because the reality was I could do whatever the fuck I wanted in Chicago and no one could stop me.

I got out of the car, slamming the door loud enough that I knew Burke would be able to hear it inside. He was barely conscious when I walked in, strapped to a chair in the middle of the empty house. Emmett and Jasper were in the kitchen, but I went straight to Burke, dropping my bag of tools on the wooden floor with a thud.

"Corey Burke," I declared, hovering over him. "It's nice to finally meet you."

I walked over to the table where a few smaller items were laid out by Emmett and Jasper, running my fingers along the cold metal.

There was a pathetic grunt from behind me, a muffled, "Fuck you," from the sounds of it.

I turned around, leaning against the table and slowly rolling up my sleeves. "It's time to make you regret ever threating my wife, Mr. Burke."

**A/N: Thank you all for the kind reviews. Nothing makes me smile like hearing someone say they missed these two. Next part is up Tuesday!**

**Lyrics from this chapter appear in the following order, all by Taylor Swift: **_**I Forgot That You Existed, Cruel Summer, I Think He Knows, Paper Rings, Lover, The Man, You Need To Calm Down, Afterglow, Death By A Thousand Cuts, Miss Americana, Cornelia Street, The Archer, False God, ME!, It's Nice To Have a Friend, Daylight, Lover**_** (again)**_**, …Ready For It?**_


	4. When She Stood

_When she stood, she stood with a desolate knowingness_

_Waded out into the dark, wild ocean up to her neck_

_Bathed in her brokenness_

_Said a prayer of gratitude for each chink in the armor_

_she never knew she needed_

_Standing broad-shouldered next to her_

_was a love that was really something,_

_not just the idea of something._

_~ Taylor Swift, __**Why She Disappeared (Poem)**_

**BPOV**

Sleeping in your own bed after traveling for a week was blissful. Sleeping in your own bed after traveling for over six months, only being home a few days at a time, that was fucking heaven. Which was why, since I played the last show on the _reputation_ tour three days ago, I only left bed when it was absolutely necessary.

I had two weeks. Two weeks to relax and recover before starting another equally exhausting and stressful few months of Super Bowl show preparations and awards season. Assuming, of course, that _reputation _would be nominated at all. The closer we got to the nomination period, the more people discussed if I should have even been let back in to the various academy's and groups in the first place.

The thoughts and headlines rushing through my mind sent a shot of anxiety through me. I grunted into my pillow, forcing myself to put the worries out of my mind. _Two weeks. No worrying._

The ensuite door opening caught my attention. Turning my head, I caught a glimpse of Edward, towel around his hips, disappearing into the closet. The whimper I let out at the mere sight of him was embarrassing but I had convinced him to ditch work yesterday and stay in bed with me all day, so the whimper was equally driven by lust and my deliciously sore muscles.

A minute later Edward walked out of the closet, hands just coming out of his sleeves. It was a shame, really, that the man ever had to wear clothes.

"Get back in bed," I sighed, grabbing his arm as he walked past me.

His voice was smooth and warm and did nothing to convince me he should be getting ready to leave. "I actually have to go to work today."

"No, you don't," I argued, pulling him until he gave in and laid down on the bed beside me.

"You can stay here," I suggested, not trying at all to hide what the tone of my voice alluded to. I pressed a kiss to his jaw, slowly unbuttoning the shirt he fastened not a minute earlier. My lips followed the path my fingers created, enjoying every inch of newly exposed skin.

With a mind of its own, my other hand traveled down until it was met with someone I had spent a lot of time with the last twenty-four hours, and someone who was definitely on the same page I was. "And I can guarantee we'll have much more fun than you would have at work."

Next thing I knew I was on my back, Edward hovering over me with stormy green eyes. His indecision was right on the surface of his face as his hips settled nicely between my own, only his slacks and a couple blankets between us. I gave Edward's hands a squeeze, the ones clasped firmly with my own over my head.

His lips were on mine, teeth tugging on my bottom lip when I let out a gran at the sharp thrust of his hips into mine. I smiled against his kiss, thinking I had won.

"I really do have to go," Edward groaned, his weight quickly disappearing from on top of me.

I was left panting in bed, blankets tangled around me and completely unsatisfied as I watched Edward redress.

"Will you turn your phone back on?" he asked, eying me as he pulled on his suit coat.

It had been a good two days since I had looked at my phone. The second I turned it on there would be texts and emails and voicemails all from people that expected an immediate answer and that really went against my plan of two weeks of relaxing.

"No," I objected petulantly, sitting up in bed with a frown.

Edward leaned over, warm hand on my cheek and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. "Turn your phone on, please. I'll see you tonight."

I sighed, dramatically loud, as he walked out the door. Only letting myself mope for a minute, I got up and pulled on one of Edward's discarded button downs. My eyes were down, focused on buttoning up my shirt, as I headed out of the bedroom to get something to drink.

I walked head first right into a warm, solid chest. My panic was miniscule until I felt a steadying hand on my hip.

"Hi," I breathed out, looking up into Edward's deep, forest eyes.

"I have a meeting in forty-five minutes," he murmured, fingers dipping under the hem of his shirt.

"I know you have to go," I sighed, my rational side returning. "I'm sorry, I – "

I wasn't quite sure how it happened, but my back hit a wall with a thud and Edward's tongue was tangled with mine. He pushed past the edge of the button down I was wearing, groaning into our kiss as his hands squeezed my ass.

"Don't you – ah – " My mind was fuzzy and immediately incapable of thinking of anything else once one of his hands drifted around my hip and started rubbing gentle circles against my clit.

I barely processed my legs moving until they stopped against the edge of our bed.

"Turn around and bend over," Edward grunted, hands leaving me and going to undo his belt.

His words sent a rush of adrenaline through me, stopping right where I wanted him most. I did as instructed, stretching out across our bed and fisting the sheets when Edward's finger returned to my clit.

"Hold on," he hissed, shoving the tail of his shirt down my back and getting a firm grip on my hips.

There was no time to savor anything as soon as he started. His hips set a quick, punishing pace. The only sound in the room was the mixture of our heavy breathing and the slam of his hips against mine.

"Fucking impossible to say no to," I heard Edward grunt, hands tightening even more around my hips.

My toes curled and my knuckles turned white around the sheets as I stuttered out an apology.

"Fuck, don't apologize," he groaned. His arms wrapped around my abdomen, pulling me up so my back was against his chest. Never once did his movements falter. "You're so good, baby. So wet and warm… fucking perfect."

He knew exactly what his words did to me, and I didn't have to look behind me to know he'd have a satisfied smirk on his face at the effect.

I grabbed one of his hands, already digging in to my ribs, and slid it up until he cupped my breast.

"Fucking perfect," he repeated, pinching my nipple between his fingers until I squeaked. "Been too long since I've fucked your tits. Tonight."

Edward combined his words with a shift in his hips, hitting the spot inside me that made every nerve in my body twitch. I fell back over the bed, mumbling incoherently into the sheets until I moaned out with my release.

I felt the warmth of Edward's release a minute later, sighing into the bed as his hips slowed.

The next time I opened my eyes I was alone in bed, the room brighter than I last remembered it. There was a glass of water and a note on the bedside table.

**Perfect as always, Mrs. Cullen. Turn your phone on. Love you.**

I downed the water and attempted to button up the shirt still around my shoulders despite a few missing buttons. Sliding out of bed I grabbed my phone from where I had stashed it across the room and stumbled into the bathroom.

I grumbled to myself when I saw the empty outlet where I always attempted to keep a charger. I loved the man, but Edward had an uncanny ability to move every charging cable I ever attempted to keep anywhere throughout the house.

After checking his bedside table and coming up empty, I wandered down the hall to his office. Sitting in the plush chair, I sighed in relief when I found a couple charging cables, stuffed in the back of a drawer.

A stack of newspaper cutouts caught my attention underneath the cables. Unable to curb my curiosity, I pulled them out as well.

_Isabella Cullen's reputation Tour Rehearsal Brings in Over $7 Million for Chicago._

_ Isabella Cullen Shows Her True Potential as Pop Royalty at reputation Tour Stop in Dallas._

There was probably at least one article from each stop on the tour, cut out from local newspapers. Headline after headline of compliments, all stuffed here in Edward's desk.

Heidi would send me online reviews from time to time, but reading them on tour always made me nervous. One show could be great, and the next a complete disaster and I never wanted to jinx anything by getting too confident.

I skimmed a few of the articles, smiling at a few sections Edward appeared to have highlighted.

_Cullen told a very clear and concise story with the _reputation_ film. On tour, she turns that nearly-fatal love story around using the same songs, saving her happy ending for last. Her freedom and happiness after her legal troubles is obvious as she tells the public she had to take away the 'nice things' from them because they broke them, her, in her closing song. Leading us to believe, as usual, it can be taken as a blunt statement from Cullen._

_The _reputation_ Stadium Tour shows us a different side of Cullen as a performer. The extravagance of the stages, production, and performances are a drastic difference from the last time we saw her touring with _Hopeless Kingdom. _This tour is nothing short of a triumph for Cullen in every sense of the word._

_ With the _reputation_ Stadium Tour Cullen has perfectly fused her raw acting ability with her performances. This tour can be analyzed among the ranks of the best of Broadway performances, from the story to the music. Cullen has gone on the record stating she's never had an interest in turning to Broadway like so many other actors, and we now have our answer as to why: she doesn't need it. As she's done with every aspect of her career, she took a traditional form of media and molded it to what she wanted._

All of the kind words and compliments were nice, but what put on a smile on my face was the fact that all of these hidden cutouts were stuffed here in Edward's desk. I put them back, smiling down at the few pictures of us scattered on his desk. One from our wedding, a couple from our time on the island, and one of him holding me in his arms in the middle of the _reputation_ tour stage, the morning of opening night.

I took my charging cord back to the ensuite, plugging in my drained phone and hopping in the shower while it charged. My body was sore in all of the best places, but the warm water helped ease it away.

It felt unbelievably good to be home, to know that I wouldn't have to be gone as much as I had been the last six months. It was going to be stressful as hell, planning a super bowl performance and possibly doing it on top of an awards season, but at least I could spend most of my stressful nights here.

Done with my shower, I wrapped myself in a towel and picked up my phone. I ignored any message not from an immediate family member, smirking through the twelve texts I had gotten from Alice in the last three days, all more frustrated than the last at my lack of response.

I sent Edward a message, a simple _I love you_ just as my phone started ringing.

"Hello, Alice," I greeted, putting her on speaker and getting to my morning routine.

"Finally," she marveled. "I've been trying to call you for three days."

"I turned my phone off," I explained through my toothbrush.

"Well, your timing is perfect. Meet me and Rose at the club in an hour for some mani/pedis and lunch. No arguments."

I spit out my toothpaste in the sink. "Club? What club?"

"The country club, Bella."

"Don't you have to be a member of those things?" I frowned, releasing my hair from the towel on top of my head, and starting a braid to keep it out of my way.

"You've been a member for the last like, five years, Bella."

"No, I haven't."

"Edward has been a member since he could walk, I'm pretty sure your membership was confirmed before you even got married."

"But, I – "

"One hour. Ben will know where to go."

The phone went dead and I left it there to go find something to wear. Country club screamed more formal of an environment than I would like, but I had ignored Alice and Rose, and reality, for three days.

I pulled on a comfortable but ungodly expensive cream sweater and tugged some dark jeans over my hips. Everything seemed uncomfortably restricting after days in either sweatpants or nothing at all.

I finished getting ready; my makeup as simple as I could get away with and my feet in a pair of black, heeled booties. Alice was, of course, right and Ben knew right away where to go when I told him about the mysterious country club.

A text from Edward came through on the drive. **I meant what I said about tonight.**

I frowned to myself, my mind blank until his gruff voice from earlier came to mind. _Been too long since I've fucked your tits. Tonight._

I reread his message, memories of him doing just that flooding my mind until I responded, _Oh, I know you did._

His response was quick. **You were right; being home with you would be much more exciting than this finance meeting. Yesterday at this time I'm pretty sure** **you were riding my cock. **

The memory was fresh in my mind and I squirmed in my seat. _You shouldn't be thinking of that during a finance meeting._

Again, he responded so quickly I knew he wasn't paying any attention to the poor boardroom full of employees he was no doubt sitting with. **Ninety percent of my thoughts revolve around you naked.**

He was in a surprisingly playful mood today. _They do not!_

**That's the perk of being the husband. I can constantly picture you naked and not have to feel bad about it. I have a whole naked Bella file in my mind. **

I had been married to Edward for four years and I knew every mood of his. I had seen him stressed and confused and knew he would go straight for a drink once he got home during those times. I had seen him completely care-free and relaxed on the island and knew he would spend his relaxation time reading business journals. And I also knew he could be an incorrigible flirt at any given moment, especially after a day like yesterday.

_And all these years I've been keeping the existence of my Naked Edward file a secret._

**Fuck, I love you.**

The car stopped and I dropped my phone into my bag. The extravagant building in front of me screamed country club. Pristine white building, big windows, and workers scattered about in pressed polos.

"Mrs. Cullen! We're so glad to see you here, your sisters are already in the spa, if you want to follow me," a woman said cheerfully.

I frowned back at Ben when I heard him scoff. He knew I wasn't a country club kind of person and was enjoying my discomfort far too much.

I grabbed a flyer off of a desk as I walked past, surprised at how extensive the country club was. There was a spa, restaurant, gym, and golf course.

"Here we are, Mrs. Cullen. My name is Samantha, please don't hesitate to ask if you need anything."

"Thank you, Samantha," I replied, walking through the door she was holding open. I had to admit, the spa area was beautiful. Tile floors, candles flickering on every shelf possible, and the sound of a waterfall coming from… somewhere.

Alice and Rose both seemed too relaxed during the manicure and pedicure part of the day to do much chatting, which was fine with me. They had quickly become two of the closest family members I had after Edward and I got back, but I was never big on gossip. Especially after my life turned into the point of gossip for the entire country when I was sixteen.

If we had something of substance to talk about, sure. If we were talking about Nancy whats-her-face and her cheating husband, I didn't care so much.

An hour later my toes were dark blue and my fingers a neutral, baby pink. The restaurant was crowded when we got there, but we were immediately walked to a secluded table in the back.

"You look tired," Alice blurted out as soon as we sat down.

"Thank you, Alice," I sighed, grabbing the menu in front of me.

"Not in a bad way, just… overworked."

"Oh, I've been overworked. This… this is nothing."

The first few years of my career were a blur of work. Sixteen-hour days of interviews, twenty-hour days on sets of movies I had been tricked in to doing, tour that was suddenly ten times bigger than I had thought and a whole hell of a lot more work than I signed on for.

Now… sure, I was tired, but I wasn't about to pass out from exhaustion.

"So, Emmett wants us all to go out tonight," Rose said happily.

"Out?"

"Well, he was going to throw this big, extravagant, annoying party for you. He doesn't think you partied enough since you didn't go to college or anything," Rose explained.

I did remember vaguely talking to him about a party after tour, a conversation I was suddenly regretting.

"But, I talked him out of it because I know you would have hated it. Instead he relented to going to this Mexican dive he used to love in college."

"Oh, that should be fun," I replied with a smile. Maybe a night out would do me some good after my three-day hibernation. A fun dinner was much more my style over an extravagant party full of people I had no interest in.

Our lunch was more relaxing than I thought it would be. We talked about work and kids and nothing too heavy but nothing to menial. It had turned in to a lovely time until I saw Esme walking over to us behind Alice's back.

"Girls, I almost didn't see you in this corner," she said with a smile that made me want to roll my eyes.

Alice got up and hugged her mother, but I could tell even she was starting to see the other side of her these days. I still felt a twinge of guilt every time I got into any kind of spat with her, but it would have been worse if I hadn't noticed Edward purposefully keeping more distance between him and his parents lately.

Still, I probably should have controlled myself after Esme's attention-seeking remark about how she was about to spend so much time and energy on a family Thanksgiving next week.

"I can host Thanksgiving," I blurted out, absolutely zero thinking beforehand. Three sets of eyes snapped to me.

"That's quite alright, dear," Esme stammered.

"You're tired of it, you just said so yourself. You've been hosting Thanksgiving for everyone for a long time, I'm sure you could use a break."

There was a flash of anger behind Esme's eyes. I stared at her for a minute, trying to figure out how the same green eyes of Edward's that comforted me constantly could have a matching set on her that usually stared daggers at me.

"How… nice of you, dear. I'll leave you girls to your lunch," Esme replied, gracefully storming out of the restaurant.

"Holy shit," Rose exclaimed a moment later. "I can't believe you stole Thanksgiving from Esme."

"I didn't steal it," I defended. "She was complaining about it, so I offered to take it over."

"She complains about it every year, she just wants sympathy."

"Well, now she won't complain anymore," I shrugged. "I haven't had a normal Thanksgiving in… a really long time actually." I didn't want to think about how long ago it was, because that would require me shuffling through memories I didn't want to dig up.

"Please don't get offended by this but, I mean, can you cook?" Rose asked carefully.

Her hesitance made me laugh. "Yes, I can cook. Kind of. Edward is better at it than I am. I'm great at stirring things and not letting them burn."

Our time on the island led to both of us learning how to cook for ourselves. Edward had the advantage of a couple months alone on the island to learn more than me. When it was both of us, he tended to take control of the hard parts. I was pretty sure it was his way of trying to take care of me as much as he could, after everything that happened.

"Well, this will be fun! Esme never let us help with Thanksgiving. She would just order people around to cook dinner," Alice said with a frown. "I mean, if you need help."

"Oh, God, yes," I exclaimed. I may have hastily offered to host Thanksgiving, but I knew there was no way in hell I could actually pull it off on my own. "I'll get Edward to help, too."

"You know, I just cannot picture my brother knowing how to cook… at all," Alice snickered.

"He's actually great at it. He even had this little blue apron on the island that he would wear, looking all professional whenever he was cooking," I added, smiling at the memory. My favorite apron memories were when there was nothing underneath it, but I kept that part to myself.

"Huh… Edward cooking…" Rosalie sighed and shook her head. "We all must be growing up or something."

The waiter came with our check a few minutes later and handed me a small note.

"Your entire bill had been taken care of by a Mr. Jenks. He asked we give you this, Mrs. Cullen," the waiter said softly before backing away.

Just the mention of Jenks' name had me on edge. I opened the small note, feeling Alice and Rosalie's eyes on me.

**You did good, kid. **

My head snapped up, looking for him in the crowded restaurant. I saw him at a table on the opposite side, surrounded by a group of men but his eyes on me. He nodded in my direction, and I did the same.

In the year I was incarcerated I spent more time with Jenks than I did Edward. There was never a time he snapped at me or made me feel pressured to say or do anything, one way or the other. And he never got mad at me for losing my temper with Call. Which happened often.

Still, the reminder of the whole ordeal made my stomach churn.

"You did," Rosalie agreed quietly, peaking over at the note in my hand. "When you were… gone… Emmett told me stories of times this had happened to other families. People get caught all the time, and most of them talk to reduce their sentence without the same incentive you had."

I quietly stared at the note, fighting against every memory that threatened to flash through my mind.

"You still hate talking about it," Alice whispered.

I looked up at them, both looking at me with concerned eyes. "Yeah. It's just… every time I have to think about the trial it leads to Edward, you know, and that's when I kind of lose it."

Our lunch wound down after that, each of us heading our separate ways knowing we would meet up again in just a few hours. Even once I was in the solitude of the car, I was still jittery and uneasy after the ending of our conversation.

Once I was home I went straight for bed, burying my face in Edward's pillow. The urge to turn my phone off and spend the next two weeks in bed sounded better than ever now.

It had been three years, almost four since the trial ended but the mere mention of it still sent me over the edge. I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to completely move on from that soul-crushing year of my life. Every reminder left me mentally fucked, no matter how small.

And it infuriated the hell out of me.

I didn't want the vivid memory of hearing a gun shot in that courtroom.

Loathed every memory of sitting on the witness stand, staring in to Embry Call's cold, uncaring eyes.

Never did I want to ever have the image of my husband's gravestone float through my mind again.

But, they were all there. Waiting in the back of my mind for one small crack in the giant, reinforced steel wall I built around them.

Hell, it took me about a minute to move on from a man tackling me on stage a few months ago. Mainly because a minute was all I really had, but still. Burke never even floated through my mind anymore. I rarely thought about him at all when he was still out there, because I knew I had Edward and every single one of his men watching my every move.

The difference was, getting attacked on stage wasn't my breaking point. Losing Edward would always be my breaking point, in any way possible. Once the memories of being in a world without him started cracking through, every scenario of things that could take him from me were fair game. Other women. Men throughout the city that I knew longed for the days without Edward Cullen again. Other women.

_This was why I had avoided reality for three days. _One afternoon out of my bedroom and I was in a tailspin.

I sat up with a groan when the alarm I set before collapsing in to bed went off. My mind was filled with distracting reminders of the dreams that plagued my restless nap. My anxiety knew no bounds. The first sign of a crack in my mind and every possible worry started to seep through.

I got ready without thinking too much about it, pulling a black lace trimmed camisole over my head and a comfortably large sweater over my shoulders. My jeans from earlier were good enough and I exchanged my comfortable booties for some matte black red bottomed Louboutin heels that I would regret in about half an hour.

Restaurant was probably too polite of a term for the place we were meeting. The music was loud, the bar took up a majority of the place, and the few tables scattered around were scuffed and scratched all over.

I stood awkwardly in the doorway, taking in my surroundings when Alice and Rose came up behind me.

"You showed! Come on, we always sat at the table in the corner," Alice exclaimed, grabbing my arm and pulling me through the thin crowd.

I hopped up in the high chair, trying to picture any Cullen ever coming in here. "This doesn't seem like your kind of place."

"College is for experimenting. Besides, they have the best drinks in the city. Rose?"

"I'm on it. Bella, what do you want?" Rose asked me.

"Whatever has the highest alcohol content," I replied honestly. My afternoon of obsessing over every farfetched nightmare I ever had left me wanting anything that would chase the memories away. The day had started out great, but somehow my mind had become a bit of a mess. Alcohol seemed like a great solution at that point.

An hour and two drinks later, everything was fine. Great. Easy. Tinged with tequila.

"I understand this place now," I mumbled, smiling at the new drink that was set in front of me. "No worries, no problems, just drinks," I sighed, grabbing a tortilla chip and dipping it in some salsa. "And chips. And dip."

"No screaming children, no bodily fluids flying everywhere," Rose stuttered, sitting back and stirring her drink with the straw.

"Ew," I mumbled to myself.

"Yeah," Rose replied, taking a big sip of her drink. I followed suit.

"No kids yelling at you that you ruined their lives, no one getting arrested in the middle of the night for sneaking out," Alice added.

"Just drinks, chips, and dip. That's all you need. Ever."

"Good evening, ladies," Edward's smooth voice rounded the table. Emmett and Jasper followed behind but my focus was on Edward, leaning over the table across from me. His hands caught my attention, fingers intertwined on the table, and the only thing my mind could process was the memory of the tight grip they had on my hips this morning.

"Bella?"

"Hm?" I asked, eyes darting back up to his face before I could get caught.

He smirked at me from across the table. "You're drunk."

"I am not," I replied defensively.

Edward came around to table, fingers lifting my chin and pressing his lips firmly to mine. "You taste like tequila and strawberries," he mumbled against me.

"I highly recommend the frozen strawberry margarita," I admitted, grabbing my drink from the table and holding the straw out for him.

I _did not_ focus on his lips wrapped around the straw and I _did not_ think about all of the places on my body those lips had touched. Definitely not.

Edward's parting wink before heading to the bar with Emmett and Jasper did nothing to help the hole my thoughts were falling into.

"He's so pretty," I mumbled into my straw.

"Alec is with his nanny for the night and I get that man to myself for the first time in weeks," Rosalie sighed dreamily next to me.

Alice's voice was softer but no less indicative of what her evening plans were. "Maggie and Jared are both at friends' houses for the night. If you think toddlers are bad, wait until he's a teenager."

Before I could say anything, my eyes caught sight of Edward at the bar. My good, alcohol infused mood immediately disappeared at the sight on the blonde bartender leaning across the bar with her hands on my husband's shoulder and breasts on full display for him.

"God, could this day get any worse," I groaned dramatically, dropping my head into my hands.

"What?" Alice and Rose both squeaked beside me. "I thought we…"

"Not you two. This morning was good, then I had to volunteer to do Thanksgiving and we all know I'll fuck it up somehow. Then, we run in to my former criminal defense lawyer and I did _not_ need those memories today. Now, I have to watch this blonde over there throw herself at my husband," I wined, my words coming out faster than normal during my rant.

"See, this is why I spent the last three days in bed with my phone turned off. If Edward had listened to me this morning we never would have left the house and none of this would have happened. Who is she?" I asked, changing topic quickly to my newest problem.

"The blonde? That's Rachel, she's worked here as long as I can remember. I'm pretty sure she and Edward used to have some kind of… agreement."

"Agreement," I scoffed.

Emmett and Jasper got back with their drinks and I knew I had lost Alice and Rose for the evening. I was mumbling something about _fucking half of the city_ when Edward came back.

"Everything okay?" he asked me.

"When was the last time you and blondie spent the night together?"

Edward sighed, taking a long swig of his beer. "Probably around the time I graduated college."

I grabbed my drink to keep my attention away from Edward, stirring it with my straw and attempting to stop sulking. College. That was a good fourish years before I met him. Still didn't enjoy watching blondie back there stare at my husband like she knew what he looked like naked.

"Bella," Edward coaxed my attention away from my drink, lifting my chin with a finger. "Come here."

He grabbed my hand, helping me down from my chair, and pulled me through the growing crowd until we ended up in a secluded, dark corner down a back hall.

"Bella," he repeated, his body pressing into mine softly until my back hit the wall. "You don't have to be jealous, you know."

"Yes, I do," I sighed, reaching up to wrap my arms around his neck. "You're too pretty for your own good."

Edward's hands slid down my waist and into the back pockets of my jeans. His lips lingered at my ear. "How many times did I come inside of you yesterday?"

I heart rate spiked and it felt like my entire body broke out in a cold sweat. "I, um, I don't know."

"Six," he whispered, his voice smooth and alluring. "Seven if we count this morning."

"Oh," I stuttered, attempting to keep my mind from drifting as Edward's fingertips started tracing patterns down my neck.

"There's never been anyone else, Bella," he said softly, his words slow and comforting. "Not from the second I sat down next to you."

"I know," I admitted. "I just… can't lose you again. Whether it's to a blonde behind the bar or – "

"Hey," he demanded, his voice deeper as he lifted my chin as it began to fall. "You're not going to lose me. And I'm not going to lose you. We're both too stubborn for that to happen."

"Okay," I relented, finally relaxing against him.

"What brought on all of the doubts?"

My first instinct was to skirt around the truth, but the alcohol was still pumping through my veins. "I ran in to Jenks at the club today."

"The club? The country club?"

"Yes. I've been a member for years, apparently. But, it just kind of… sent me in to a bit of a tailspin."

A bar was hardly the place for this conversation, but suddenly my whole afternoon was spilling out of my mouth. "And I _hate it._ I don't want to constantly have those thoughts in the back of my mind, but they're always there. Reminding me how bad it can be."

"It's okay to still be traumatized by it, Bella," Edward's voice was soft and nearly as comforting as a warm hug. "I still am."

I frowned up at him. "No, you're not." I wasn't sure if I could even think of a valid sentence with the words Edward and traumatized in it.

"I have Ben send me updates on you once an hour if I'm not with you. I remember the night you were attacked in excruciating detail; down to the scratches on the bottom of your feet. I was watching the trial coverage when he shot rang out, and there will never be a day when I don't hate myself for putting you through that."

The alcohol did little to stop the sharp pang his words sent through my chest. "So… It's hard on you, too? Being back to reality?" I had thought it was just me and my usual overthinking ways. The tour, all the work that went in to it, it was like living in another world. Now that it was over and I was truly back to reality… one day in and I was already a mess in the back of a bar.

"Yes. I don't know if you noticed, but I didn't handle the whole Burke situation very well."

I smiled up at him. That whole thing had been a bit of a mess, but I had noticed Edward took it particularly hard. It was surprisingly easy for me to get over it, though, especially compared to all of my other issues.

"Thank you," I whispered, my fingers tugging at the hair at the base of his neck. "For always knowing what to say," I added softly, pressing an even softer kiss to his lips. "For never looking at me like I'm crazy." _Kiss._ "For being my best friend."

I had never been good at the friend thing. Once I started working I didn't trust people easily and constantly had a wall built up around me. It was a wall Edward shattered the second he looked at me as more of a person than an object or money bag. I had friends in Rosalie and Alice now, but I still could never talk to them about this kind of thing.

"I think I turned my phone on a few days too early," I sighed, suddenly exhausted. It could have been from the alcohol or the mental strain or the last six months of touring, but I wanted nothing more than to be in my own bed again.

Edward's hands framed my face as he brushed his lips softly against mine. All I could think of now were soft kisses and wandering hands and cozy blankets and green eyes that made my heart flutter.

"Take me home," I mumbled against his kiss.

Edward wrapped his arm securely around my waist as he led me through the crowd. The rest of our group was already gone, but I wasn't surprised. Alice and Rose seemed to have other plans for their night away from their own responsibilities.

Once I was in the passenger seat beside Edward, his hand in my lap, I asked, "So, what do you think the odds of me getting you to stay home with me all day tomorrow are?"

**…rep…**

"Is everything okay?" I asked Edward, surprised to see him leaning against the counter when I got out of the shower. I had left him in charge of making sure the Thanksgiving dinner we had all worked on all day didn't go to hell while I showered.

"Yes, Alice and Rose have it under control."

"We don't have time for sex," I blurted out, wrapping a robe around my shoulders and squeezing the water out of my hair. I had planned the day perfectly, down to the minute the turkey should go in to the minute we sat down to dinner, and I had exactly thirty minutes left to make myself presentable for it.

"I know. I saw your schedule neatly typed up on your desk," he confessed, the amused smirk on his face equal parts cute and frustrating.

"So, did you just come up here to make fun of my list?"

"No," Edward admitted, his face becoming more serious than I would have liked. I stood beside him, starting to do my makeup as he spoke. "I wanted to ask you why you volunteered to do Thanksgiving."

_Odd question,_ I thought. "Because Esme was whining about it to get attention."

"That's it?"

I sighed, my eyes meeting Edward's in the mirror. "And I know you're trying to distance yourself from your parents. You're the head of the family and as… antiquated of an idea as it might be, that means I should be the one hosting these kinds of things. They know it, too, that's why Esme tried to hold on to it for so long."

Edward was quiet for a few minutes, his eyes on me but his mind somewhere else. I knew exactly what was coming. His usual _I don't need you to be that_ speech. As much as I appreciated it, and as thankful as I was that Edward wasn't that kind of man, I had this desire to be that for him, even just a little bit, whenever I could.

"You don't need to – "

"I know," I replied patiently. I dropped my mascara and hopped up on the counter, situating myself in front of Edward. "And I love you for that. I'm not saying I'm going to be hosting Saturday brunches or anything anytime soon, but I can do Thanksgiving just to prove to Carlisle and Esme that they're not in charge anymore. And I can help Alice and Rose with charity events when I have time. I'm looking forward to being kind of… normal for a while after the next few months are over."

Edward's hands rested on my hips, his eyes burning into mine. "How did you know? What I was doing."

I shrugged. "I like people watching. I saw the way you would watch him, and you've told me how you still don't trust him completely. There was never a time when you would talk to Emmett on the island when you didn't ask about what he was up to. I just put the pieces together."

Edward's eyes burned with pride as he looked at me, so much that it made my stomach flutter. "You… you are the perfect woman for me."

I sighed against him. After my drunken confessions a week and a half ago, Edward had taken every opportunity to tell me just as much over and over again. It never failed to chase away every anxiety-driven doubt in my overactive mind.

I cupped a hand over his lips as he leaned in for a kiss. "We _really_ don't have time for sex," I repeated. "And you're getting us in to dangerous territory with your wandering hands and smirky lips."

As of right now, his right hand had snuck underneath my robe and was sitting dangerously high on my thigh. And the lips… the smirks never failed to get me to forget whatever we were actually supposed to be doing.

Before he could argue a case he had very good odds at winning, I jumped off of the counter and pushed him back a few steps. "Shoo. I have to get ready and you really hinder the dressing part of the process."

Edward left with a chuckle and I was finally able to finish getting ready. As with everything the Cullen's did, this was no simple Thanksgiving dinner. Alice and Rose had already changed into beautiful dresses, and I even caught a glimpse of Jared in a tie.

So, with a dress code to live up to, I pulled on an emerald green dress. The sleeves of lace ruffled over my shoulders and the form fitting bodice flared out halfway down my thigh to show the beautiful pattern of the lace. I slid on a pair of nude, strappy heels that would bother me the entire night and fastened the extravagant emerald earrings Edward had brought home a few days ago in place.

Just as I rounded the corner I heard Rosalie shout after Alec, who had run in to my office.

"I got him," I shouted back, following him inside and cringing at the immediate smash of piano keys. He was sitting at my piano, tiny hands punching away. It was an adorable image, but a horrible sound.

"Oh, no, buddy," I sighed, sitting next to him and gently grabbing his arms.

"Play!" he shouted, throwing his arms up again and slamming them back down.

"Here," I mumbled, lifting him to sit on my lap. "Put your hands on top of mine." Once his hands were in place I let my fingers play a few simple notes and was rewarded with a delighted giggle.

I started playing the first song that came to my mind, enjoying the sounds of pure joy coming out of Alec.

_And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends. I'd never walk Cornelia Street again. That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend, I'd never walk Cornelia Street again._

It was a bittersweet song for me, because it was the closest thing I could write to a song about actually losing Edward. Cornelia Street, the penthouse, Chicago as a whole probably would have been too much of a reminder of him if I ever lost him. It seemed to make Alec happy, though.

"Sorry about him, Bella," Emmett sighed, coming in. Alec immediately jumped off of my lap and ran to Emmett.

"It's okay," I sighed, the sudden urge to see my own child running into Edward's like that overwhelming.

Once Emmett and Alec were gone I stood from the piano, straightening out my dress, and pushed the invasive thoughts out of my mind. Now was no time to be distracted.

I entered the kitchen just as I heard Jasper letting Carlisle and Esme in the front door. "Everything done?"

"Yes, I just pulled the rolls out. Maggie and Jared set the table, and all of the food is already out there," Rose said with a satisfied smile.

"Right on time," I smiled, grabbing my list from the counter and crossing everything off.

"There's no way I could have done this without you guys," I admitted when Alice walked in to the kitchen. I went to the drawer in the far corner, pulling out the boxes I had stashed there earlier and handing one to each of them.

"You didn't have to get us anything," Alice insisted, simultaneously tearing open her box. "What is this?"  
"A coupon for one evening of free childcare."

"By who?" Rose asked, turning over the little card I had made.

"Me. I'm vastly under qualified, know nothing about toddlers or teenagers, but I'm fairly certain I could keep them alive for one night. Until midnight. That's when the coupon expires."

I wasn't an idiot; I knew I couldn't handle watching anyone overnight. But, I could give them a few hours alone with their husbands and, hopefully, keep their children alive.

"This is great," Rosalie giggled, putting her box on the counter and giving me a gentle hug. "Thank you."

Alice did the same before we walked out to the dining room, ready to face the wolves. Edward stood and pulled out my chair, pressing a kiss to my cheek as I sat down.

Our family Thanksgiving was surprisingly normal. There were no fights, there was no mention of blood or family rules or anything mob related. Carlisle and Esme were quiet through dinner, but maybe they were finally getting the hint Edward was trying to send.

I couldn't remember the last time I had a real, family Thanksgiving. It had to have been with Charlie, Renee, and Jane when I was about fifteen. It would have been the four of us and a modest turkey dinner.

Now, I was surrounded by my family of ten. Most of which I knew I could count on for anything.

There was always a constant sense of guilt when it came to Charlie, because he had tried his best to take care of me as I was growing up. We wrote letters from time to time, but it was increasingly obvious he didn't agree with a majority of my life choices.

I squeezed Edward's hand as it sat on my thigh, knowing that choosing him had been one of the best life decisions I had ever made, despite what Charlie or anyone else might think.

**…rep…**

I pulled a grey, half-zip fleece over my head on my way to the door. The impatient ringing of the doorbell a tell-tale sign of who was behind it.

"Heidi, Claire," I greeted, smiling despite the early hour. Seven wouldn't have been early on a normal day, but after two weeks of refusing to get out of bed before ten, it definitely was.

We went straight to my office, Heidi and Claire sitting on the white couch while I took the cozy chair beside them.

Heidi, ever the professional, wasted no time in pulling out stacks of paper from her bag. "We have a lot to go over. Super Bowl contracts, award show invitations, etcetera, but you know what our biggest question is."

Yes. The biggest question I had avoided for months. Heidi started asking me before tour had started and I still hadn't given her an answer. _Do you want to make a real go at awards season?_

To most people it was probably a simple concept: you put out an album or movie and hoped it got nominated or maybe even won something like a Grammy or Oscar. In reality, there were about a million hoops to jump through for that to be a remote possibility.

"I don't know," I sighed quietly, knowing it wasn't what she wanted to hear.

"Bella – "

"They'll tear me apart, Heidi, and you know it," I snapped. I loved Heidi, had worked with her since I was about eighteen, but even she could never understand what it was like to have the world constantly judging everything she did.

"I know," Heidi admitted softly. "But you worked _so hard_ for this, Bella. You deserve – "

"She deserves to know the truth," Claire interrupted. "And the truth is Colton Shay is ready to implement an entire smear campaign against you the second he catches wind of you actively going for this season."

Colton Shay was a name I hadn't heard or thought of in years. He had been my manager for a hot minute right when I was starting out. He was demanding and manipulative and a money hungry bastard who didn't care about the health or wellbeing of any talent he managed.

He was pissed when I fired him, but thankfully I had only brought him on for a trial run and never actually hired him. I heard horror stories of clauses he put in contracts with his clients, things that made it nearly impossible to ever get rid of him. Why he had any interest in me now, I had no idea.

"Why?"

"Because one of his artists blatantly copied the concept of your album/film release and he wants them to go for the gold, so to speak."

My eyes went wide. "He thinks the shit Jayden Chase put out has a chance at a fucking Oscar?"

I didn't like being one of those people that shit on something someone else liked, but there were some fucking standards that went with winning something like a Grammy or an Oscar. And the crap Jayden Chase put out did _not_ meet those standards. The music was sloppy, the film complete crap, and the acting more cringeworthy than anything else I had ever seen.

"I think he's hoping more for a few Grammys, but you never know."

I didn't care that he did a film and album in a similar way I did. I sure as hell wasn't the first one to do it, but mine was at least _good_.

I fell back into the chair, grabbing a blanket off of the back of it and tugging it over my shoulders. The last eleven months had been a lot of back and forth. Sometimes everything was great; most of my time planning and rehearsing for tour had been wonderful and fulfilling and exciting. Then Edward told me I had a mentally unstable man following my every move and sending him threatening letters. There were about three okay days between finding that out and when a couple assholes at my label decided I wasn't being the good little puppet they wanted me to be and leaked a whole goddamn album.

Again, there were a few good months in there after I solved that issue when nothing too disastrous happened, then I got attacked on stage in the middle of a show by the aforementioned stalker.

One of the biggest similarities between each of these events were men thinking I needed them in any capacity. The fuckers at the label thought I was a damsel in distress and needed their guidance to have a career, and Burke thought I needed to be 'punished' for not choosing him.

Now, I had Colton Shay thinking he could threaten me in to backing down so his little talentless prodigy could earn him a few extra bucks.

"I'm tired of people thinking they know better than me just because they have a penis," I blurted out, suddenly furious.

"The penis is the only thing most men are good for," Heidi added. "So, are we going for it?"

My answer was right on the tip of my tongue, wanting more than anything to prove to everyone that I could do this my own way, but I hesitated. "I need to know what he has."

Both Heidi and Claire visibly sighed. "I was really hoping you wouldn't ask that."

I cringed. "That bad?"

Claire ruffled through her bag, pulling out a manila folder. "We don't have all of his plans, obviously, but we were able to scrounge up a few things. This picture, for one." She hesitated, the picture in her hand but never giving it over to me. "We verified that it's from before you ever knew him, but…"

I snatched the picture out of her hand, nostrils flaring at the image in front of me. It was Edward and Tanya Volturi in a _very_ compromising position, not caring at all that they were barely hidden around the corner from some restaurant.

"He'll probably try to spin the story that Edward's having an affair. The real kicker is that it'll look like it's with…"

With Tanya. Daughter of the man I killed in my own home.

"That will be easily refuted though, that restaurant closed a couple years before you ever met Edward so the photo is obviously old."

"Okay," I sighed, already too mentally exhausted for it to only be eight in the morning. "What else?"

The rest of the morning and most of my afternoon were pretty fucking horrible. As much fun as it might seem, hearing all the ways someone planned to destroy the very fragile reputation you had built up over the last year _wasn't_ a blast.

By the time Heidi and Claire left in the late afternoon I was tired and grumpy and more confused than I had been at the beginning of the day. My two weeks of relaxation seemed like weeks ago instead of hours.

I grabbed my phone, needing any kind of distraction from the last few hours, and saw a message from Edward.

**Not going to make it home tonight. Meet me for dinner at 8?**

Without hesitating I sent him an answer, telling him I'd see him then. I got ready slowly, constantly finding myself staring in to space instead of curling my hair, or staring at my reflection in the mirror without actually seeing anything. I spent a long time in the shower, enjoying the sound of the water falling as it helped me down out any unwanted thoughts.

I was five minutes late when I walked in to the restaurant. Typically, I tried to be a little extra nice to whoever the servers or hosts were at these kinds of places, because I knew Edward was anything but patient with them, but I didn't have the energy to do more than smile at the man who led me to the secluded table in the back.

Edward stood when he saw me, frowning in my direction when he pulled out my chair. "You're late," he commented, his voice tinged with worry.

"I know. Sorry," I mumbled, pulling at the sleeves of my grey sweater. My sullen mood lifted just a bit when I saw the small daisy sitting on my menu. Where the man found a daisy in the beginning of winter I had no clue, but the sentiment was sweet.

The waiter was quick to come over and take our order. With the way Edward's eyes kept sneaking over in my direction, I knew I wasn't convincing him that everything was fine. Not that I was trying very hard, but still.

Once the waiter was gone Edward sat back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. "What happened?"

Right on cue, my whole shitty day started spewing out of my mouth. Everything from Colton to the picture of him and Tanya. All of the little ways Claire and Heidi had found out Colton was planning on tearing me down again. How frustrated I was with everything even after one day of working again.

By the time I was done our dinner was in front of us each and I poked at my salad with no appetite.

Edward picked up his knife, ignoring the fish in front of him and twirling it dangerously between his fingers. "Do you want me to take care of him?"

His nonchalance at asking me if I wanted him to kill a man for me made me smile. It was a very Edward thing to do.

"No," I sighed, only considering him for a second. "Thank you, though."

"If you change your mind, I can have it done within twelve hours," he replied with a wink that made every rational thought fly out of my head for a good minute.

"I just… really thought I had a chance at it," I muttered, rolling a tomato across my plate.

"At what?"

"Best picture," I shrugged. "Being part of a best picture winner at any time is a big deal, but winning it for this would have been really fucking cool," I replied wistfully.

"You're talking like you already lost."

"Well, I have. If I don't put in any effort, they're not going to – "

"You're going to let him win?" Edward snapped, eyes burning into mine.

"I don't want things to get so complicated and messy and – "

"No matter what we do, our lives are always going to be complicated and messy, Bella."

He was right. "But if I can make it so it's not so bad – "

"By crushing your dreams?"

"I wouldn't call it a _dream_," I lied. "I already have three, I don't need – "

Edward grabbed my wrist from across the table, turning it over and running his thumb over the tiny Oscar statue on my inner wrist. "This was one of the first things I learned about you. I remember that cocky smirk you had on your face when you told me about it. It doesn't matter if you have one or ten, it can still be your dream to get another."

I spent all day convincing myself I didn't need any more awards than I already had, and twenty minutes with Edward and he had seen through every lie I told myself. "What about everything he's going to do… all the lies he's going to spread," I whispered.

"Not to be insensitive," Edward offered, giving my hand a squeeze. "But I think if you can deal with the fallout from your own murder trial, you can handle whatever this guy has planned."

Heidi and Claire had said as much earlier too, but I hadn't wanted to listen to reason then. Still didn't, but I also realized how gutted I would be if I passed this whole thing up.

"I think you're giving my one tiny shred of sanity a lot more credit than it deserves," I sighed, smiling over at him. He somehow always managed to make every single thing I was scared of seem like nothing.

"I don't think so," he replied confidently.

We were both quiet for a while. Edward smiled across the table like he had already won and I picked nervously at my nails until I finally gave in to what I wanted all along.

"Excuse me," I asked, grabbing the attention of our waiter as he walked by. "Can I get the best steak you have? With a side of perfectly crispy fries? And we need a bottle of your most expensive champagne."

"What's the occasion?" Edward questioned, smirking across the table at me.

I waited until we both had a flute of bubbly champagne in our hands. "To doing whatever the fuck we want, consequences be damned."

**…rep…**

I sat on a plush couch in the makeshift design studio, legs crossed underneath me and my granola bar dinner tossed aside. Five mannequins stood in front of me, each of them in a mockup of my Super Bowl performance outfits.

"I changed my mind on the first one," I interjected, catching the few stragglers off guard. It was about two in the morning so the only people left here were myself, the designer Merrik, and the creative director Abigail.

I pointed to the black sequined leotard. "It's too much like what we did for tour. What if we did like a, uh, jumpsuit with shorts? Keep the boots and make it easy to zip off in the back. We'll need more time for the change to number two, though, if we have the third outfit underneath already."

"Jumpsuit sounds perfect," Merrik said, grabbing a pad of paper and a pencil. Both Merrik and Abigail worked on the _reputation_ tour with me, but I was adamant about this performance not being the tour cut down to thirteen minutes.

As soon as I agreed to the show, I knew it was a hell of a lot of work. I had drastically undersold it to myself until I actually started working on it, though. The whole team of producers and directors for the performance were surprisingly kind. They were excellent at their job but were also open to the hundreds of suggestions I brought in to the first meeting from stage design to visuals to costumes. A lot of the grunt work had been started when I was still on tour, but that didn't mean we were anywhere near close to being done.

Why I ever thought I could cram this much work into a span of a few months was beyond me. Because I wasn't just focused on a thirteen-minute performance that would be watched by an estimated hundred-million plus people, I was also having to worry about award season that was right in the midst of the Super Bowl.

Whoever thought I could handle attending the Golden Globes, Screen Actors Guild Awards, Grammys, Oscars, and pull off a successful Super Bowl performance all within a span of five weeks was severely mistaken.

On top of the shows themselves I had to work around the few networking events Heidi and Claire had lined up. The only one of those I really had to worry about was a sit down with a group of Grammys voters to listen through the album and discuss it. The Grammys were the one making me the most nervous, because I had actually never been to the show. I also knew that they only accepted me back in to the Recording Academy because they were following all of the other big players, they were still iffy about me in general. They may have been generous with their nominations, but that didn't mean anything now.

Long story… not short at all, I was stressed as hell. Constantly. My jaw was sore every morning from sleeping with my teeth clenched too tight, my neck had endless knots in it and I had a fucking pimple on my chin that wouldn't go away.

All things considered, I was currently most frustrated with the pimple.

I stumbled in to the penthouse around three in the morning, glad I didn't have to be anywhere for a good six hours. Soft snores were coming from the bed when I walked in, and I smiled at the folded-up pajamas on my side of the bed.

Edward had been entirely too accommodating since everything went to hell. The night we had dinner after my first meeting with Heidi and Claire had been the last time we had a real, relaxed conversation. Even when I could tell he was as frustrated as I was with my overbooked schedule he just smiled and told me he was proud of me before I left.

He never blamed me for the picture Colton leaked of him and Tanya a week after we found out about it. He did it an hour after I opened the American Music Awards with a performance of _I Did Something Bad_, starting my campaign that he attempted to destroy before it began.

He didn't care about the articles that said a song I wrote for my tour opener's album was about someone else. The only thing he said about it was that he wished it was my song instead of hers, because he was blatantly biased.

The song I gave her was simple but fun and so obviously about Edward it was laughable to me that people could think it was about anyone else. _A little bit older, a black leather jacket. A bad reputation, insatiable habits. He was on to me; one look and I couldn't breathe._

All exhaustion was gone when I got in to bed and my mind flew in a hundred different directions from Colton trying to make me out to be the bad guy again to the new outfit change I had to fit in to an already tight schedule.

I sat up against the headboard, knowing sleep wasn't going to come any time soon. My eyes fell to Edward, fast asleep on his stomach with his head buried in his pillow. The dark Cullen crest tattooed against his back matched mine and I traced it softly with my fingertips.

I grabbed my laptop from the bedside table and plugged in a pair of headphones so I didn't wake Edward up. All throughout tour there were photos and videos taken by dancers or myself or any of the other hundreds of people that worked with me on the show. I had everything I could find imported on to my computer for safe keeping months ago.

Three hours later I had a rough video montage of tour, Edward and myself, and any happy memory we might have on film set to _Call It What You Want._ There were a few short clips from our wedding, our first kiss and our first dance as husband and wife. There were clips from his phone, videos he took from the shows he went to. And videos from various other people of Edward and I backstage. Him lifting me into his arms after a show or sitting and laughing with me in my dressing room.

All of the little moments that no one saw but I cherished more than anything. Because at the end of the day I could lose every single award and fall flat on my face at the Super Bowl, but Edward would still be there. Putting everything in to perspective, realizing that even if every worry I had came true I would still have the most important things in my life, I was finally able to relax.

I was a little groggy but surprisingly rested when I woke up a few hours later. A warm shower helped loosen the knots in my neck and back and cleared my head. Squeezing my eyes shut, I stared up at the spray and listed off my to-do list for the day in my head.

Listen to the final cut of _South of the Border_ with Peter. Convince the producer of the Super Bowl to fit in my new costume change. Approve the final dancer selection for the Super Bowl performance. Stay away from the internet at all costs. And another ten things I was probably forgetting at the moment.

The shower door closed with a thud behind me a moment before warm arms wrapped around me from behind. Soft lips trailed along my shoulder, instantly getting me to relax.

"You're working yourself too hard," Edward whispered against my shoulder.

"I know," I sighed. The whole thing was more work than I ever imagined. There was a reason no one ever tried to do all of this at once before.

I turned around quickly, wrapping my arms around Edward's waist and burying my head in his chest. My tears weren't so much from sadness as they were from being completely overwhelmed all of the time.

"It's okay," Edward mumbled against the top of my head, pressing a kiss to my wet hair. "Deep breaths. I've got you."

We stood there for a while, Edward's arms never loosening from around me. It was amazing how a few minutes with him cleared my mind more than anything else.

"It's okay," he repeated, his hands rubbing up and down my back slowly until I lifted my head from his shoulder. Edward's hand cupped my cheek gently, this thumb running softly under my eye. "If it's getting to be too much for you – "

"It's not. I'm fine," I protested quickly, purely out of habit. Edward shook his head, but I kept going. "My mind has just had a bit of a… kerfuffle the last few days, that's all."

"A kerfuffle?" Edward asked, eyebrows raised and a small smirk on his face.

"Yes. I just get… confused and tired and lost for a while but I'm better now. Being around you for more than half an hour makes things better."

I knew my mental stability was entirely too reliant on Edward, but I also didn't give a fuck.

"You'll tell me if it gets to be too much?"

"Yes," I promised, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

**A/N: Long story short: I have no self-control and this final part of the outtake has had to be broken up in to three parts. I don't even know how it happened, but here we are. Hope you guys enjoyed this part, see you Friday!**

**Song mentioned that Bella wrote for a tour opener is **_**My Oh My**_** by Camila Cabello. The song with Peter mentioned is **_**South Of The Border**_** by Ed Sheeran.**


	5. Whe She Turned To Go Home

_When she turned to go home_

_She heard the echoes of new words_

"_May your heart remain breakable _

_But never by the same hand twice"_

_And even louder:_

"_Without your past,_

_You could never have arrived – so wondrously and brutally,_

_By design or some violent, exquisite happenstance_

…_here."_

_~ Taylor Swift, __**Why She Disappeared**__**(Poem)**_

**BPOV**

My fingers mutilated the edge of the knitted blanket in my lap. There was still an hour to go but my stomach was already in knots. It had been a week since my mind went all… kerfuffle on me. Christmas had come and gone and the busiest part of this whole thing had yet to start. The real fun would be simultaneously rehearsing every day for the Super Bowl and mixing that in with nights at the Golden Globes, SAGs, Grammys, and then the Oscars every Sunday.

I rolled my neck, already stressed despite the early hour. Decisions constantly needed to be made, preferably two days before I actually made the decision. Heidi called me every day trying to squeeze in another appearance to try and lock in something or other.

My patience with the whole Colton situation was starting to wear thin, too. Jayden got a couple Grammy nominations, but was left out of every film award show. As it should be, because the kid didn't have an ounce of acting talent.

Jayden and Colton were both pissed, though. Because they were men and expected the world to do what they wanted. And I was the outlet for their anger, so every time I looked at my phone there was a new article about how I was fucking Peter Clark or how the Super Bowl production team hated me because I was insane.

All of the Peter rumors were frustrating as hell and made me regret agreeing to do the _South of the Border_ collaboration just because Heidi thought it would be good exposure.

Before my mind could go on too much of a detour Edward walked in to the bedroom, two mugs in his hands. He smiled softly at me, handing me a mug before climbing in to bed beside me.

The last month and a half hadn't been easy on me, and I knew it was hard on Edward, too. He never said one thing about me being gone from seven in the morning to two or three the next morning, unless it was to make sure I was getting enough sleep. I was never around, had no idea what was really going on with him or his work because I had no room in my mind for anything else, but he was still here. Still smiling at me and not saying a single complaint.

I was under strict instructions not to apologize for anything, though my first instinct was to apologize for the mess of my life right now. After my last minor freak out on Edward in his office, he told me I didn't have to apologize for my job anymore.

_"Have you ever wanted me to apologize for the Volturi incident? For the stuffy charity events or lifelong prejudice every law enforcement official will now have against you?"_

_ "Well, no, but – "_

_ "Then you don't need to apologize for working toward something you want, Bella. I don't care about the fake articles or the press. It's fine that you haven't asked me how work is, because I want you as far away from that shit as possible. All I care about is that you take care of yourself while you do it."_

"Don't say it," Edward warned, taking a sip from his mug.

"I wasn't going to," I lied, even though an apology for the current state of my life was on the edge of my tongue.

"Liar."

I smiled over at him, enjoying the rare moment between just the two of us. "I was going to say that I made you something."

I put my mug down and grabbed my laptop. The video I made a few weeks ago had fallen out of my mind until just now. I pulled it up and set the computer between us. Every clip made me smile, more so than when I was making it.

"You made that?" Edward asked, his voice thick once the video was over.

I shrugged, "Yeah."

"When are you putting it out?"

"Oh, I wasn't going to. It was just for fun, for us." I made the video mostly as a stress reliever.

"You should," Edward offered, restarting the video. "No one ever sees you like that. It's my favorite side of you, all bubbly and happy."

I couldn't keep my snort in. "I don't know if the word 'bubbly' has ever been used to describe me, Edward."

"We'll make a bet, then. In half an hour, if you have more than five Academy Award nominations, you release it. If you don't, it's your call."

"Deal," I said, shaking his outstretched hand with a smile. I expected three, maybe four noms if I was being cocky. There was no way there would be five.

I climbed in to Edward's lap, resting my back against his chest and sighing when his arms tightened around me. We watched the commentary on the upcoming announcement silently.

_"If reputation doesn't get nominated in any major category, it will be blatant backlash against Cullen for her past, something her male counterparts have never had an issue with."_

_ "Cullen has become one of the few people in history to receive nominations at the Grammys, Globes, and SAGs in the same year for both acting and music. Her fate at the Oscars should be a given."_

_ "On paper, without knowledge of Cullen's past, her career should already be one for the books. At twenty-seven she could become the most Awarded woman in the history of the Academy Awards, and rightfully so."_

My heartbeat never returned to normal once the announcement started. After every category it stayed pounding in my chest, pumping every ounce of anxious energy throughout my body. There was no screaming or jumping around each time my name flashed on the screen. I squeezed Edward's hand tighter and he did the same until I was sitting there… writer, producer, director, and actress in a six-time Academy Award nominated film.

"Holy shit," I mumbled, closing my laptop after looking at the full list of nominees. "Holy shit," I repeated, my voice a little bit louder and a lot more frantic.

_Six_.

Best Actor.

Best Actress.

Best Director.

Best Original Screenplay.

Best Original Song.

Best Picture.

The real fucking kicker was that five were all me. I acted in it, I directed it, I wrote the goddamn thing. I did the music, and I produced it with some of the best in the business.

"Holy shit," I shouted again. It was more than _Welcome to the Badlands_ got by a fucking lot. It was the big five for a film every fucking person told me not to make.

Uncontrollable laughter started bubbling out of me as I threw my arms around Edward's neck. "I'm so fucking proud of you," he whispered into my neck, arms tightening around as he stood.

My mind was still a mess as he carried me downstairs, so much so that I didn't question it until there were shouts of 'Congratulations!' when we made it to the living room.

Alice and Jasper stood to one side of the living room holding a beautifully decorated cake. Emmett and Rosalie stood to the other holding a giant bouquet of balloons. There were hugs all around before things settled down, all of us settling in to the couches around us.

"Do you have time for cake?" Alice asked, grabbing a plate and holding it out for me.

I smiled with a nod. "I always have time for cake."

I sat back against the arm of the couch, my legs draped over Edward's lap and enjoyed the slice of chocolate heaven.

"So, are you guys busy February ninth?"

"February ninth?" Rosalie asked with a frown.

"Yeah. I mean… you'll all come, right?"

"You want us to go with you to the Oscars?" Alice asked quickly, her eyes going wide.

"Well, yeah. I never got to do the whole 'big family celebrating' at the show before. The first time Charlie and Renee didn't want to go, and the second Edward couldn't sit in the audience with me."

Maybe it was cheesy, but I genuinely wanted them there. I wanted to have people to hug if my name was called and if it wasn't. It was going to be a bitch convincing Heidi I wanted practically a whole row for everyone to sit with me, but I could make it work.

The room was silent for a second before Alice exclaimed, "I'm going to the Oscars!"

I smiled at her excitement, and the big smile on Rosalie's face. "I can have my stylist start pulling dresses for you two."

They were no strangers to designer dresses, but Oscars dresses were on another level than the kinds of events they tended to go to here.

It had been so easy to get lost in the stress of the last month. I was constantly being pulled in a hundred different directions, but I was also in the middle of what could very well be the highlight of my career.

I took a small bite of my cake, smiling back when I caught Edward staring at me. For the first time in I didn't know how long I took the moment in instead of moving on to the next task immediately.

…**rep…**

"This event could really make or break the campaign," Heidi repeated, walking beside me down the hall.

I rolled my eyes at the term campaign. "I'm not trying to become president, Heidi."

I knew what she meant; we had to try harder for the Grammys than anything else. The Hollywood award show season was an intricate puzzle of knowing the right people and having the right relationship with them. Understanding the game was one thing, and playing it was another.

The Recording Academy was the only organization I was in that hesitated reinstating me early last year. It wasn't all that surprising considering music was the area of my career where I was least established. Acting organizations knew I could act; the music world was still a little skeptical of me.

I knew this event was going to either make some of the big players realize I was serious about _reputation_ or regret their decision of nominating it in the first place.

I took a deep breath before we got to the door, pushing the sleeves of my black blazer back up to my elbows. My outfit was simple; flowy black dress over some black stockings, with a blazer on top. But, it took a team of three to decide on the right outfit that _said the right thing about me._ It was a conversation I tuned out for half an hour before getting dressed.

"Hi, everyone," I said softly, waving at the group gathered around the small stage in front. There was a group of about a hundred people seated around me. All members of the recording academy, and all with friends within the organization who would be hearing about this event the second I was done.

"Thank you, guys for coming out this morning. I thought it might be kind of fun to go through _reputation_ track by track and kind of get in to the details of everything. So, I guess we'll just get in to it," I said with a smile, grabbing the phone next to me and pressing play.

It was surprisingly easy to talk about the album, maybe because I was still just as in love with it as the day I finished making it. I still loved the little details I was able to sneak in to the songs, things people only Edward or I would ever really understand.

_…Ready For It?_ Was my favorite opening track I had ever made; the intensity of the verses coupled with the bubbliness of the chorus mirroring how the public saw me versus who I actually was, which was the whole theme of the project in the first place. Plus, it always made me smile thinking about how blunt the opening line was. _Knew he was a killer, first time that I saw him._

_End Game_ was a song, essentially, about my fear of wanting Edward too much, of knowing both of our reputations were going to be a problem eventually. Our reputations and pasts didn't mix well at all, but somehow that made us fit together better. Our relationship would have been too lopsided if only one of us had a crazy, frustrating, sometimes exciting lifestyle. _Big reputation, big reputation, ooh you and me would be a big conversation. And I heard about you, you like the bad ones too._

_Delicate_ was a song about my anxiety at its finest. The song came at a point where we were at a bit of an impasse in our relationship. We had to leave our sanctuary of the island and return back to civilization, something I knew would either make our break us, but I knew I was too hopelessly attached to him to let anything get in my way.

It was surprisingly relatable to the last few months of our lives. Getting back from the island again, we were both still reluctant to break the little bubble we had lived in for so long. Neither of us were ever all that great at sharing. _Handsome, you're a mansion with a view. Do the girls back home touch you like I do? Long night with your hands up in my hair, echoes of your footsteps on the stairs. Stay here, honey, I don't wanna share._

_So It Goes…_ Was written about the perfect memory I had of Edward proposing to me. He made my first birthday after realizing I had no clue who actually gave birth to me one of my most cherished memories. The way the chorus rose and then the beat dropped was exactly how the moment felt; the rush of adrenaline of seeing him on one knee in front of me and then the sudden calmness of realizing I got to keep him forever. _And all the pieces fall right in to place. Getting caught up in a moment, lipstick on your face._

_King of My Heart_ was one of my favorites. Yeah, I got the critiques that calling someone the king of my heart might be a little overdramatic, but it was true. No one understood me better than him. He was the only person I could tell anything to and know he wouldn't judge me for it. It was happy and the kind of song I would have wanted to dance to in my room at fifteen after a magical first date. _Is this the end of all the endings? My broken bones are mending with all these nights we're spending… up on the roof with a school girl crush, drinking beer out of plastic cups. Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff. Baby, all at once this is enough._

_Dress_ was one Edward always told me was his favorite. The smoothness of the instrumental and melody were always very comforting, the same kind of comfort I felt when I could finally call myself Mrs. Edward Cullen. _Our secret moments in a crowded room. They've got no idea about me and you. There is an indentation in the shape of you, made your mark on me, a golden tattoo._

_Gorgeous_ was a song I needed to bring a little brightness to the darkness of the album. I was fairly certain one of my first thoughts after seeing Edward was "Wow, he's gorgeous," so it was about as honest as a song could get. I saw him unintentionally dazzle women the same way constantly. I could have sworn there was a slight tint to his cheeks the first time I played it for him, too, which made me love it even more. I could probably count on one hand the number of times I had seen him blush. _You make me so happy it turns back to say, there's nothing I hate more than what I can't have. You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad._

_This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things_ could be about a hundred different times in my life, but none fit quite so well as the wall I had to build between me and the media after Edward and I married. I was much more open with the public and fans before him, but that phase of my life was long over. _This is why we can't have nice things, honey. Did you think I wouldn't hear all the things you said about me?_

_Dancing with Our Hands Tied_ marked a big shift in the album. The almost frantic tempo at times foreshadowed what could only be described as the climax of our story coming up next. It was a deceiving song, upbeat and seemingly joyful when all of the lyrics were leading to a catastrophe. _I'd kiss you as the lights went out, swaying as the room burned down, I'd hold you as the water rushes in. _

_Look What You Made Me Do_ was probably the most cathartic song for me to make. I spent months getting every line I wanted in there, mentioning everything I needed from guns to karma to rising up from the dead. It was, in my opinion, the only song that could accompany my comeback. If I didn't have a _Look What You Made Me Do_, people would have just torn me apart again. Subsequently, it was also the only song I sent to Jenks before the album was released, just in case I took things too far. _I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time. Honey, I rose up from the dead I do it all the time. I've got a list of names and yours is in red underlined._

_Getaway Car_ was written about one of the most emotionally draining days of my life. It was something people overlooked a lot in my story, I think, the fact that I could have run but didn't. It was something I could personally vouch for, that nothing good started in a getaway car. It was nominated for Song Written for Visual Media at the Grammys and I couldn't have been more excited about that. _It was the great escape, the prison break. The light of freedom on my face. But you weren't thinking, and I was just drinking._

_I Did Something Bad_ was the first song I wrote after I had finally moved on from everything. It wasn't a song I could have written when I was still crushed with guilt over the trial and that whole year of my life. But, eventually, I had to move on and be proud of myself for standing up for myself. Something every fucking person in the world didn't seem to want me to be. It was a song more about people like Embry Call and Riley Biers than Aro Volturi. It's surprising nomination for Best Song at the Oscars made me more nervous than I would have liked. _I never trust a narcissist but they love me. So I play 'em like a violin and I make it look oh so easy. 'Cause for every lie I tell them, they tell me three. This is how the world works, now all he thinks about is me._

_Don't Blame Me_ was a song about simply resigning to the fact that people knew I had fucked up. But, at the end of the day, I had this intense, consuming, life changing love that was worth every second of the hell I went through to get him. _Baby, for you I would fall from grace. Just to touch your face. If you walk away, I'd beg you on my knees to stay._

_Call It What You Want_ was another that I had to wait a long time to write. It was peaceful and calm and those were two things I definitely wasn't for a long time after the trial. The slight echoing and airiness always reminded me of nights sleeping on the island, listening to the wind coming in through an open window and feeling comforted for the first time in a long time. _My castle crumbled overnight. I brought a knife to a gunfight. They took the crown, but it's alright. All the liars are calling me one, nobody's heard from me for months. I'm doing better than I ever was._

_New Year's Day_ was the perfect closing to that chaotic part of my life. Because at the end of every year and the beginning of every new one Edward and I always had an extra reason to celebrate with our wedding anniversary of New Year's Day. He was, without a doubt, been the best thing to ever happen to me even though the entire world thought the opposite. It was a song that didn't quite fit with the vibe of the rest of the album, but that was why I needed it. _Don't read the last page, but I stay when it hard or its wrong or we're making mistakes. I want your midnights, but I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day._

When the event was done, I felt surprisingly light. Like the weight of the truth behind each of the songs had finally lifted from my shoulders. I had given the world as much of the truth as I could, and there was nothing else I could do.

Looking back on the start of this stress ridden adventure, I probably pushed myself way too hard for the first month. Yes, the Super Bowl performance was important and yes, I wanted _reputation_ to win an award or two. I also wanted to have the energy to say more than hello to my husband in passing.

Heidi sat in the car beside me, typing away on her cell phone while I watched Los Angeles pass by in a blur. The warmth was a nice reprieve from the constant cold winter in Chicago, but whenever I was here these days that was the only thing I liked about it. Los Angeles never really felt like home to me, even when I lived here.

I had a pretty house and a little life here for a few years before I met Edward, but I probably spent more than half of that time traveling or only being home for a few hours to sleep. I never had holidays here or a big family to fill the place up. It was something I never knew I would even like or long for until I caught a glimpse of it with Thanksgiving this year.

I wanted family and I wanted normalcy. My life hadn't been anywhere near normal in years. The island wasn't normal; it was paradise, but it was always in the back of my mind that it would never last forever. The year or so before that was hell, Edward's arrest, my arrest, the trial, all of it as far away from any sense of normal you could get. Edward and I had been married a little over half a year when all of that happened.

Normal hadn't been part of my life in a really fucking long time, and my decision to find some kind of normalcy after all of this shit winded down was sounding better by the day.

I smiled to myself as the private airstrip came in to view. Maybe my version of normal would still be miles away from what the average person considered normal, but that was okay.

"If you stayed in town I could get you in to – "

"I'm not staying in town, Heidi," I sighed.

Edward was being honored at some Chicago business event tonight. His work and his companies always surprised me because just when I thought I had a handle on what he did every day, something else came along and threw me for a loop. I read the press release for the whole thing, kicking myself for not knowing how much he did for Chicago in the first place. He created jobs by the hundreds, bailed out failing businesses and turned them around in record time, and made an effort to scope out local college kids and train them for his businesses.

Yeah, there was also the side of him that distributed any and every kind of illicit drug and weapon throughout the city. And there was the whole constantly coming home with blood on his shirt thing. But that was a black hole of intrusive thoughts I didn't have time to fall in to.

I felt like shit when I read the stats and realized I didn't know enough about his work, but that didn't compare to the feeling of finding out about the whole thing from the woman organizing the event. She had called me a few weeks ago asking me to present the award to Edward. My loving husband who had failed to tell me he was getting it in the first place.

Although I could hardly blame him for not finding the time to tell me. Most of the time when I saw him I was too busy or tired for any kind of real conversation. I was well aware of the fact that I had been a less than stellar wife as of late, but I was hoping to fix that tonight.

"Are you sure? I could – "

"No, Heidi," I snapped. "We already agreed, I'll be back tomorrow night."

It would have been easier to stay in town until Sunday for the Globes, but I had been firm on getting to Chicago for tonight from the minute I found out about it.

"Okay, you're right. I'll see you Sunday," she sighed, nodding at me as I got out of the parked car. Ben carried my bags, two steps behind me as I walked toward the waiting plane.

The flight went by quickly as I got ready. The event was strictly black tie, which was fine with me because I had stacks upon stacks of dress rejects from awards season to choose from. I had saved this was specifically for tonight, the deep olive green a few shades too dark to match Edward's eyes, but I liked the sentiment. It was a simple, sequined dress with thin straps and a slit that flowed up to my thigh.

I pulled on my thigh-high matte black boots just as we started our decent in to Chicago. Traffic was usually brutal in Chicago in general; add in it being a Friday night and I barely made it to the lavish hotel ballroom in time.

I was kept in a back hallway for a few minutes as they announced another award to someone else. I didn't care enough to listen, instead running over my own speech in my head. Presenting an award was nowhere near as stressful as accepting one, and if there was one thing I could do it was memorizing a speech.

A stressed-out woman wearing a headset came and got me a few minutes later, escorting me to the side of the small stage in what was sure to be a lavish ballroom.

"Here to present our final award for the evening is Academy Award winning actress Isabella Cullen," a deep voice announced, and I followed my cue to walk out to the elegant podium.

I smiled, clasping my hands in front of me as I stood in front of a microphone. "I can honestly say it is quite the honor to be here with you all tonight," I started with a smile, my eyes immediately finding Edward in the audience, wide-eyed and shocked. "There is nowhere else in the world that I would call home more than Chicago and it is a pleasure to be here in a room with so many people who work hard to love and nurture the city and its people. This last award is reserved for someone who has proven themselves to be one of Chicago's best. Someone who has created more jobs in the city in the last year than anyone else, someone who has grown up constantly helping the city evolve. It's my honor to present the Chicago Board of Businesses Entrepreneur of the Year award to Edward Cullen."

A woman behind me handed me the heavy glass plaque as I watched Edward gracefully rise from his seat and walk toward the stairs. I smiled widely at him as he shook his head. Instead of taking the plaque from me, he pressed a firm kiss to my cheek, his lips lingering near my ear.

"Well played, my love," he whispered, turning toward the microphone himself.

Edward was never one for speeches, something I knew was because he liked to remain as cold and closed off to the public as possible, so after a quick 'thank you' his arm was around my waist as we were led off the stage.

The only family at the table were Emmett and Jasper. I shook hands and smiled at the few employees of Edward's that were also there, most of which I had met in passing before.

Edward was pulled in to conversation constantly but he kept his hand tight around my waist, giving me a comforting squeeze every once in a while. I didn't pay much attention to the conversation, it was mostly business related, but I enjoyed the view immensely.

I had been too busy to realize how much I missed Edward. I had seen him yesterday before I flew out to Los Angeles, but I hadn't spent an extended amount of time with him in far too long. Throughout each conversation I had to stop myself from staring at him for too long. Every time his hand squeezed my waist I felt my cheeks heat up. He caught me looking at him once and the wink I got in return made my stomach fill with butterflies.

My eyes were on Edward's hand, lazily wrapped around a glass of scotch on the table beside me. His other arm was on the back of my chair, tracing intricate patterns in to my bare shoulder and distracting me from thinking of anything else.

Without thinking about the consequences, I leaned forward. My lips brushed against Edward's ear as I spoke. "I want your cock in my mouth."

Edward's reactions were subtle, impossible to see if you weren't looking for them. He swallowed thickly, his fingers on my shoulder froze for a moment, and his hand tightened around his glass.

"You came in second," Jasper said, catching my attention.

I frowned over at him, equal parts confused and frustrated with the distraction. "Second for what?"

"The annual income bet. Edward was in first, obviously. But you were a close second."

"Oh, yeah?" I smiled. I didn't care about the money aspect, but I liked winning. Or coming in second in this case. I had quickly forgotten about the bet, only throwing my name in because Emmett and Jasper tried to trick me in to helping them.

"Good job," Jasper said with a smirk before getting pulled in to a conversation with one of Edward's employees.

It was the same moment when Edward's fingers on my shoulder migrated to my neck, underneath my hair. They snuck up to the spot just behind my ear making hundreds of images flash through my mind of Edward's lips in that exact spot. Gentle kisses before we fell asleep side by side, or sharp bites as he moved over me, inside me.

"I need you inside me," I whispered in to his ear, not caring at how desperate my voice sounded.

"You're playing a dangerous game, Isabella," Edward replied, his breath on my neck sending shivers down my spine.

"Whose playing," I mumbled to myself, trying not to squirm too obviously in my seat. It had been a good hour, hour and a half of me blatantly lusting after him after giving him his award. Add that to not having any time to really be around him in weeks and I was ready to implode.

Edward stood from the table abruptly, but thankfully most people were engrossed in their own conversations. He grabbed my hand, pulling me away from the table. I grabbed his forgotten award off of the table as he tugged me away.

Once we were out of eyesight of the event I turned toward the front door, but Edward turned toward the elevator. "Where are you going?" I asked, trying my best to keep my voice from sounding too whiny.

"They booked me a room upstairs," he answered quickly, pulling me alongside him toward the elevators.

When the elevator doors closed us in, Edward backed me gently in to the back wall. With his hands on the railing on either side of me, he did nothing but stare down at me with a crooked smile.

"Why didn't you tell me about tonight?" I whispered, my arms resting over his shoulders.

"I didn't want you to screw up your schedule to try and be here."

"This is a big deal, though," I argued, holding the glass plaque between us.

Edward sighed, a hand creeping up and cupping my cheek. "I didn't keep it from you to hurt your feelings."

"I know," I sighed as the elevator doors opened. Edward pulled me out, smiling at me as he walked backwards in to the lavish suite.

He grabbed the award out of my hand and tossed it on a nearby chair. "I don't care about it. Not enough to make you fly across the country for twenty-four hours. If it was something important, you would have known."

I ran my hands down the crisp lines of his suit, gently walking him back until his legs hit a sleek, black couch. "Still," I argued, pushing him gently down on the couch and lifting my dress enough for me to be able to situate my knees on either side of his hips. "It's your night."

"I guess that award is good for something, then," Edward mused, hands tracing lazy patterns on my thighs.

I smiled down at him, pressing my lips softly to his once, twice, three times before I moved down to his neck. Pushing his suit coat off of his shoulders, I started undoing the buttons on his crisp, black shirt.

"Have I mentioned lately," I mused, fingers dancing over every new inch of exposed skin. "How heartbreakingly gorgeous you are?"

I loved my husband for many things; his softer side full of love and patience that was reserved only for me, the other side of him full of darkness and desire to be the best at things most people were too scared to do. I could spend days detailing each thing I loved about _him_.

The gorgeous parts… the hair and the eyes and the jaw, the firm chest and broad shoulders and deadly strength behind every movement… those were just bonuses. Much appreciated bonuses.

I sank to my knees on the floor in front of the couch, discarding any clothing that was in my way until Edward was gloriously naked in front of me.

One hand went to his straining cock in front of me. I smiled to myself at the soft groan Edward let out at the movement. Every reaction of his never failed to send a jolt of excitement through me.

The deep, guttural groan he let out as I slowly took as much of him as I could in my mouth made me blush. As odd of a time for it as it was.

Mumbled curses floated around the room. Edward's fingers knotted in my hair, tossing a pin across the room whenever one got in his way. Every time my eyes floated up to him, I saw his staring right back at me. They were slightly glazed over and sometimes rolled back in his head if I took the opportunity to moan around him.

I took my time with him, ignoring the way the top of my boot dug in to my left thigh and the soreness that started in my knees after a few minutes. Instead, I focused on the way Edward's breathing would hitch when I wrapped my tongue around the tip of his cock or the tightening of his fingers in my hair when he wanted more.

"Fuck, yes, Bella," he groaned, his hips starting to jerk off of the couch a minute before I quickly swallowed his release.

I sat back on my heels, happy with the satisfied smirk on Edward's face. I peppered kisses up his thigh, along is length, and up his chest as got myself back in his lap.

My favorite, satisfied smirk took over his face. "Fuck, you're beautiful," he groaned, suddenly standing with me in his arms.

We ended up in the bedroom, everything pristine and white. Edward set me down on my feet at the foot of the bed, hands immediately traveling up my back to the zipper of my dress. It pooled at my feet a second later and I was left in nothing but a bra, panties, and boots.

"Do you know how fucking hard it is to form a coherent thought when you're in those goddamn boots?"

I smiled up at him, because I knew he had a thing for thigh-high boots. It was why I wore them whenever I could. My hands drifted down his chest, back to his already hardening cock. "I know."

Next thing I knew I was on my back in the middle of the bed, Edward tugging the boots down my legs and muttering about the _fucking boots_ to himself. Once they were gone Edward stood over me, eyes roaming.

He had seen me less clothed more times than I could count, done things to me that should have made my blush around him impossible at this point. But, still, the look in his eyes as he stared at me made my cheeks heat up.

I wasn't sure if it was because I hadn't gotten to spend any time with him in so long, or maybe it was presenting him with his award, but there was an especially giddy feeling in my stomach tonight at knowing Edward Cullen was mine.

I sat up and quickly pulled him on the bed, taking advantage of his surprise and getting him on his back beneath me. I knotted my fingers in his hair, kissing the surprise off of his face. All of my desperate thoughts from throughout the night flooded my mind; it truly hadn't been a game, whispering those things to him. I just wanted him to know that I wanted him.

I grounded my hips against his cock, whimpering at the contact. Breaking our kiss, I trailed my lips down his neck, across his chest. The perfect, sculpted chest that had me squeezing my thighs together. My hands ran across every sculpted ab, my lips wrapped around a nipple until I got a satisfying curse from him.

As I made my way down his chest, my lips wrapped around the head of his straining cock, because I was already down there anyway.

"God damnit, Bella," Edward grunted, pulling me up and flipping me on to my back beneath him. He stared at me, eyes more questioning than anything else. One of his hands dipped beneath the black lace around my hips, both of us groaning when his fingers finally brushed against me.

"Oh, baby," he groaned. "How long have you been like this?" he asked, his fingers easily sliding through the wetness inside of me.

"Since I, uh," I mumbled, squirming underneath him. "Saw you."

"Bella," Edward groaned, sitting up against my protests. He tugged the lace down my legs and situated himself between them, arms wrapped around my thighs, holding me open for him.

I bit my lip to keep from screaming when he pressed his lips to my clit. There was no teasing or torturing as his tongue worked me over. My hands knotted in his hair, my toes curling with every stroke of his tongue. I shouted his name surrounded by a string of curses as I came.

Edward kissed his way up my abdomen, discarding my bra as he went. He hitched my legs around his waist, pressing himself against me while still keeping his full weight off of me.

I pulled him as close as I could, only winning half the battle when I felt a fraction of his pressure against me. I laid there underneath him, surrounded by everything Edward. His scent in the air, taste on my tongue, and it still wasn't enough.

I wrapped my hands around his neck, tugging at the hair at the base of his neck. "I love you so much I don't know what to do with it sometimes," I whispered, my voice cracking and eyes stinging.

Edward smiled softly down at me, rubbing his nose against mine. He pressed soft kisses all over my face, not stopping until I let out a soft giggle. "I know the feeling."

"Yeah?" I replied with a smile. I pulled him back down for a kiss before he could respond, too impatient to wait.

We were completely in sync, having been together far too long not to be. For every one of his movements I countered, or vice versa. He lined himself up with me and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I wrapped my arms around him and he pressed himself that much harder in to me.

My toes curled once he was completely inside of me, his movements slow. My fingertips dug in to his back and every one of Edward's breaths against my neck sent a shiver down my spine.

The ink on his bicep to my left caught my eye; my name permanently etched in his skin. I nipped at the tattoo, smiling against it when one of his hands drifted down to my hip. Neither of us had to look down to know his thumb was brushing over his name permanently marked in my skin.

The seconds, minutes, hours that passed by didn't matter. The only things my mind cared to process were Edward's swollen lips and roaming hands, bright green eyes and whispered secrets only we would know. Despite my desperation from earlier, the slow rock of his hips and the soft kisses were everything I needed.

Hours later I was situated in the middle of a disheveled bed, probably looking just as messy in Edward's black button down from earlier. I tucked some unruly hair behind my ear, still wet from an earlier shower. I smiled to myself, memories from the night still fresh in my mind.

Edward walked in the bedroom, crisp white towel around his waist and a plate of chocolate chip cookies in his hands.

"You didn't answer the door like that, did you?" I asked, taking the plate from him as he got in bed beside me.

"My shirt was missing," he answered, eying me up and down. "And pants seemed a little counter-productive."

"Hmm," I sighed, taking a bite of a warm cookie. I wasn't sure it was worth another woman seeing my husband half naked.

Edward pressed a kiss to my temple. "The sixty-year-old man who delivered the cookies isn't interested, I promise."

"He could be," I replied petulantly, smiling up at him. Whoever delivered the food was probably more pissed than anything at us for ordering cookies at four in the morning.

After our late night snack Edward turned the lamp beside him off, turning back to me and sliding his shirt off my shoulders. I settled myself against him, pressing a kiss to his chest as I did.

"Thank you for coming tonight," Edward whispered, arms tightening around me.

I smiled to myself, glad that I had managed to find out about the event before it was too late. "Next time you get an award will you tell me about it? Even if you don't care about it?"

Edward chuckled softly. "If there is a next time, yes."

"Good," I sighed. I was still a little hurt that he hadn't told me in the first place, but understood his reasoning. "You know, when you get nominated or win these big awards, it's always a big deal because from then on out you're a Grammy-nominated artist, or Academy Award winning actress whenever you're announced at anything."

I remembered the first time I was introduced as an Academy Award winning actress. It was the morning after I won, before a talk show interview, and the surge of adrenaline from those few words made the thirty hours without sleep worth it.

"That had always been a big deal to me, that title. But all of that started coming in second once I got the title of being your wife." My words started coming out faster, needing to get it all out before Edward interrupted me. "I know I haven't done a very good job at showing you lately, but you're the most important – all of this is nothing compared to – all I really care about is – "

"I know, Bella," Edward interrupted, saving me from my word vomit. "The last thing you need to worry about is me getting upset at your schedule. _I know_."

I relaxed against him, comforted that I didn't even need to really say what I meant for him to understand.

…**rep…**

My nerves didn't hit me until I was walking down the hall. I had avoided rooms full of reporters actively for a long time, and this afternoon felt a lot like I was walking in to the lion's den.

I had survived the Golden Globes. Won two of them. Actress in a musical or comedy and original song. I survived opening up the Grammys with a performance of _Look What You Made Me Do_ and won four of them. Song written for visual media for _Getaway Car_, Music Video of the Year for _Look What You Made Me Do_, and Pop Vocal Album and Album of the Year. I got myself another Screen Actors Guild Award for Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role.

I had two more things to mark off my list before I could relax for the first time in about ten months. Super Bowl performance and Academy Awards. Unfortunately, the former included a large press conference.

There had been small ones following each win at the other award ceremonies, but they were typically only a few minutes long until the next winner was announced and quickly ushered in. This was going to be me in front of dozens of reporters for a good half hour.

A literal nightmare considering I really didn't get along with anyone, let alone the press, these days.

Colton Shay had backed off lately, which was a relief. Jayden Chase got himself a Grammy, probably through a few backhanded deals, but it seemed to appease them and get everyone off of my back. He caused a lot of shit before that happened; rumors that Edward was or had cheated on me in the past, rehashing old testimony clips or claiming to have new evidence that would have gotten me convicted, all shit that captured the public's attention for a week or so before it fizzled out. It was frustrating, but nothing detrimental.

I fiddled with the ends of my hair, ignoring the small groan I heard from my hair stylist behind me. In his defense, he had spent a good hour curling it perfectly. On the walk to the stage I was surrounded by a small army. Edward was right beside me, hand on the small of my back and keeping me moving. Ben was around, of course, as well as Emmett, Jasper, Alice, and Rosalie. Heidi, Claire, and Kate were here too, as well as Patrick and Chrissy, my hair and makeup stylists.

With the size of the crowd following me step for step, the confused whispers took a minute to get to me.

"Shit," I heard Heidi snap beside me. It wasn't unusual, her cursing at her phone. I didn't think anything of it until she grabbed my hand, stopping us all in the middle of a hallway.

"Shit," she repeated, glaring at her phone. "Colton Shay just added Jacob Black to his roster."

I rolled my eyes to myself. "Then they're a match made in fucking heaven."

Edward chuckled beside me and I smiled over at him. Heidi glared over at me like she wanted to pop me on the nose like a disobedient puppy.

"He signed Black and both went on the record saying they bonded over their mutual experiences with you. Both having been, and I quote, 'Victims of Cullen's manipulative and sometimes psychotic behavior.'"

I stopped in my tracks, everyone around me doing the same. Heidi and Claire looked at me, both with equal looks of frustration and annoyance.

"Why," I groaned, wishing I had something breakable in my hands, something I could take all of my anger out on. "Why do men have to fuck up _everything._"

Words could not describe how fucking tired I was of men, especially a select few, thinking I wanted their opinion. The label leaks, this whole Shay situation, they were just the current problems. I had dealt with shit like this from day one and I was sick of it.

"Mrs. Cullen, we're ready for you," a petite woman in a headset said, rushing down the hall towards us.

Everyone besides Heidi and Claire were silent as we walked. The sudden uncomfortable tension was much different from the nervous excitement in the air a few minutes ago.

Heidi started. "They're going to – "

"I know," I replied, twirling my wedding rings around my finger. I was dreading the press five minutes ago. That was doubled now.

"You can't snap. That'll just prove their point."

"Their point that I'm unstable and psychotic?" I growled under my breath. There were too many microphones too fucking close to us to be having this conversation. I felt Edward's hand tense around my waist.

"Yes," Claire replied bluntly. "This is about your performance, nothing more. If anyone says anything about them, go to the next question."

"I know. I know," I grumbled, straightening myself up. My blush handkerchief skirt was trimmed with black lace at the bottom. I resituated the black crop top and rolled my neck.

Edward pressed a kiss to the top of my head. He wanted to say something, I could tell by the way his fingers lingered on my shoulder, but I was whisked away before he got the chance.

I put on my best smile and gave a small wave to the crowd as I walked out. There was the typical few minutes of banter before I was forced to face the flashing lights and rolling cameras.

"Hi, Bella. Ashley Greene with E! News. You went straight from a six-month stadium tour to the Super Bowl. Can we expect a lot of similar tour performances or visuals this weekend?"

I let out a sigh of relief at the completely appropriate question. "No, actually. I think that would have been the easy way out. I wanted something completely new and exciting for everyone, including anyone that came to the _reputation_ tour."

"Hello, Mrs. Cullen. Andy Adams. Ever since you were announced as the Super Bowl performer, there have been reports that you're one of the least qualified performers to be chosen. How did you react to that?"

"I've been vastly underqualified for nearly everything I've ever done," I answered with a chuckle. "No one thought I was a good choice for the first few films I was in. No one thought I could make successful music. I've always thrived on proving people wrong."

With each new question staying on the topic of the performance, I was able to relax more. I saw Heidi and Claire typing away at their phone on the sidelines, and Edward looking on with a frown.

"We've got time for one last question," the announcer said, pointing to one final reporter.

"Mrs. Cullen. What are your thoughts on the new partnership between your former boyfriend, Jacob Black, and manager Colton Shay?"

_Do not roll your eyes. Do not roll your eyes._ I took a deep breath, clasping my hands on the podium in front of me. "You really want to waste your last question on Jacob Black and Colton Shay?"

There was an ounce of hope that the asshole would rescind his question and ask a better one, but he simply nodded in my direction. Fucker.

"Honestly…" I sighed, practically hearing Claire and Heidi curse to themselves from the distance. "I prefer not to think about either of them whenever possible. My relationship with Jacob Black was inappropriate and the only reason I don't regret it to this day is because it is partly responsible for my meeting of my husband.

"As for Colton Shay, the last time I saw him was a business meeting where I had to repeatedly shove his hand off of my thigh, so no, I don't have any thoughts on their new partnership," I snapped.

"How old were you during the meeting?" someone asked quickly.

I saw Claire about to walk out, tell everyone the press conference was over probably, but I held up my hand to stop her.

I was sick of this constant back and forth with him. Tired of men thinking they could walk all over me and get away with it. Even the jerk who thought now was a good time to ask me about Colton Shay, like he had anything to do with this weekend.

I hadn't thought about the guy in years before this happened. He was completely inconsequential to me. I would hear his name in passing, or see him across the room at events, but I didn't care about him one way or another.

I knew, at the end of the day, Shay was just doing all of this for the attention. More attention on him meant more attention on his clients which meant a bigger chunk of their paychecks going to him.

Up until this point I hadn't made a big deal about the whole thing. He put out story after story about Edward cheating on me, or vice versa, the last few months and I ignored it. He had his artists talk shit about me but I didn't care. I was tired of his name coming up when it shouldn't, but I knew my answer would cause him a shitstorm.

Not that he cared about any of that when it came to me.

"Seventeen," I replied evenly. I nodded to the now panicked crowd. "I'll see you all Sunday."

Everyone was scared of people like Shay because of the pull he had. Sure, I would probably wake up with a hundred articles from publications on his payroll talking shit about me, but I didn't care anymore.

I was tired of Hollywood being an old boys club, sick of them constantly getting their way. And I was one of the lucky ones because I didn't have anything worse than a few inappropriate touches or remarks happen to me. There were women who had it a hell of a lot worse than me.

Maybe admitting Shay's indiscretions to a room full of press was stupid, but maybe it would also help some other young girl in a situation like that know she didn't have to let him touch her for her to get a job.

I brushed past my entire team as I rushed off the stage, most staring at me with wide eyes. "I know," I grumbled to Heidi and Claire before they could say anything.

Everyone was surrounding me again, all working to keep up with me as I hurried down the hall. We all piled in the waiting cars outside. Heidi, Claire, Kate, and Edward were the only people with me.

I leaned against the window, biting my nails as everyone not-so-subtly stared in my direction.

"You never told me that happened," Kate spoke up, her voice quiet and calm.

I shrugged. "Didn't really tell anyone. It's hardly the worst thing to happen to me, anyway."

"Still doesn't mean it doesn't just… suck," Kate grumbled.

I nodded, my eyes finally brave enough to peak over at Edward beside me. His expression was blank, but his hands were clenched so tight his nails had to be digging in to his palms. I grabbed one of his hands, bringing it in to my lap and uncurling his fist. The rest of the ride to the hotel consisted of periodic squeezes back and forth.

We were in Miami and the bright, sunny day was a stark contrast to how our afternoon had turned out. Everyone branched off when we got to the hotel. Edward still sulking beside me but also still clutching my hand.

I let out a sigh of relief when we got to our suite, falling ever so ungracefully into the plush couch. Kicking off my heels, I wiggled my toes free and turned my attention to Edward.

He was in a chair opposite of me, hunched over with his elbows on his knees. "Things would be much easier if you would let me take care of him."

Standing, I walked over to where Edward sat, gently pushing him back against the chair so I had room to straddle his waist. His frustration never faded from his face, but at least now his hands went from harsh fists in his lap to firm grips on my hips.

"You can't kill every person who says something mean about me," I said softly, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. Maybe the average woman would have run for the hills if their husband offered to commit murder for them, but somehow my mind thought it was kind of sweet.

"I could," he grumbled. "You just won't let me. And he didn't just say something mean, Bella."

"It was a long time ago," I sighed. "I hardly even remember it."

"That doesn't make it okay."

"I know it doesn't. It was scary and uncomfortable and part of the reason I have no men as part of my team. But, I'm okay. Nothing worse happened, and a lot of women can't say the same."

Edward was quiet for a few minutes, eyes on me but not really focused on me. His thumbs rubbed soothing circles against my hips and I relaxed against him.

"You know you're not – no one thinks that you're – "

_Psychotic._ That was the word he was looking for.

"Oh, a lot of people think I am."

"You're not," Edward snapped, decision ringing in his voice. His emerald eyes burned with determination and distracted me from the conversation, just for a moment.

My voice was quiet when I broke the silence. "You and I both know I'm not the most… stable person, Edward."

"You get… sad and lost sometimes. That's not psychotic, Bella. That's being human."

I nodded, brushing my nose against his. "Why does it bother you so much?"

Edward's eye softened as he looked up at me. He tucked a strand of hair, fallen from my pristine ponytail earlier, behind my ear. "Because ever since you told me about your issues, that first weekend in Los Angeles, I've never wanted you to feel that alone again. And for them to try and throw it in your face like that – "

The intensity and burning rage were back in his eyes. Despite his obvious anger and frustration, I wasn't sure I had ever been more in love with him.

I interrupted him with a kiss, but his frustration was still there when I pulled away. "Thank you for caring so much about me."

Edward sighed, leaning his head back against the chair for a minute. Once he looked back up at me, the anger behind his eyes had subsided a tiny bit. "You'll let me know? The second you change your mind about letting me get rid of him?"

I smirked at him. "Which one?"

Edward shrugged. "Either. Both. I'll take what I can get."

…**rep…**

I stood in the middle of my dressing room, blissfully alone with Edward for the first time all day. There wasn't a time in my life I could remember being this big of a mess of conflicting emotions. I was excited to finally do this performance, for real and not in front of a crowd of technicians or producers. I was dreading actually doing it because there were a thousand ways I could mess it up. I was proud of the show I had put together, really fucking proud of it, but also worried it wouldn't be enough. Terror shot through me at the thought of this hectic time in my life ending because I had no idea what was next, but I was also really fucking ready for it to be over.

Edward leaned against one of the many tables in the room filled with snacks, smiling at me from behind. I could tell, considering nearly the whole wall in front of me was a mirror.

I tugged at the sleeves of my jumpsuit, all black and sparkly and a perfect distraction from the mess in my mind.

Edward was behind me a moment later, his front pressed deliciously against my back, but careful to keep away from my hair. His eyes met mine in the mirror, sparkling and instantly relaxing me. "You've done good, Bella," he said softly.

I looked at him in the mirror, confused, until he elaborated.

"You amaze me every day. You don't do anything the easy way, you don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something, you never fucking stop fighting," he mused, carefully brushing my hair over my shoulder and pressing a kiss to the back of my neck.

"The whole world was against you and look at you now." His hands wrapped around my waist, tracing over the intricacies of the fabric. "Fucking stunning."

"I could still fall flat on my face," I countered, turning around and tossing my arms loosely over his shoulders.

"You won't."

I smiled up at him, my mind full of memories. From the first time I saw him to seeing him look at me on our wedding day to finally having my arms around him on the island after thinking I had lost him forever. The fact that we survived half of the shit we had been through was a miracle. But it also felt like the easiest thing in the world when I had him there.

How we actually ended up here though, on top of the world instead of hiding away for the rest of our lives… it was kind of mind blowing.

Really mind blowing.

A slightly insane cackle escaped my lips, turning in to full blown laughter. I threw myself at Edward, standing on the tips of my toes to whisper in his ear. "I can't believe we did it. We got away with… _everything_… and still ended up here."

By all accounts… we never should have made it this far. Our relationship should have imploded years ago, one or both of us should probably be dead by now. None of this should have ever worked out in our favor.

But, fuck, here we were. Edward and his businesses were thriving, and I was about to play the biggest show of my career.

"Nowhere else I'd rather be, Mrs. Cullen," Edward told me, and sinister smile on his lips telling me he understood exactly what I was saying, what I was feeling.

There was a soft knock at the door, signaling the end of our time together.

"Are you ready?" Edward asked, standing back as I straightened myself up.

For the first time since I started planning this whole thing, I had a solid answer for someone when they asked me that question. "Yes."

Because, fuck, if I lived through all of that shit, I sure as hell could put on a thirteen-minute performance.

Everything started moving fast then. Edward left me with a knowing smirk and the promise of a kiss once my makeup was no longer required to be television-ready. There was some more waiting, letting the clock run down on the game or something. I wasn't sure; still had no fucking clue how football worked.

But, my nerves from earlier never came back. Ben and a few others led me on to the field when it was time and my worries were gone. I was eerily calm, standing there in front of sixty thousand people and listening to the countdown in my ears.

The music started, the stage beneath me bright white with stark dark lettering spelling out everything I had ever been called in my career. _Fake. Whore. Gold-digger. Talentless. Manipulative. Psychotic. _The list was endless.

_"I'm so sick of running as fast as I can. Wondering if I'd get there quicker if I was a man. And I'm so sick of them coming at me again. 'Cause if I was a man, then I'd be the man."_

Thirteen minutes later I was walking through the halls again, a smile that couldn't be slapped off covering my face. Ben was beside me and a few other members of his security team. I knew Edward and everyone else were going to take a while longer to make it back here.

I got a few high-fives from passing football players and passed along my good luck to them, too. My ears were ringing and my mind pulled in a hundred directions. Instead of the conflicting thoughts from earlier, these were all going in the same direction. _I fucking did it._

My dressing room was empty when I got in, but the solitude wasn't as comforting as it was before Edward and I left. Ben walked in a few seconds after me, an elusive smirk on his face.

"You did good, Bella."

I beamed over at him, wrapping my arms around him in a quick hug. The door swung open and a steady stream of people came in for the next half hour. I talked with Peter and Grace for a few minutes, both special guests for the performance. Grace opened up for me on the _reputation_ tour and I was pretty sure she had thanked me close to a hundred times since I asked her to come out tonight. Peter just shook his head at me with a how-the-fuck-did-we-end-up-here look on his face.

A few of the producers of the show stopped by quickly, all of them looking even more relieved than I felt that we somehow managed to pull this whole thing off.

I sat on a comfortable black couch, talking with Chrissy, my makeup artist, with my knee bouncing obnoxiously. The people I actually wanted to celebrate with weren't here yet, and it was driving me mad.

A moment after that thought floated through my mind I saw a familiar tuft of unruly bronze hair over the crowd by the door. I jumped up, walking as slow as my adrenaline would allow me, and threw myself in Edward's arms before he ever really saw me coming.

I got high-fives from the rest of the family as they maneuvered around Edward and I, but I wasn't letting go of him and his arms securely around my waist told me he wasn't letting go of me, either.

The crowd around us dispersed a little bit; nothing cleared a room like Edward, Jasper, and Emmett walking in to it. Edward stood with me off to the side, my legs wrapping around his waist to keep me up.

"The whole way down here I tried to think of a more eloquent way to say how fucking incredible you were," he whispered against my neck.

I pulled away, smiling down at him. "I didn't even trip or anything."

"No, you sure as hell didn't trip," Edward marveled, eyes glowing up at me like I was the most magnificent thing he had ever seen.

I leaned down and pressed my lips to his, intending for one, maybe two soft pecks. Instead, a minute later he had his tongue down my throat and a few cleared throats had to bring us both to our senses.

We sat back on the couch, my legs across Edward's lap. His hands traced over my legs, going higher and higher underneath my black robe each pass. The whole moment felt surreal, surrounded by family and friends and people who had worked non-stop with me the last few months to plan this whole thing.

I was in Edward's lap, enjoying a warm piece of pizza far more than was normal, when reviews started coming in.

Claire read a few headlines aloud as I licked the grease off of my fingertips. My eyes were on Edward, the flush of his cheeks and the sparkle still in his eyes. The songs, the stories, the movies… they were all about him. Except for the few unfortunate ones about Jacob Black, but that whole time of my life was inconsequential now.

But I had spent the last year and a half simply fighting to tell the world how much I loved him. How much they didn't matter to me anymore. How happy I was as long as I had him by my side.

The realization created butterflies in my stomach. I was hopelessly in love with Edward Cullen, had been since I was twenty. The notoriety would fade, tonight would end and someone else would be putting on this show a year from now, but I would still have him.

"What?" Edward asked, turning to smirk at me. _Busted._

"Nothing," I shrugged, smiling over at him and grabbing another slice of pizza.

**A/N: one last part to go… I'm pretty positive it contains my absolute favorite scene from the entire series. It'll be posted next Friday. Hope you all are still enjoying this as much as I am!  
**

**Lyrics mentioned in this one are, of course, preceded by their name in Bella's description of them. All from **_**reputation**_** by Taylor Swift, obviously. Intro to SB performance is **_**The Man**_** by Taylor Swift. **


	6. The Death of Her Reputation

_And in the death of her reputation_

_She felt truly alive._

_~ Taylor Swift, __**Why She Disappeared**__**(Poem)**_

**BPOV**

"Edward," I whispered in to the darkness. It was early, so early the darkness engulfing the room made it feel late instead. I had been awake for at least an hour, listening to his steady breathing and hoping it would lull me back to sleep. Obviously, that hadn't been the case.

I whispered his name again, running a hand down his bare chest. His breathing changed, just a tad, and I knew he was awake. "Do you want to go for a hike?"

My question must have caught him off guard, because his eyes slowly, sleepily, popped open. "Do _you_?" he asked, voice thick with sleep.

"Yeah. Come on," I smiled down at him, hopping out of bed. I pulled on a pair of comfortable, well-worn jean shorts and threw a jacket over my t-shirt. I left Edward in the bedroom to get dressed, skipping downstairs to make a quick thermos of hot chocolate to take with us.

It wasn't cold by any means, not compared to Chicago this time of year. But, it would be comforting. I stuffed the thermos in a small designer backpack I found in my closet. I shook my head as I pulled it out, having absolutely no memory of even purchasing it. The intricate _LV_ logo embossed on it told me it cost more than most people's rent for a couple months.

Edward came down, smiling softly at me from across the kitchen counter. "So, you hike?"

I smiled over at him, walking around to press a kiss to the soft, sleepy pout on his lips. I watched as Edward locked the front door behind us, eyes falling to the gun he had stashed haphazardly in his waistband. It had been a long time since I had ever thought about them. He was always armed and it never really bothered me. Funny how getting shot a couple times was all it took for me to be comfortable around my gun-wielding then-boyfriend.

I wrapped my arm through his, hugging myself as close to him as I could while still being able to walk without tripping over my own two feet. "There's a private trail just up here," I told him, turning to the left out of my gate. "Only people who live in the neighborhood have access to it."

We walked in comfortable silence. I snuck a glance over at Edward a few times and found a relaxed smile on his face. The hill was fairly steep, and he kept a firm grip on my hand the whole time. It was only about a twenty-minute hike to my favorite spot.

It had been a long fucking time since I had been up here, but I was glad to see it still looked the same for the most part. The bench was still there, overlooking the rolling hills beneath us. The perfect spot to watch the sunrise.

We sat on the bench and I pulled out the thermos, taking a small sip before passing it to Edward. I crossed my legs beneath me, smiling out at the view.

"I used to come up here a lot. Before," I muttered. Before. Before a lot of things. Some good, some horrible.

"Dangerous for a woman to hike up here alone," Edward replied, no-so-subtly telling me never to come up here again alone.

I shrugged, smirking over at him. "That was before I became prone to stalkers and rogue cops and estranged fathers."

Edward passed me back the hot chocolate and I set it on the bench beside me. I rested my head on his shoulder, playing idly with his silver wedding band around his ring finger. I pulled it off gently, twirling it between my fingers and smiling at the light band of skin on his finger. Skin that hadn't seemed to see the sunlight in years.

"Feels weird," Edward mumbled, clenching his hand. "Not having it on."

I smiled to myself, sliding it carefully back in place. I took my rings off all the time. I never kept them on during shows because I didn't want them getting pulled off of my finger or flung across the stage. Showers, working out… I always stashed them somewhere safe so nothing happened to them. Thinking back, I wasn't sure if I had ever seen Edward without it since our wedding.

Sitting up, I clasped my hands in my lap and started fiddling with my own wedding rings. "I'm really happy," I blurted out, the sun just starting to brighten up the edge of the horizon.

Edward looked over at me, surprise and hope glistening in his eyes.

"I used to sit up here and be scared of what would happen the next day. I was constantly scared my career would flatline and I'd be forced to move back to Forks, always nervous about a hundred other things that could go wrong. I was always resigned to the fact that choosing acting over basically any other career meant I'd always be living down in that house alone.

"I love my job. Used to think it was all I needed to be somewhat happy. But last night, when I couldn't sleep, I started thinking about my happiest memories and none of them are work related anymore."

I could feel his eyes on me, burning in to me like no one else's ever could. I kept my eyes on the sunrise, though. Smiling at the deep orange fading to yellow expanding over the horizon.

"What are they?" Edward asked, his voice thick and unsteady. "Your happiest memories?"

"Let's see," I mumbled, trying to organize them in my mind. "Number one would be our wedding day. The ceremony was beautiful, but I just liked getting to finally call you my husband. Two would be seeing you on the island after…" my voice cracked and I quickly moved down my list. "Three is probably the first weekend we spent here together. You were sweet and asked me a million questions about myself that you could have found online if you wanted to. But you didn't."

I made the mistake of looking over at Edward and got distracted from my list. He smirked at me, that half smirk that never failed to make my mind mush, so I turned my eyes back to the sunrise. "Four is probably… the night we were officially back in Chicago from the island. Not because of _reputation_ or anything, but it was nice to have a house full of people. We met Alec and Maggie and Jared and it was one of the first times I realized I really had a big family.

"Five is that night in New York, at Alice's birthday party. You picked me up off of the floor and I was crying and screaming at you but you didn't care. You yelled at me because you thought I was high and then showed me that you're not all that scary after all."

The sun broke over the horizon, and I squinted my eyes. Optometrist's would have scolded me for powering through the blinding light, but it was too pretty to look away from.

"That's quite the list," Edward coughed, clearing his throat. He grabbed my hand, his pressure light as he flipped it over and ran a finger over the tiny Oscar statue I had inked in my wrist. "This doesn't make it? Tomorrow won't edge one of those out if you become the most awarded woman at the history of the Academy Awards?"

I shrugged and whispered, "I already won, Edward."

I looked down at my hands, not needing to look up to see his confusion. "The world doesn't hate me anymore. The first thing people think when they hear my name isn't 'she should be in prison.' Usually. I have a better husband and family than I ever could have hoped for."

My eyes went back up to the horizon, the bright oranges and yellow welcoming a clear blue sky. "I'm good," I said with a shrug. "I won."

We were quiet for a few minutes until Edward gently lifted my chin. He stared down at me, eyes swirling with everything from wonder to self-doubt. His thumb wiped away a few stray tears I hadn't realized fell down my cheeks.

"I…" he stammered, in a very un-Edward like fashion. I wasn't sure if I had ever seen him at a loss for words.

"I know," I vowed, leaning up to press my lips softly to his. I really did intend for it to be a soft, simple kiss. I wasn't quite sure how it ended up with me straddling Edward on the bench with my tongue down his throat.

My hips involuntarily rolled over his, eliciting the most delicious groan out of Edward. He pulled away from our kiss, head falling against the bench. I moved my attention down to his neck.

"We had a very clear conversation about sex in public being off the table from now on," he grunted, his hands suddenly on my hips and keeping me from moving. "I haven't had you in weeks and I know you're… off limits until tomorrow is over."

I blinked down at him. We did have a conversation about sex in public, on the island when I remembered my unfortunate admission on the witness stand about our tryst in his office. It wasn't like we were constantly going at it in public, but there had been a time or two where we didn't really think about the consequences.

It had been weeks. Too many of them since the last time I had been with my husband. Between Super Bowl rehearsals and award shows every Sunday and Edward having to still be in Chicago most of the time, there hadn't been much time for ourselves. The last time we spent the night together had been when I presented him his award.

I was usually a nervous wreck before big appearances. Got nervous about winning or losing at things like tomorrow. This time, though, I didn't care. I would leave just as happy if I lost as if I had won. For the most part. I wanted to win, sure, but I didn't need it to be happy with myself and my work.

"Take me home, Edward," I pleaded, smiling down at him with my forehead pressed against his. He was about to protest, probably thinking I was hooked on the whole 'no sex before an event' thing, but I couldn't have cared less. "Please."

It was a miracle neither of us broke something on our hike back down to the house. I knew I had to look a mess with twigs and leaves in my hair from the multitude of times I ended up pressed against a tree. Still, as we stumbled through the front door Edward stared down at me like I was the answer to all of his problems.

He lifted me, easily supporting my weight as my legs wrapped around his waist. I peppered kisses across his cheeks, down the bridge of his nose, everywhere I could reach while he walked us upstairs.

Edward plopped me down on the counter in the master ensuite. It was nowhere near as large as ours back home in Chicago, but it was still roomy. A deep chuckle escaped out of him, his hands going for my hair and tossing a few leaves in the sink beside me.

Clothes were shed by desperate hands and then I was in the shower, surrounded by steam and Edward. He hovered over me, my back against the cold tile. He was thinking too much, I could tell, so I wrapped his cock in a firm grip.

His forehead fell to my shoulder, hands to my waist. I smiled to myself when his hips started thrusting against my hand. After a few minutes his own hand crept down my abdomen, fingers not hesitating to slip inside me. Edward's resulting groan made my toes curl.

"Up you go," he muttered, hands gripping the back of my thighs and lifting me with ease. He slid inside me, much too slow for my liking, but the cocky smirk on his face told me he knew exactly what he was doing.

His movements were slow. My fingers clenched around his back with every one of them. I kept my eyes on his, smiling softly to myself every time they threatened to roll back in to his head.

"My list is nearly identical," he hissed, leaning forward and nipping at my shoulder. It took me a moment to realize what list he was talking about. _Five happiest memories._

"Except instead of our first night in Chicago, it was a night I had you just like this."

My breaths started coming out in pants and I had to work on focusing on what he was saying.

"You didn't know about me yet. You stared up at me, hair dripping down your face and looking so fucking pretty I couldn't believe you were mine. You asked me about work and I couldn't tell you the truth but you tried to fix my problems anyway. And I knew. Knew I could never survive losing you, knew I had fallen in love with you."

I cut him off with a kiss before he could say anything else. My hand fell against the glass door with a smack, looking for anything to hold on to. I moaned his name when his hips got more insistent and his lips found the sensitive spot on my neck.

"I know, baby," he groaned, hands tight on my thighs.

I came with a silent scream, biting too hard into Edward's shoulder. He grunted out a curse with his own release.

I stood on shaky legs, grabbing a washcloth and working on washing Edward. It was a difficult task, considering he refused any space between us and constantly peppered kisses across my face.

I smiled up at him, enjoying his playful side. He didn't need to say it for me to know we were on the same page. He was happy, too.

…**rep…**

"Are you nervous? About tomorrow?" Alice asked, swirling her last sip of wine around her glass. We'd had a wonderful afternoon. I had booked Alice, Rose, Maggie, and I at the most outrageously expensive spa in Los Angeles. It had been an afternoon of massages and facials and painted nails. It was a complete waste on me, considering I had someone coming in tomorrow morning to give me a whole other manicure that would go perfectly with my dress, but it made for a fun afternoon.

I shrugged, smiling down at my hands remembering this morning with Edward. It felt like that normalcy I had been dying for was finally here even though I still had a good three days until I was home in Chicago.

"I think the last few months have killed every ounce of nerves I had in me," I sighed. It had been a constant string of one nerve-wracking activity after the next. The Super Bowl performance last weekend had been what did it; made it so everything else seemed so easy.

I still had a performance to do without making a fool of myself, and I was still going to be a live tripping hazard until tomorrow night was over, but those things all seemed incredibly doable now.

Our spa day had ended with lunch downtown. The entire city was buzzing. Paparazzi were around every fucking corner because so many people were in town for tomorrow. All throughout lunch I felt eyes on me, but it was a feeling I was used to.

"Or Edward's just incredibly good in bed," Rose muttered under her breath, thankfully waiting until Maggie had excused herself for the restroom. I stared over at her, eyes wide. "Oh, please. You were glowing when you walked in this morning. Lucky bitch."

There was no use in denying it so I shrugged and smiled, grabbing my nearly empty glass of wine and taking a sip. "Three times this morning," I admitted quietly.

Alice repeated Rose's sentiment of _lucky bitch_ and I couldn't argue. I was late to the spa because, even given our early hike, Edward's wandering hands and convincing smirks had me leaving the house late.

Our waiter approached us then, clearing a few plates. "Could we have our check, please?"

"Your tab was just paid, Mrs. Cullen," he said uncomfortably.

I frowned. "By who?"

"Good afternoon, ladies," a slimy, cold voice said. Approaching our table was none other than Colton Shay.

I rolled my eyes, pulling my credit card out of my wallet. "Cancel his card. Put it on this."

The waiter took it without another word, probably eager to get as far away from us as possible.

"Colton Shay," I greeted, smiling in his direction as he stood over Maggie's empty. _Thank goodness she's not here._

"You fucking bitch," he grunted under his breath.

I kept a smile on my face, knowing it would piss him off. "I heard half of your clients got to leave you thanks to a morality clause you had in your contract. I have to say, it was ballsy for a piece of shit like you to put a morality clause in there."

The waiter returned, face pale as he dropped my card and receipt on the table. I sighed it quickly, standing and dropping my wallet back in my purse. Alice and Rose stood with me, Maggie reappearing beside Alice.

"I'll meet you guys up front," I told them, relieved when they quickly grabbed Maggie and left.

Shay stepped around the table, in front of me. "I'm going to ruin you."

I had no control over the loud laugh that escaped. "Oh, I can ruin my reputation just fine on my own, thanks. You've got nothing worse on me than I've already put out there myself. You can't touch me."

The signs were easy to see. Flared nostrils, dilated pupils, hands in tight fists by his side. If we weren't in a public place I'd probably have a nice black eye or broken nose by now.

"It's no fucking wonder people are always trying to get rid of you," he spat out.

I shrugged, knowing all too well how many times people had tried to kill me. One of his hands twitched and I smirked.

"The second you touch me that man three paces behind you is going to have you on the ground in excruciating pain. Then, I can guarantee, in about twelve to twenty-four hours you'll be dead."

I could convince my husband not to kill someone over a rumor or something that happened years ago, but I knew there would be no talking sense in to him if Shay actually touched me. Not that I would bother at that point, but still. I slung my bag over my shoulder, smiling as the rage in his eyes evaporated and turned in to fear.

"Thanks for stopping by, Colton. I'll see you in hell," I said pleasantly, smiling as I walked past his frozen frame. With a nod to Ben he followed me out.

The rest of the day was much less exciting than the first half. Ben dropped the girls back off at their hotel and I headed out to do a final soundcheck and rehearsal for tomorrow night. Still, my nerves never caught up to me.

We were all meeting for a celebratory dinner tonight. I didn't relish in the thought of a whole dinner devoted to me, but with so many people I knew conversation would be all over the place. Besides the family, Heidi, Kate, and Claire would also be there.

When I got home after rehearsal Edward was on the phone in the kitchen, barely keeping his temper with whoever it was. I greeted him with a quick kiss to his cheek before heading off to get ready for tonight.

I was sitting at my vanity in my ensuite, finishing my makeup when Edward walked in. I saw him through the mirror, leaning against the door frame behind me.

"I have a very vivid memory of you sitting there."

"I sit here all the time," I replied with a patient smile.

"This was after the first time I had you. On that bed right over there. Gloriously naked and screaming my name."

My breathing sped up and I had to remind myself I was already running late. I forced myself to look away from him, brushing past him to the closet to get dressed. "Well, if you're taking a trip down memory lane you'll be happy to know the restaurant Kate reserved for tonight is the same one we went that night."

Before I could make it to where my dress was hanging I was pressed against the wall beside the door. My robe loosened, sliding down one shoulder much to Edward's enjoyment. He leaned down, nose running down my neck and following my shoulder.

"I've really fucking missed you," he admitted softly.

The last few months really had been the most hectic of my life. I hadn't been a very attentive or present wife, but I also knew Edward understood it all, too. Still, it didn't mean I wasn't going to have some making up to do once we got home.

"I missed you, too," I whispered, squeezing his biceps as he leaned over me. "We're supposed to leave in ten minutes."

"We can be a few minutes late," he shrugged, picking me up with ease.

"Edward!" I shouted in surprise. "We really don't have time."

He deposited me on the bed, pulling my legs up to rest against his chest.

"Hate being late," I mumbled to myself, getting immediately distracted as his hands slid along my legs, teeth nipping at my ankles.

Smooth fingers tugged open my robe. My ankles fell from his shoulders as he leaned over me, kissing his way down my chest until he decided to torment my breasts with nipping teeth and roaming hands.

"Say the word and you can go get dressed right now," he murmured against my skin. I could feel him smile against me, knowing he had already won.

My fingers knotted in his hair, tugging him closer and giving him my answer.

"That's my girl."

An hour later we hurried into the restaurant, past the hoard of photographers waiting outside. This time, Edward held my hand and took the brunt of the photos, constantly angling himself in the way of the lenses as we walked. The simple act made my stomach fill with butterflies.

Somehow, it felt like the first time all over again. Maybe it was the day of sex and massages, and realizations, but I wasn't even flustered at being half an hour late. There were hugs and knowing smirks from Alice and Rose and an embarrassing round of congratulations from everyone as we sat down.

"I failed to mention how heart-breakingly beautiful you look tonight," Edward whispered to me, his hand coming to rest indecently high on my thigh.

I really should have chosen a different dress after his inability to control himself before we left. I would have, if I had the time. I loved the dress but hated the torture the cut was going to force me to endure.

The dress was covered in intricate beaded triangles with a white V-neck halter top and black high-low skirt. The skirt wrapped around the front, billowing open halfway down my thigh. Exactly where Edward's hand was rested now.

"You are incredibly insatiable today," I mumbled, crossing my legs.

Edward winked at me as Kate stood and got everyone's attention.

"It's a rare opportunity, Bella agreeing not only to a party but a party to celebrate her."

"It's a family dinner," I interrupted.

"Oh, shut up," Rose grumbled playfully from across the table.

"So," Kate continued, glaring at me. "I made a list of all of the notable things she's achieved the last year so I didn't forget anything."

My cheeks burned incessantly as Kate ran down the list. The girl even had it printed out and everything, just to embarrass me probably.

_First album to debut with 1M pure copies in two years._

_ Most first week views for a Netflix film._

_ All fifteen songs from _reputation_ debuted on the Billboard Hot 100. _

_ All songs from _Lover _debuted on the Billboard Hot 100, less than six months after _reputation.

_ Highest grossing US tour by a woman in the last twenty years._

_ Most viewed Super Bowl Halftime show to date._

_ Only woman director nominated at the Academy Awards this year._

"And," Kate finished, smirking over at me. "By this time tomorrow she'll be the most awarded woman in the history of the Academy Awards."

"I haven't won anything, yet," I mumbled, begrudgingly clinking my glass with Edward.

I was proud of everything Kate said. Really fucking proud. I wanted the people who listened to my music or watched my films to be happy and that was it. Charts and numbers intimidated me. Yeah, I supposed numbers like that proved people liked it, but I also knew plenty of sleazy people in the industry who know how to manipulate charts.

Still. It was a little overwhelming, hearing Kate's list.

Edward ran his fingers softly through my hair, pulling me gently toward him. His lips brushed against my ear as he whispered, "You already did."

…**rep…**

The house was chaotic, had been from the second the entire Cullen clan showed up here this morning. Alec was in a mood, along with Jared who was consistently grumpy these days. Maggie was bummed she wasn't getting to go to the show and Alice and Rosalie were trying to hide their excitement as much as possible for her.

There were a couple extra people milling around, another hair and makeup stylist for Alice and Rosalie. Both of which seemed to have a good amount of pre-Oscars nerves and husbands who had no goddamn idea how to settle them.

I, however, was enjoying my manicure sitting on the couch and watching a couple of news anchors make their Oscars predictions. When I became the sane, level-headed one in the family I'll never know.

Edward sat beside me, as close as possible as the nice, thankfully quiet, nail technician worked on my nails.

"The only reason Cullen is going to win tonight is because she's had the Academy wrapped around her finger since she was nineteen," one of the men said, in a tacky pale blue suit that told me he _thought_ he knew better than everyone. But he most definitely didn't. That, or his stylist hated him.

The woman next to him with flaming red hair rolled her eyes. "The Academy has her back, there's a difference. Bella has disrupted the entire landscape of media from film to music. No one does things like her, at least they didn't when she started. People hate her because she doesn't do what they want her to, but then she ends up becoming the most awarded woman at the Academy Awards at twenty-seven. _Twenty-seven._"

"Hasn't happened yet," I mumble to myself. Without looking at him I felt Edward roll his eyes at me.

"Even if you hate her," a different man, in a full three-piece suit interjected. "You have to admit the girl is good at what she does. That movie was raw and emotional and hell, by the end of it _I _was in love with Edward Cullen."

"Thanks, Melissa," I sighed, my nails done. I took a minute to admire the simple, milky pink of my nails and turned the television off.

"Almost set up for you, Bella," Chrissy called from across the room.

"Take your time," I shrugged, curling up on the couch. The moment I rested my head on Edward's shoulder, Alice plopped on the couch beside me.

"How are you not more stressed?" she asked, looking at me with wide, ocean blue eyes. "I mean, no one is really going to care about me being there and I can't keep solid food down. You're… _you._"

"I'm not all that important, Alice," I mumbled, earning matching scoffs from her and Edward. "Usually I can't sleep for days before, can't keep food down, the whole thing. This time I'm just… happy," I said with a smile over in Edward's direction.

"The worst thing that can happen is falling, and I've done that. Your coordination is much better than mine. You'll be fine," I told her in my most soothing voice. I knew pre-Oscars jitters. Knew what it was like watching the show for years and then suddenly being the one down there. It was terrifying, usually.

My conversation from yesterday morning with Edward was still fresh in my mind and my happiness was still flowing through my veins.

The next three hours consisted of me sitting in front of a mirror while an army of people worked on making me presentable. My hair was curled and pinned in an absurdly intricate design at the nape of my neck, a few tendrils falling around my face. My makeup was all soft pinks from the shimmer on my eyelids to the delicate blush on my cheeks.

I must have zoned out for a while during the process, there was a good possibility I had fallen asleep with my eyes open, because when I stood from the chair Edward was standing behind me in his tuxedo. He was all crisp lines, the matte black a stark contrast to his bright white shirt. Everything fit him perfectly. Images of what he looked like underneath flooded my mind before I could stop them.

He held out a hand to help me off of my chair and followed me upstairs. As had become our tradition, I was no longer surrounded by stylists as I got in my dress. Edward slowly slid the zipper up my back, his fingers lingering on my upper back and across my shoulders.

I turned to face him, smiling as he stared down at me.

Burning fingertips traveled across my collarbone, down my sternum, floating over the fabric of my bodice until they ended up on my him. "You're… breathtaking," he breathed out, eyes finally meeting mine.

I could agree that the dress was stunning. A big departure from the theme of _reputation_ that I had followed for so long. Soft blushy lavender tinted taupe tulle flowed to the floor with a generous slit up one side to my upper thigh. Delicate rose gold sequins scattered the bodice, still allowing for the beautiful lavender to shine through the pattern. The sequins gradually dissipated down my waistline, the pattern breaking apart as it fell down the dress.

I pulled up the strapless, sweetheart neckline, making sure everything was secure. "I don't seem… too out of place?"

Edward frowned down at me.

"I'm not soft pinks and shimmering sparkles, Edward."

I wanted to be sometimes, but deep down I was just as dark and twisted as he was. My wardrobe choices typically reflected that. I wanted tonight to be a bright spot in my memory, and I wanted a dress to match.

"You're soft and warm and the brightest spot on each of my days, Bella. The dress suits you. Perfectly," he whispered, his voice sounding tight. His fingers ghosted over my collarbone again. "You do seem to be missing a few things."

I knew it was coming. From the moment I met Edward I had never gotten any jewelry on loan. That was what every other sane person who went to these events did. No one in their right mind would spend the millions it cost to purchase the jewelry that accompanied the couture dresses of the night. Most dresses were on loan, too.

Edward Cullen didn't do _on loan_, though. Which meant I didn't either.

This dress was mine at the end of the night, and whatever was in the velvet boxes Edward was bringing over to me would go home with us as well.

Looking past the gobs of money he spent on it, I found it incredibly sweet that he liked to give me the jewelry every time we were at an event like this. I once told him no one had ever bought me jewelry before, and ever since I had been showered with it.

The first box he opened for me contained a pair of earrings. They were surprisingly delicate. Simple teardrop diamonds that could actually be worn again. _Maybe he was reigning himself in this year._

I smiled up at him without a word, securing them in place. Edward traced the edge of my earlobe once they were in place, sending a shiver up my spine.

"I didn't want anything to distract from this," he mused, opening up the much larger box.

I gasped when I looked down, not daring to try and figure out how expensive it was. The diamond encrusted snake was tinged rose, the detail mesmerizing from the raised scales to the way the tail would fall down the center of my chest.

He had given me one similar to this the night _reputation_ was released, but it was platinum and a few inches thicker. This one was on the daintier side, and too gorgeous for me to comprehend.

"Oh," I gasped. I wanted to reach out and touch it, but it seemed to pretty to touch.

"Turn around," Edward demanded, picking up the necklace carefully.

Behind me was a mirror. I watched, holding my breath, as Edward carefully fastened the heavy diamonds around my neck. It was smaller than the other, but no less impressive. It still felt heavy around my neck, still cold to the touch as it rested on my suddenly overheated skin.

Edward's hands trailed down my arms, stopping to squeeze my hands beside me. His lips were at my ear. "You may not need the awards, but I know you want them. I've seen that cocky little smirk on your face whenever Heidi or Claire talk about your chances. I know you want just one more thing to prove to everyone they didn't break you."

I pressed my lips together, squeezing his hands. He was right. Usually was. Everybody wanted an Oscar. Didn't matter if you had one already. If you were an actor or producer or stylist… You wanted it. Always.

"You always try to hide it, but your need for revenge is glorious," he whispered, eyes meeting mine in the mirror.

The last time I had looked at him and been remotely scared had been the night he told me what he did, who he really was. It had always been comical to me, that people saw Edward and thought he was scary or intimidating. As he hovered over me, leaning down to kiss my bare shoulder with his eyes burning in to mine, I could see it. The same revenge-driven man that most people were scared of. I could see where the intimidation came from, but not feel it. There was no safer place for me than by his side.

He softened when I took our intertwined fingers and wrapped our arms around my abdomen. His lips pressed softly into the top of my head. "I love you. And I'm so fucking proud of you."

I smiled at him in the mirror, taking a few deep breaths before I could move. Once we were downstairs with everyone else, Alice insisted on a group picture. I smiled as everyone followed Alice's instructions on where to stand.

The men were, of course, all in tuxedos. Rosalie was in a stunning matte red floor length dress that probably four people in the world, including herself, could actually pull off. Alice was in a sparkling mint colored gown, looking every bit a princess.

After our picture and an incredibly in-depth discussion with Rosalie's nanny, who had come to Los Angeles to watch the kids tonight, we were off. We piled in to the black SUVs that were parked outside. My car held myself, Edward, Heidi, and Claire.

"I'm really proud of you, Bella," Heidi said as we were rushing down the highway. "You were this mousy little teenager when you walked in to my office. And now… I've worked with a lot of talented people, but you really have done a good fucking job. At everything."

"Thanks," I whispered, feeling my cheeks heat up as Claire nodded at me with a smile of her own. "Most managers and publicists would have ditched me after I was charged for murder, you know."

Both of them let out shocked chuckles.

We were fairly early to the red carpet, by my standards at least. Opening the show with my performance meant I needed to be. I usually liked arriving on the late side so I had to rush through the throngs of interviewers.

I peeked through my window, smiling as I watched Alice, Rose, and their husbands get out of the car in front of us. All looking a little wide-eyed.

Heidi and Claire hopped out of our car first. A sudden shot of nerves flowed through me. I stared over at Edward as he prepared to open the door for us.

_Everyone expects me to win. What if I don't? What if I trip again? What if –_

"You've got it, baby. I know you do," Edward whispered, squeezing my hand and opening the door.

I grabbed his hand, steadying myself as I got out of the car. I smiled over at my family, all standing to the sideline with Heidi. The typical red-carpet hubbub didn't give me as much anxiety as it usually did. I smiled and waved to the few stands of crowds that looked over the carpet, thanking my lucky stars they hadn't started booing when I got out.

Claire lost the laughter and smiles from the car, immediately going to in to work mode. Edward kept his hand on the small of my back as Claire led us through the crowd. There was a constant stream of shouts of my name and flashes. We stopped by the first interview, this one with a small stage in front of the bustling carpet.

"Gail Maxwell, GMA," Claire shouted at me.

I smiled politely at the girl that was coming off of the interview stage before me. She looked young, had to still be a teenager. Her face was familiar but I couldn't for the life of me come up with a name.

"Oh, my God," she muttered to herself. "I'm sorry, it's just – you're like – and I – sorry. Sorry, I'm just a big fan, Bella. Isabella. Mrs. Cullen. Sorry."

All of the apologies made me smile. I had the same habit of stuttering over myself sometimes. "Just Bella. And thank you."

Before I could say anything else Claire was coaxing me up the stairs. Edward, thankfully, walked me up so I didn't trip. I was pretty sure I heard a soft 'Wow,' come from the girl behind us.

"Here with us now we have the woman of the night," Gail smiled over at me, a microphone appearing in front of me. I took it carefully. "Isabella Cullen. How are you feeling?"

It was a question I knew I would get a hundred times tonight and I just barely repressed the urge to roll my eyes.

"I'm good, I think," I said with a smile. "Once you've done the whole process a few times it gets just a tiny bit easier."

"You've got your whole family with you tonight?"

"Yes," I answered, my smile this time much more genuine. "I've never really gotten to do the whole big family celebration here, so I'm glad they could all make it. Even if at the end of the night we're just celebrating my newfound freedom to take a nap," I said with a chuckle.

"It's been a crazy few months for you. Nominated for practically every award possible, a record-breaking Super Bowl performance… Now, you could leave here tonight as the most awarded woman in the history of the Academy Awards. And you're only twenty-seven. That's gotta feel pretty incredible."

"More nerve-wracking than anything, I think. Everyone's made such a big deal out of it now that people are just going to pile on me when it doesn't happen," I said exasperated, a twinge of my anxiety from the car coming back.

"It'll happen," she said kindly.

_What was her name?_ I thought.

"You've had an extraordinary year and I know a lot of people who were ecstatic to see you back and happy. Have a wonderful time tonight, Bella."

"Thank you, Gail," I said, proud of myself for pulling the right name out at the end.

The next half hour continued much the same. Similar questions, the same shouts from behind me every time I turned around. Edward's hand constantly on me somewhere, whether it was my back or my shoulder, as he hovered wherever I went.

"Bradley Anderson smiled at me," Alice gushed as we had a moment to ourselves, waiting for a minute for the red carpet portion.

I chuckled. Bradley Anderson was _Bradley Anderson._ One of those actors everyone knew. I had met him on more than one occasion, having to make up for the blubbering idiot I was when I met him when I was eighteen.

"Bradley!" I shouted, quickly getting his attention. I snuck a peak over at Alice who looked horrified.

"Bella," he greeted me with a smile and a quick hug. "Lovely, as always."

"Thank you," I smiled. "These are my sisters-in-law, Alice and Rosalie," I chuckled, gently pulling Rosalie over from my right where she stood, frozen in place.

I left those two to fulfil their fantasy in peace, going over to pull Edward away from Claire. I threaded my fingers through his, smiling to myself when he gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

"Thanks for doing all of this."

Edward smirked down at me, confusion furrowing his brows. "All of what?"

"I know the Oscars red carpet isn't really high on your list of places to be seen."

He sighed, wrapping his arms gently around my waist. "It is if you're there."

I was pulled away a moment later for the red carpet. When I was sixteen I actually took a class on posing. It was mind numbingly dull. _Always suck in. Never frown. Shoulders back. _It was completely ridiculous, but all of the notes floated through my mind every time I was standing in front of a sea of photographers, so maybe it was useful after all.

My time in front of the photographers was much more enjoyable when Edward stood beside me. When he pressed a kiss to my temple, probably just out of habit, the flashes multiplied tenfold.

My smile was genuine as Claire pushed the whole family out to us. It wasn't typical for actors and their families to walk the carpet, but there was nothing typical about us at all. Everyone knew the Cullen's, especially because of _reputation_. I made a mental note to get a picture of all of us right here framed for my office.

Forty minutes later I was in a dressing room backstage, pacing and waiting for the knock that meant it was time for me to head out. I clinked and clattered with every movement. My dress earlier might have been soft and beautiful, but my performance outfit still reflected everything about the _reputation_ album.

The base was a simple, black body suit. It was embroidered with glass beads and stones and chains. All harsh metals that clung to me, almost like a suit of armor. There was a black sheer skirt with faded beading flowing down, as well as sleeves with similar bead work.

The shoes were going to be my biggest hurdle; black booties, also covered in the same shimmering metals as my outfit, but a good three inches taller than the boots I typically performed in.

Focusing on my outfit was much more relaxing than focusing on what was about to happen. I grabbed my phone from my bag on the vanity and texted Edward, hoping he would notice it.

_I'm nervous._

Thankfully, his response was almost instant.

**Don't be. You're fucking incredible.**

Before I could type out my response, more from him kept coming.

**And kind.**

** Sweet.**

** Intelligent.**

** Devious.**

** Talented. **

** And, to be blunt, hot as hell.**

I snorted after the last one.

The dreaded knock finally came. I sent Edward a quick _Love you_ before putting my phone up and following Heidi out. I twisted and turned my in-ear monitors on my shoulders as we walked, mentally going through the entire performance.

Piano until the first chorus. Short interlude as dancers come out while Lea and Christian help me with my costume change, detaching the skirt from my outfit. Beat drops. Lights flash. From there on out, it's mostly similar to the tour routine, just slimmed down for the smaller stage.

The performance seemed like it took an eternity while simultaneously being over in an instant. I didn't trip or do anything overtly embarrassing, so I considered it a win. Once I had calmed down and gotten back in my original dress I met back up with everyone, all happily seated in the front row.

It was a commercial break and I was stopped by a few familiar faces as I made my way back through the theater. I was surprised so many people seemed just as polite to me as they used to. Most of the people here… they didn't give me the same looks I got in Chicago.

I was respected here. They all knew what it took to do what I did, and while they might secretly hate me for the success they also admired it. Some did, at least. In Chicago, I was just the unruly wife of Edward Cullen who exposed the city's dirty laundry.

I looked down the row at my family, all seated and smiling at their surroundings. I liked my two worlds colliding. I liked being here and knowing everyone respected and understood me, but I also loved Chicago and having a life outside of Hollywood.

"Hot as hell, Mrs. Cullen," Edward whispered in my ear. There wasn't much time for talking or congratulations when I got back. These things ran like clockwork and group hugs and excitement after a performance didn't fit.

"Back at you, Mr. Cullen," I whispered with a wink.

I spent the night happily sitting next to my husband, thinking of all the ways I could thank him for the last year and a half. He put up with me touring and the media circus that followed me the last few months and hadn't complained once. He just looked at me with that lopsided grin and said he loved me whenever I would apologize about it.

I ignored the increasing tension in my abdomen as we got closer and closer to the categories we were nominated in. Edward was right this afternoon when he said I wanted to win, but I was also being honest when I said I felt like I already had.

Hell, just a few years ago at this time I was sitting in a jail cell mourning my dead husband. Things could be a hell of a lot worse than losing a couple Oscar noms.

Then, it was like all of the pieces of my life kind of fell in to place. Noah, the man who played Edward in the films, he won Best Actor. A few minutes later _I Did Something Bad_ won Best Original Song. Not long after that I won Best Actress for the third time in my career.

The entire evening left my cheeks tear-stained and my hands shaking. I was constantly rushed around backstage, through the press room and back to my seat until I made the circuit one last time for the final award of the night.

Every time I was brought back to my seat everyone's eyes seemed a little wider than the last. Even Emmett and Jasper seemed to have lost a little of their usual composure throughout the night.

"They're all incredibly star struck," Edward whispered to me as I sat down.

"By who?" I asked, looking to see if I could find someone who might have stopped by.

"You."

"They're not star struck by me," I scoffed.

"You've had an unbelievable night, Bella. It's easy to forget that you're, well, _you_ when things are normal at home. Here… they can see how awe-inspiring you are."

"I think you're a little biased," I mumbled, my cheeks heating up.

I sat back in my seat, closing my eyes for a moment. One more award and it was over. If my mind was less of a jumbled mess, I could think of more reasons to be excited about that other than finally being able to take a fucking nap once it was done.

When the announcer came over the speaker, with a forty second warning until the commercial break was over, I sat up straight, smoothing my hands down my dress.

"I know I've been a broken record all night but I'm really fucking proud of you," Edward told me, his voice tight and his eyes surprisingly shiny.

I knew he had a lot of guilt over… everything. He thought he ruined me for a long time, hated the extra strain he and his reputation put on me and my career. He was probably just as nervous as I had been about the whole night.

I pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, resting my head against his shoulder until time was up. "Shit," I muttered to myself, keeping Edward's hand squeezed tightly in mine.

_I'm going to lose. Best Picture was it. The one that was going to put me over the edge. Everyone is going to hate me because they came all the way out here for nothing. It's going to be awkward and uncomfortable and – _

"The Oscar for Best Picture goes to… _reputation_."

"Oh, my God," I stuttered, my head falling to my hands in my lap. My entire body suddenly felt numb and I no longer had any control over the tears that spilled down my cheeks.

Edward pulled me to my feet, squeezing me to his chest in a firm hug. "You did it, baby. You fucking did it," he repeated in my ear, over and over until I felt like I could stand on my own.

He helped me up the stairs, but when he started to let go of my hand I didn't let him. "No. Come on," I stammered, pointing over to where the rest of the family was standing and coaxing them over, too.

I knew damn well I wouldn't be here without them, and I didn't want to leave Edward's side for the rest of the night.

The stage was full when we got up there. Everyone who was part of the film that was here was on stage. Every actor, producer, all of them. I walked to the middle of the crowd, joining the other producers in the center.

"We've all worked hard on this film. We've all got families to thank and stories to tell, but no one has worked harder on this than this woman right here. Who also, I might add, has just become the most awarded woman in the history of the Academy Awards," Brian Harrison, the only producer I didn't have to beg to work with me, said as he backed away from the mic and motioned to me.

A shiny gold statue was shoved in my hand and when I looked out, the entire theater was standing. I had no way or time to process anything. It wasn't until I felt a familiar, comforting hand on my waist that I could form a coherent sentence.

"I, um," I mumbled. _Okay, maybe not so coherent._ "You all have no idea how many people told me not to do this," I blurted out.

"Everyone told me I was done. That my career was over, that _I_ was over. I cannot tell you how many times a call ended with someone telling me to just give up. But I have this uncontrollable need to prove every asshole sitting behind a desk, thinking they know better than me, wrong." There were a few shouts from the audience and I choked out a laugh.

My eyes darted around the theater, seeing everything and nothing at the same time. "But, I… I love what I do. So much. I fell in love with the entire process of making a film when I was sixteen and have tried to learn every little detail of it since then. I've loved every project I've gotten to work on, I love everyone up here for not giving up on me when everyone else did."

Looking over my shoulder, I grabbed Edward's hand and motioned to where the rest of my family stood. "I know I wasn't supposed to bring my family up here. I was just really excited," I blubbered with a nervous laugh. "Please don't kick me out of the Academy again."

My mind was spinning, knowing there was a clock running down somewhere and that I had rambled nonsense so far. "This whole thing… _reputation_ as a whole is kind of just a love letter to my husband. He's the only person in the world that – " I had to stop myself, my voice cracking. "The only person in the world that knows everything about me and loves me anyway. I would not be standing here without him and his family that I get to call mine now, too."

My eyes widened as I looked down at the statue in my hand. "And the Academy, you were the first organization to graciously accept me back when I returned. You have always stood by me and supported me and had my back since I was nineteen and I cannot thank you enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you."

I stepped back from the microphone, feeling Edward's hands steady me around my waist. Clutching my new shiny statue to my chest we followed the crowd off of the stage. Somewhere in the background, through the deafening ringing in my ears, I heard _Delicate_ playing over the speakers as the show ended.

Backstage was a swarm of people; show producers, photographers, all of us that had just walked off stage. It was completely overwhelming, but at the same time I only had one thing running through my mind.

_Best picture. _

_ Best picture._

_ Best picture._

I turned around quickly and buried myself in Edward's arms, finally letting the overwhelmed sobs escape. I had no idea what was going on around me with my face hidden in his chest, but I didn't have much mental capacity to think about it in the first place.

"Deep breaths, baby," he whispered to me, hands gently rubbing up and down my arms.

I focused only on his breathing, attempting to stop the constant stream of tears down my face. I couldn't think about it. Thinking about how fucking insane it was to be holding the Academy Award for Best Picture, for _reputation_ no less, that made the tears and shaking shoulders all come back.

No thinking. Deep breaths. No thinking. Deep breaths.

Lifting my head up, I got a glimpse of Edward's full, toothy grin. He brushed his thumbs gently under my eyes, wiping away the embarrassing trail of tears on my cheeks. _No thinking about it._

"Congratulations, Mrs. Cullen," he muttered, though I could barely hear him over the bustling of the crowd.

I didn't trust my voice enough to answer, so I opted for peppering kisses along his neck to his chin, until I bit at his bottom lip.

"Okay, enough of that," Claire interrupted.

I felt Edward chuckle against me. His arms dropped from around me, but I quickly reached down and grabbed his hand.

Claire led us through the crowd and I lost track of where the rest of the family went. Chrissy was waiting for me before the press room, mumbling a quiet, _Thank God for waterproof mascara,_ as she fixed me up from all the crying.

Everything after that… it was all a blur. Bits and pieces stuck in my mind; Edward standing behind me as my name plates were installed on three shiny new trophies, finding our family again and the obnoxious scene we all caused as we collided in a group hug, standing on the carpet at the after party with more awards than I could hold myself. All wonderful, life changing memories.

It was about three in the morning when Edward and I stumbled through the door, finally home. I lined up each of my statues on the coffee table in the living room, making sure each was facing forward, all lined up perfectly. I tapped each one on the head, counting them like they were about to disappear.

I was also a tad on the tipsy side.

I stood there, staring at the little gold statues, until Edward grabbed my hand and twirled me in to his arms. My dress flowed around me. It was simple enough; black with thin straps and a deep neckline, shimmering skirt that flowed to my feet with a slit up to my thigh. The best part was the heavy snake that was made to fit around my leg perfectly, wrapped around my calf like it was slithering up.

"Have I told you how beautiful you are today?" Edward asked, fingers trailing down my arm and leaving shivers in their wake.

"Only a hundred times or so," I sighed. I flattened my hands down his chest, over the elegant tuxedo he was still in. It was looking a little worn considering he'd been in it a good twelve hours.

Edward twirled me again, my back ending up against the wall. He said nothing, staring down at me with emerald eyes that were so intense I felt my cheeks heat up. One hand rested on my waist while the other trailed softly over the bridge of my nose, down to brush against my lips, his fingertips light as a feather. His touch was soft, fingers following an invisible path down my neck. His knuckles brushed against my skin as his touch continued its decent down my chest until it stopped where the fabric of my dress started.

In the back of my mind, I thanked the designer for the deep neckline that stopped about six inches above my navel.

"You're exquisite," he whispered, his touch backtracking the same path it had just taken. Once he was back at my nose, his hand gently cupped my cheek.

"I had no idea it would be so… extraordinary to watch you tonight," he breathed against my neck, sending shivers down my spine. "Your performance was remarkable. And, Christ, you just kept fucking winning."

His words sent a shot of adrenaline throughout my body. I was well aware that tonight would be the most successful night of my career, and I was pretty fucking good with that. I was also well aware that Edward had a thing for success. For being, or having, the best. It was very evident with how he was pressed against me.

"The way you walked, your head held high and that fucking smirk on your lips. You knew. You knew you were the best person in the room tonight."

"I didn't – "

Edward shook his head, smirking down at me. "No need for modesty, baby. Those three statues back there prove it's true."

I couldn't stop the edge of my lips twisting up at the mention of them. Three. Three awards all for me tonight.

Edward groaned, almost painfully before capturing my lips in a kiss. It was a kiss that took over every one of my senses and thoughts until I couldn't remember what he was talking about. It was hard to focus on anything else with his tongue doing evil things with mine and his hand hitching my leg around his waist.

"You're mine," he grunted, thrusting himself against me.

I bit my lip to keep from groaning. "Yours."

My legs were swept out from underneath me and Edward carried me up the stairs, bridal style. He had that smirk on his face, the one that I knew meant he was about to have too much fun tormenting me.

He set me on my feet in the bedroom, nearly the exact spot where he zipped me in to my dress this afternoon. He knelt at my feet, tossing my heels to the side and carefully extracting my leg from the snake circling it. "As undeniably sexy as this is, all clothing must go," he murmured, almost to himself.

Edward stood before me, towering over me with his should-be-patented panty-dropping smirk in place. My mind went fuzzy as he traced the edge of my dress over my chest and the swell of my breast.

"Do you know how hard it is to concentrate when you wear a dress like this, with such easy access?" he asked, pushing away the offending fabric like it was nothing and instantly cupping my breast in his hand.

"You're a thirty-three-year old highly successful businessman and you still get distracted by breasts?" I teased, smirking up at him.

"Yours? Yes," he replied seriously with a sharp pinch on my nipple. "Don't tease."

"Wouldn't dream of it," I answered breathlessly.

Edward returned to his spot behind me and quickly pulled the zipper down my dress. It fell unceremoniously to the floor, leaving me in the lace around my hips and nothing more. Immediately, his hands were on my breasts.

My head fell back against his shoulder, small whimpers escaping with each squeeze of my breasts and tug of my nipples. My entire body relaxed against his when a very welcome thought fluttered through my mind.

_There is nothing to keep me away from him for the foreseeable future._

I had no plans, other than a day of press tomorrow because of how successful tonight was. My schedule was clear as soon as I stepped foot in Chicago in two days.

I did it. I survived the month from hell, all the preparation leading up to it, everything.

Edward used my distraction to his advantage and I ended up on my back on the bed, the comforter thrown about. He hovered over me, tongue tangled with mine and hands still very busy tormenting my nipples.

He kissed his way down my neck, across my collarbone until he ran his tongue roughly over one nipple.

"I thought we weren't teasing," I gasped, fingers knotted in his hair as he bit and sucked and drove my mind in to a tailspin of sensations. I swear I felt him smirk against my skin.

"Only the fun kind," he chuckled darkly, slowly trailing his torturous lips down my abdomen, biting at the lace across my hips. He slid my final scrap of clothing down my legs, making us entirely uneven considering he was still fully dressed.

"We should have, um, guidelines for what qualifies as, uh, fun teasing," I stuttered, the hands sliding up my legs distracting me.

"For future reference," Edward started, eyes burning in to mine as he hovered over me. "Anything that makes you this wet qualifies as fun teasing," he smirked, sliding two fingers inside me easily.

My eyes rolled to the back of my head, my body collapsing against the bed. It had been too long since I had been able to fully relax, completely let myself get lost in my husband.

The need for skin to skin had my hands shakily tearing at Edward's clothes, even though it meant his hand getting pulled away from where I wanted it. I took advantage of Edward's distraction of kicking his pants off to situate myself on his lap.

I smiled down at the slightly shocked expression on his face that eventually turned in to a sinister smirk to match my own. I rolled my hips against him, relishing in the perfect alignment of his cock underneath me.

"Interesting qualification," I mumbled, running my hands along his chest.

Edward's eyes met mine, dark and needy, when I leaned down to press a kiss to the center of his chest. I smirked up at him, trailing my tongue over his heated skin until I got to his nipple.

"Paybacks a bitch, Mr. Cullen," I smiled against him, quickly biting down.

"Fuck," Edward grunted, hands knotting in my hair. I took a moment to thank myself for taking every one of the hundred pins out of it in the car. His eyes burned in to mine as I enjoyed myself; kissing along his chest, nipping at his delicious skin, smiling at every muttered curse I got with each new bite.

He caught me at a moment of weakness, leaning over him with his bottom lip between my teeth, when he quickly reversed our positions. I was left breathless and underneath him while he blatantly eyed me up and down.

Soft fingers traced patterns on my abdomen while his other hand ran up and down my thigh. His eyes were nearly black and always on me.

"Fuck, I've missed you," he groaned, pressing himself fully against me and into the bed.

My legs wrapped around his waist, arms tugging at his hair as he kissed me until I couldn't breathe. I bucked my hips up against him, earning a dark chuckle in response.

He entered me torturously slowly, eyes never leaving mine. "You're mine," Edward said, his voice tinged with wonder.

"I'm yours," I sighed happily. Completely blissfully happy. "Always yours."

I buried my head in his neck, suddenly completely overwhelmed. Not by awards or broken records, those didn't really matter. Not when I had everything I could want wrapped around me.

"I love you so much," I breathed out, my breath coming in harsh pants. My toes curled with every thrust, my stomach doing flips with every groan and grunt I heard from Edward.

His hand slid slowly down my waist, grabbing my ass and situating me to his liking. Each of our movements became more desperate; his thrusts harder and my hands digging deeper in to his back, his arms, wherever I could touch.

My head flung back, my toes curled as everything inside me erupted. I heard my name being whispered in a steady chant by my ear, felt the rush of warmth inside me as Edward groaned out his release.

He collapsed against me and I smiled at the weight of him on top of me. I peppered kisses along his face, neck, shoulder, wherever I could reach until his eyes fluttered open. He grumbled out a curse, realizing he was pressing me in to the bed, and flipped us quickly.

I leaned up against his chest, smiling down at him. My eyes caught the clock to our left and I groaned, burying my head back in his shoulder.

"I have to get up in thirty-two minutes," I grumbled.

Edward's lazy smile was unaffected. I knew, from years of experience, it would be there for a good hour after sex. _Fucking adorable._

"Take a nap. I'll wake you up on time," he said softly, pulling the comforter up and over us.

I slid to his side, head resting on his chest. Just before I completely passed out, I heard a soft, whispered, "Congratulations, Bella."

…**rep…**

The house was dark when I walked in. I tossed my bag on the table to the right, only for it to clatter loudly to the floor. _Left. The table is on the left_.

I rolled my eyes to myself, not bothering to pick up the bag before stumbling up the stairs. I hadn't gotten more than four hours of sleep in about three days, but this was the last time that should happen in the foreseeable future. The thought alone sent a shot of excitement through me.

I was finally, _finally, _home. For good. It was after flying across the country at two in the morning because I was so impatient, but I was home.

The sight of our bedroom made me smile. Edward's side of the bed was still unmade, and I could hear the shower turn off as I walked in. I kicked off my shoes, shedding all of my clothing as I walked to the closet. I went right for Edward's side of the closet, pulling on the first t-shirt my hands touched.

I took a deep breath as I stumbled back to the bed. Everything smelled like home. The steam coming from the ensuite smelled like Edward's shampoo and the bedroom smelled like us even though it felt like months since I had actually been here.

I collapsed in bed, on Edward's side because it was closer. Stuffing my head in the pillow, I groaned when my hands met cold metal underneath it. It was entirely too common for me to find a multitude of weapons stashed throughout the house.

"You're home."

I turned my head in the direction of his voice, seeing him kneel down beside the bed.

"You were supposed to come home this afternoon," he said with a smile, brushing some loose hair out of my face.

"Wanted to get home," I mumbled. "Missed home."

I felt a soft kiss to my forehead before I passed out.

It was the late afternoon when I woke up. I was still tired, but it was the kind of tired I could survive. I sat up in bed, pulling the comforter around me, and smiled. Some people loved traveling, loved going out every night and only saw home as a place to recharge.

Home was my favorite place, though. I loved sitting in bed and reading a book beside my husband before I fell asleep. Loved when he gave in to my begging and watched a movie with me in the theater downstairs, or when Alice and Rosalie would come over and help me cook.

I stretched out in bed, somehow popping things in my knees, ankles, and shoulders simultaneously. My shower helped wake me up and soothe every ache in my body. The combination of the stress and the physical strain of rehearsing for so many things at once left me with a mess of knots in my back and a good amount of tension in my shoulders.

After my shower I left my hair to air dry because I didn't have the energy to hold a blow dryer for forty minutes. I pulled on an old _Hopeless Kingdom_ tour t-shirt and a comfortable pair of leggings. It was about four and, according to a text I got in the middle of the day while I was sleeping, Edward was hoping to be home around seven.

Three hours. All to myself. I wandered around the house for a few minutes until I ended up in the kitchen. Dinner. Dinner was a good step in the direction of the normalcy I was hoping for.

Our fridge was somehow always stocked with various things, even though we rarely cooked. I opened it up, searching through the fridge and the pantry and trying to come up with anything other than a sandwich with my limited cooking knowledge.

Edward and I cooked a lot on the island, but it was mostly me watching Edward cook. I used to cook in Forks every now and then, but that was a long time ago. My lifestyle since leaving there never required me to cook much for myself at all.

I pulled out a package of steaks. I could cook steaks. And potatoes. And I had a lot of practice at making a salad, that was always my job on the island.

It was a good thing I had three hours until Edward got home, because I had to send Ben to the grocery to get me more steaks after I burned the two we had in the fridge.

I had everything staying warming in the oven as I got dressed. I changed into a midnight blue cowl neck satin slip of a dress. It fell right at my knees and was about as comfortable as the leggings I spent the afternoon in. I left my hair as it was, air dried with a few waves scattered about. I was putting on a final coat of mascara when I heard the obnoxiously loud engine of a sports car drive up.

I scurried down the stairs, sans shoes, and opened the door right as Edward was walking up the walkway, a beautiful bouquet of flowers in his hand.

Once I had the door closed behind him he pressed a kiss to my cheek and offered me the flowers. I smiled down at them, bright purples and vibrant greens staring back at me. I left behind a room full of flowers and other congratulatory gifts in Los Angeles after the Oscars, but these I would try my hardest to keep alive for more than a day.

"Thank you," I whispered with a smile up at him. I leaned up on my toes for a kiss, smiling wider when he leaned down to accommodate me. I had been wearing heels too much, got too used to our height being more even.

"I made you dinner," I mumbled against his lips, his hands wrapping around my waist.

"You cooked?" he questioned, surprised.

"Yes. I cooked. Steak and potatoes and salad," I answered triumphantly.

"How many times did you have to start over?"

I huffed in his arms, but wasn't willing to let go. "Only once."

Edward smiled down at me and I took his hand, leading him to the kitchen. There was a smaller table in there that I had set up, candles in the middle and plates all ready.

"Sit," I ordered, getting everything out of the oven and plating it up.

"You don't have to do all of this, you know," Edward sighed, but I could see the smirk on his face as I set the plate down in front of him.

"I know. I wanted to," I smiled over at him. "I want to cook you dinner when I can, and go to stuffy charity event with you or boring business dinners. Maybe convince you to stay home from work every once in a while," I said with a smirk.

"It's kind of exciting. I don't know when the last time we ever had any kind of normal schedule was."

Edward shook his head, a placating smile on his lips. "You're cute. All excited about boring dinners and normal life."

Our dinner was surprisingly delicious. Maybe not worth three hours of my life, but I was glad I was able to pull it off. I put our plates in the sink and grabbed the small box I had stashed in the kitchen earlier.

I sat back down in my spot, pushing the box toward Edward. "I got you a present," I squeaked, suddenly nervous.

"What for?" Edward asked, picking up the box carefully.

"Because I love you. And I know you told me not to apologize for the craziness of the last few months and blah blah blah, but I wanted to give you something. To say thank you. Open it."

I bit my lip as he pulled at the ribbon slowly. He frowned at the paper for a minute, but I saw the moment he realized what it was.

"It's still getting shipped. It won't be here for a few weeks but I wanted to give it to you now."

"How did you…"

"Alice told me how you were obsessed with cars as a kid. That you had this one picture all over your room. I got some information about it out of Emmett and tracked it down."

"I've tracked it down, too. He wasn't selling," Edward countered, frowning in my direction.

"No, he wasn't. But, his granddaughter is apparently a big fan," I went on with a smile. "I flew her out to a few shows, gave her quite the VIP treatment, and he sold it to me for a very reasonable $18 million."

I couldn't remember the name of the car for the life of me. Didn't know a thing about it other than what Emmett told me to track it down. It was some classic and practically the only one left around. An Aston Martin, like the other four I knew were in our garage right now. I knew this new one would probably never get driven once it was here, but every penny spent was worth the lopsided, boyish grin on Edward's face right now.

"You have quite an affinity for buying cars," he whispered.

I got him a car a long time ago, though it wasn't as expensive as this one. Edward bought me jewelry and dresses and everything under the sun. There wasn't much I could get him that I knew meant something to him, except for a good, ungodly fast, car. I shrugged. "You like cars."

"I like you," he replied with a smirk. "Does Emmett know you bought this?"

I shook my head. "No. He's very easy to get information out of, though."

Edward shook his head, still staring at the picture. "You're… wonderfully diabolical, Isabella."

I smiled across the table at him. I was exhausted already, but also too excited to sleep. This was exactly what I wanted. Quiet dinners at home with my husband with conversations about something other than how tired I was. I wanted dates and family dinners and time to actually enjoy each other.

I got up from my chair, walking around the table to join Edward in his. My dress rode up indecently high as I straddled his waist, but he didn't seem to mind. "I'm really happy to be home," I said quietly.

Edward smiled softly at me, tucking a stray hair behind my ear. "I'm happy to have you home."

"Things are going to be easy now, right? No stalkers or blackmailing or life changing decisions to be made any time soon?"

Edward pressed a couple soft kisses to my lips. "No, no life changing decisions or dramatics scheduled for the near future."

**A/N: I hate endings so I'm not going to say anything about things ending here. Thank you all so much for the constant love on this story. It makes me so unbelievably happy you guys love these two as much as I do. **

**I'm sure you'll all be unsurprised to hear I have a Dark Paradise outtake in the works, and Edward's Vogue article is completely done. I'll post that in a week or two probably. Depending on how out of hand the Dark Paradise outtake gets, maybe I'll post that here as well. Or make its own little outtake story because my self-control is nonexistent. Who knows? **

**All my fashion inspiration for this story, including Bella's looks in this, are on my pinterest - fragilelittleflame - if you're interested! You can also keep up with me on twitter - fragilefanfic - for timing updates. I tend to ramble about my inability to end the story, too.**

**Anyway… thank you for tolerating my inability to give these two up. Hope you enjoyed this one as much as I did! **


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